Confession of Pain - NCIS (Chapter 5)
Chapter 5
After many hours at FBI headquarters, Gibbs and Tony were finally heading home. The younger man was emotionally and physically exhausted. He was currently in the restroom, needing to splash some water on his face.
Gibbs was waiting for him just outside the entry. The lead agent was simply trying to process everything that Tony had revealed in his interview. He admired Tony even more for being able to be functional after everything he had been through. He took a deep breath and then speed dialed a number on his cell.
“Boss?” McGee answered. “How’s Tony?”
“Surviving. He did real good. Listen, Tim, Fornell is going to email you a list of names Tony mentioned. A few are doctors he remembered who examined him as a child. Tony confided in a teacher once, but nothing happened. The school apparently received a large cash donation from Tony’s father. Start looking into things in the morning. Be discreet. Don’t outright confront anyone. If Senior had them on the payroll or anything like that, we can’t alert him to anything.”
“Sure, Boss.”
*
The door to the bathroom opened and Tony stepped out wearily. He was practically asleep on his feet. He knew he was simply interviewed, but he felt like he had been interrogated. He did not know the point of all of this, nothing could touch his father. He allowed Gibbs to lead him to the car. Tony said nothing as he lay his head against the window and drifted asleep. He did not realize that Gibbs stopped at Tony’s favorite pizza parlor and picked up dinner. He awoke when they returned to Gibbs’ house.
“Tony? Come on, Buddy. Up and at ‘em.”
Tony stretched as he left the car. “Smells good…” He commented as they entered the home.
“Sit down.” Gibbs gently urged as he grabbed two plates and some soda from the fridge. He would normally serve beer, but Jethro didn’t think getting Tony drunk would be helpful.
Tony looked at the pizza. “My favorite.” Tony had a sad smile on his face.
“Uh Huh.” Jethro responded as he plucked a piece from the box and shoved it in his mouth.
Tony pondered for a moment. “I don’t think my father knew my favorite anything.” He said softly as he picked a small morsel of cheese from his piece and placed it in his mouth. As hungry as he seemed, he wasn’t sure he could stomach eating. He then looked at Gibbs. “Why do you?” He asked innocently, not understand the kindness his Boss had shown him.
“Because I do.”
“Why?” Tony asked again.
Gibbs placed his pizza down and cursed Tony’s father internally. Senior didn’t deserve a son like him. “Tony, when I lost Shannon and Kelly…” Gibbs paused as his voice cracked. Even after all these years, it was still so hard to talk about. But, Tony was worth it. “My heart shut down. Even though I remarried, I couldn’t bare to have anymore kids. I couldn’t risk my heart like that again. I couldn’t go through that ever again.” He shook his head. “And then I met this smart ass Detective from the Baltimore PD. He was cocky, but had the know how to back it up.” He stopped as Tony blushed and looked away. “I was lucky that he signed on to join me.” Gibbs leaned closer to Tony. “And here’s the thing.” He paused to make sure he had Tony’s full attention. “I care about my team. I may have a funny way of showing it, but I care.” He grabbed Tony’s hand. “But you were different, Tony. When I thought Sacko had you, when you fell out of the plane, when that crazy woman gave you the Plague, I was scared. I was scared knowing that I could lose you. I was devastated when we lost Kate, but I would have been destroyed if I had lost you.” Gibbs said with conviction as his eyes watered. “I can’t bare to lose another child.”
Tony turned to him with tears in his eyes. “Gibbs?” He whispered.
“I meant it last night when I said I love you like my own. In my heart, I have two children: you and Kelly.”
Tony stood in disbelief and knocked over his chair. “No, you can’t mean that!” He walked over to the other side of the kitchen.
“Tony, have you ever known me to say anything I didn’t mean?”
Tony wouldn’t hear him. He frantically shook his head. “I’m s-stupid and a s-screw up! I-I’m worthless!”
“No, Tony! No, you’re not. You’re my son and I love you.” Gibbs said as he embraced the crying man.
Tony grasped onto Gibbs shirt as if were his lifeline. Gibbs led them back to sit down. Tony sobbed heavily as he let Gibbs’ words wash over him. He leaned back and wiped his face. “W-What happens when you’re sick of me?” He bit his lower lip.
“Not going to happen.” Gibbs answered firmly.
“But, I-I’ll screw up.”
“All kids do. It doesn’t mean I’d love you any less.”
“I’m not sure if I can believe you.” He said so quietly, almost a whisper.
“Tony, look at me.” He waited for his gaze to come upward. “Do you love me?” Tony shyly nodded. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then everything else will work itself out.” He waited for a time as Tony was deep in thought.
He replied in the saddest voice Jethro had ever heard. “No one’s ever loved me before.”
TBC…
Continue to Chapter 6
After many hours at FBI headquarters, Gibbs and Tony were finally heading home. The younger man was emotionally and physically exhausted. He was currently in the restroom, needing to splash some water on his face.
Gibbs was waiting for him just outside the entry. The lead agent was simply trying to process everything that Tony had revealed in his interview. He admired Tony even more for being able to be functional after everything he had been through. He took a deep breath and then speed dialed a number on his cell.
“Boss?” McGee answered. “How’s Tony?”
“Surviving. He did real good. Listen, Tim, Fornell is going to email you a list of names Tony mentioned. A few are doctors he remembered who examined him as a child. Tony confided in a teacher once, but nothing happened. The school apparently received a large cash donation from Tony’s father. Start looking into things in the morning. Be discreet. Don’t outright confront anyone. If Senior had them on the payroll or anything like that, we can’t alert him to anything.”
“Sure, Boss.”
*
The door to the bathroom opened and Tony stepped out wearily. He was practically asleep on his feet. He knew he was simply interviewed, but he felt like he had been interrogated. He did not know the point of all of this, nothing could touch his father. He allowed Gibbs to lead him to the car. Tony said nothing as he lay his head against the window and drifted asleep. He did not realize that Gibbs stopped at Tony’s favorite pizza parlor and picked up dinner. He awoke when they returned to Gibbs’ house.
“Tony? Come on, Buddy. Up and at ‘em.”
Tony stretched as he left the car. “Smells good…” He commented as they entered the home.
“Sit down.” Gibbs gently urged as he grabbed two plates and some soda from the fridge. He would normally serve beer, but Jethro didn’t think getting Tony drunk would be helpful.
Tony looked at the pizza. “My favorite.” Tony had a sad smile on his face.
“Uh Huh.” Jethro responded as he plucked a piece from the box and shoved it in his mouth.
Tony pondered for a moment. “I don’t think my father knew my favorite anything.” He said softly as he picked a small morsel of cheese from his piece and placed it in his mouth. As hungry as he seemed, he wasn’t sure he could stomach eating. He then looked at Gibbs. “Why do you?” He asked innocently, not understand the kindness his Boss had shown him.
“Because I do.”
“Why?” Tony asked again.
Gibbs placed his pizza down and cursed Tony’s father internally. Senior didn’t deserve a son like him. “Tony, when I lost Shannon and Kelly…” Gibbs paused as his voice cracked. Even after all these years, it was still so hard to talk about. But, Tony was worth it. “My heart shut down. Even though I remarried, I couldn’t bare to have anymore kids. I couldn’t risk my heart like that again. I couldn’t go through that ever again.” He shook his head. “And then I met this smart ass Detective from the Baltimore PD. He was cocky, but had the know how to back it up.” He stopped as Tony blushed and looked away. “I was lucky that he signed on to join me.” Gibbs leaned closer to Tony. “And here’s the thing.” He paused to make sure he had Tony’s full attention. “I care about my team. I may have a funny way of showing it, but I care.” He grabbed Tony’s hand. “But you were different, Tony. When I thought Sacko had you, when you fell out of the plane, when that crazy woman gave you the Plague, I was scared. I was scared knowing that I could lose you. I was devastated when we lost Kate, but I would have been destroyed if I had lost you.” Gibbs said with conviction as his eyes watered. “I can’t bare to lose another child.”
Tony turned to him with tears in his eyes. “Gibbs?” He whispered.
“I meant it last night when I said I love you like my own. In my heart, I have two children: you and Kelly.”
Tony stood in disbelief and knocked over his chair. “No, you can’t mean that!” He walked over to the other side of the kitchen.
“Tony, have you ever known me to say anything I didn’t mean?”
Tony wouldn’t hear him. He frantically shook his head. “I’m s-stupid and a s-screw up! I-I’m worthless!”
“No, Tony! No, you’re not. You’re my son and I love you.” Gibbs said as he embraced the crying man.
Tony grasped onto Gibbs shirt as if were his lifeline. Gibbs led them back to sit down. Tony sobbed heavily as he let Gibbs’ words wash over him. He leaned back and wiped his face. “W-What happens when you’re sick of me?” He bit his lower lip.
“Not going to happen.” Gibbs answered firmly.
“But, I-I’ll screw up.”
“All kids do. It doesn’t mean I’d love you any less.”
“I’m not sure if I can believe you.” He said so quietly, almost a whisper.
“Tony, look at me.” He waited for his gaze to come upward. “Do you love me?” Tony shyly nodded. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then everything else will work itself out.” He waited for a time as Tony was deep in thought.
He replied in the saddest voice Jethro had ever heard. “No one’s ever loved me before.”
TBC…
Continue to Chapter 6