Fic: An Unexpected Twist (Sam/Dean) Chapter 12
Title: An Unexpected Twist
Rating: M+
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Spoilers: General timeline of Supernatural
Warnings: GENDERSWAP; wincest
Category: slash; romance/angst
Beta: batina35
Summary: The brothers get a lesson in life that they did not ask for. Will it change their relationship forever?
Previous chapters here: Marie's Memories
Warning: mentions/implied non-con; hurt!dean
This chapter: Finally...some moments between Sam and Dean.
Warning: Wincest
Chapter 12
The next morning, John stood in the kitchen making breakfast. Sam walked in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Morning.” He mumbled.
“Sam.” John said as he reached for the coffee machine and poured three cups of coffee.
“Where's Dean?” Sam asked.
“She's outside by the lake.” John answered as he handed a cup to him. “Watch the pancakes for me, Sammy.”
“Why?”
“I'm going to go talk to Dean.” The eldest Winchester did not give Sam a chance to question him. He grabbed the other two mugs and exited the back door. John walked down the long steps and onto the back deck, where Dean sat staring at the water. She looked so small and vulnerable.
Dean was so caught up in her thoughts that she did not hear her father approaching. She startled at his voice.
“Dean.” He said softly.
She remembered the events of the previous night and felt embarrassed. She could barely look at him. She accepted the mug that was offered. “Thanks.” She replied quietly as she took a sip and then placed it down on the deck.
John sat down next to her. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” She tried to play it off.
“Dean, you know what I mean.” He paused as she glanced away. John was in new territory here. In the past, he never felt the need to confront his children over most matters. They were men, they did not need to 'talk it out.' At least that was the kind of relationship he had with Dean. Now, he was confused on how to approach this version of his son. He cleared his throat. “I can't begin to understand what you are going through...”
Dean interrupted. “Dad, please...” Her voice begged as her eyes watered.
“No, Dean. I don't want to avoid it anymore. I don't know how to help you. If you can't talk to me or Sammy, then maybe it might help to talk to someone else.”
“I just need some time.” She said as she stared down at her trembling hands.
“And you'll get all the time you need. But, not sleeping or eating well is taking its toll on you. I'm worried about you, Dean.”
She looked up at him. “I know.”
“I hope you do. Sam and I just want to help you get better.” The two fell into silence for some time. John sipped on his coffee, while he watched Dean out of the corner of his eye. It looked as if she wanted to speak, so he gave her all the time she needed.
“Dad?” She began as she continued to stare out at the lake.
“Yeah?”
She bit her lip before replying. “I-I've noticed you looking at me strangely...is it because of what happened? Are you ashamed of me?” She hung her head. Since arriving at the lake house, on occasion, when John gazed at her, she could not gage his expression; it was like he saw her but then felt the need to look away. Or at times, the intensity in which he watched her was too much. She never felt threatened over it, she just did not understand.
He gently turned her towards him. “Listen to me, what happened to you was NOT your fault. I'm proud of how you have handled yourself.” He paused as he felt his voice hitch. He spoke quietly. “Sometimes, when I see you...you look so much like your mother...” He felt his eyes water as he fiddled with his wedding ring. “There are some days when I almost forget how beautiful she was. And seeing you like this...” He sniffed slightly.
Dean nodded her head, now finally understanding. “What if I stay like this forever? What are we going to do?”
“We'll reverse it, Dean.” John said with conviction. “And if we don't, we'll deal with it. Just like we've dealt with everything.” Dean appreciated his support. At that moment, she felt warmed to not feel so alone. To be with her brother and father meant the world to her.
“Thanks.” She whispered quietly as she leaned against her dad. John slipped his arm around her thin frame and patted her arm. The two fell silent as they looked upon the still lake.
*
John walked back into the kitchen after some time. He found Sam setting the table. “Everything okay?” The youngest asked. “Where is she?”
“I told her to come up in a few minutes. She wanted a little more time to herself.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That she needs to see a counselor if she can't talk to either of us.”
“And?”
“We'll see. I'm hoping she will...” He was going to continue, but then John heard his cell phone ring. He grabbed it from the kitchen counter top. “John Winchester.” He paused. “Caleb?...yeah...we're at Bartlett's house in Michigian...Dean's doing as well as can be expected, thanks...yeah...Illinois?”
Sam's ears perked up as he watched his father.
“Uh huh...” John went over to his journal. “Go on...there hasn't been a sighting of that in almost 30 years...how many?...” John closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah...thanks...I'll let you know...take care of yourself...bye...” John shut his phone and looked at his journal again.
“What?” Sam asked.
“There's a Sturge demon outside of Skokie, Illinois. It's managed to kill ten people over the last few weeks.” He said as he closed his journal and began gathering a few things.
“Wait? You're going?” Sam said with a clipped tone.
“I have to Sammy. I'm the closest one to it right now. We can't let any more innocents die.”
“But...what about Dean?” Sam nearly added himself; it almost scared him how he had come to rely on his father's presence over the last few weeks.
John sighed. “I don't want to leave, but it's our responsibility to help people.”
“Screw responsibility! She needs you here. You promised that you were going to stay.”
“I haven't once looked for something to hunt, Samuel. Despite the reasons that brought us together, I know my place is with you two right now. But, some things can't be helped. These people need us.” John was starting to grow impatient.
Sam looked away. His nostrils flared as his face tightened. “Well, I hope you have the balls to tell her to her face. Last time, you just took off without a word to Dean.”
“Now, wait a minute Sam...” John's anger started to rise as he stalked towards his youngest. “I'm still your father and you will respect me and accept my decisions.”
Sam stared back at him as his chest heaved. “Fine, SIR. But, YOU'LL be the one to tell her, NOT me...” he was interrupted by the kitchen door opening and Dean walking through.
“Tell me what?” Dean asked with innocent eyes as she surveyed the scene. John and Sam were in each others' faces. She knew she had just walked in on a classic Winchester battle of wills. Neither answered as she saw Sam gaze away and John look down. She saw his cell phone and journal in his hand. “Oh.” She said with no expression on her face. “You're leaving.” She said quietly as she felt her heart drop suddenly.
John reluctantly nodded. “Caleb called. There's a Sturge demon in Illinois. It's killed ten people so far. I should only be gone a few days.”
Dean fought against her eyes tearing. She wanted to appear strong, but she felt conflicted. She knew they needed to help people, but she was selfish. She wanted her family here. “Yeah...sure.” Her voice was monotone. She placed her mug on the table and walked out of the room. She stopped when she heard Sam's voice.
“Dean. Breakfast is ready.”
“I'm not hungry.” She continued on and went to lay down in her room.
*
Sam felt the walls of the lake house closing in on him. John had been gone a day, and Dean had barely left her room or eaten. She kept telling Sam that she was just tired and needed to rest. The youngest Winchester felt desperate to break through the walls she had constructed. He formulated a plan, and only hoped it would not be too extreme. But, Dean could not continue like this.
He went upstairs and showered. He dressed in his usual attire: a pair of jeans and a short sleeved shirt with a long sleeved one over that. As he stared at his face in the bathroom mirror, he took a deep breath. “I hope this works.” He mumbled to himself as he checked his hair. He walked over to Dean's room and knocked lightly.
“Dean?” He said quietly.
“What?” He heard her respond.
“Can I come in?” He waited outside the door for a time. Finally he heard her say yes and he entered.
Dean lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. “What do you want?” She asked as she sat up. She looked at his shower fresh appearance and quirked her eyebrow. “Where are you going?”
“To town. I'm sick of being in this house. I need fresh air.” Sam responded.
Dean's eyes widened as she felt her heart speed up. “But...” She could not even continue.
“What?” He answered gently. “It might do you some good, as well.”
Dean shook her head. “I don't want to go out.” She said as she crossed her arms.
“Well Dean, we have no food. So we'd have to go out anyway.” He paused before continuing. “Unless, you want to stay here and I'll go.”
Dean's eyes narrowed when she realized what her brother was up to. Sam was stubborn and she realized she would not win this argument.
Sam watched the emotions flickering across Dean's face. He knew he was manipulating her and playing upon her fear of being alone, but something had to give. Whatever he and John were doing was not working. Dean stood from the bed and stalked over to her drawer. She grabbed some undergarments, a pair of jeans, and a shirt. She looked up at her younger brother and with cold eyes she said, “You're an asshole, Sam.” With that she went down to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Sam stared at the closed door for a minute, turned, and went down to the den to wait for her. That was the most Dean-like statement Sam had heard in almost a month. He couldn't help the small smile of victory that traversed his face.
*
The car ride to town was enveloped in an uncomfortable silence. Dean was practically pouting in the front seat; her crossed arms and demeanor screamed, 'Don't fuck with me.' Sam did not push her; he was simply happy that he got her outside of the house.
He parked the car near Main Street. The doors of the Impala creaked as they stepped out. Dean walked over to Sam. “Well, now that you've dragged me out, what the hell are we going to do?” She spit out. Dean knew inside that she was being unfair to Sam. She just thought that he understood that she needed time and that she would work through it on her own. To have her hand forced to leave the house...it just seemed too much of a John tactic. Maybe they were more similar than they thought.
Sam ignored the anger in her voice. He was determined for her to enjoy herself tonight. “Whatever you want. Are you hungry?” He asked.
“No.” She answered curtly as she looked around the main town.
Sam tried to keep his patience. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Sam shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Then you won't care if we go to the Greek restaurant up the street.” He chuckled to himself. Dean hated any sort of ethnic food. Sam thinks that Dean's years of traveling through small towns only allowed him to appreciate good, old American fare. He saw Dean purse her lips.
“You know I don't like Greek food.” Her eyes were shooting daggars as she crossed her arms again.
“What difference does it make? You said you're not hungry.” Sam watched as Dean's face reddened.
“Damn it, Sam!” She threw her arms up in the air as she paced. “What do you want from me?!”
“I want you to have a little fun! I want you to get out of the house!” Sam panted as he felt his emotions overwhelm him. His eyes teared as he gently grasped her shoulders. “I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do, Dean. But, it's not healthy. Locking yourself away like you are. I want to help you...in any way that you let me.” He stepped back as she shrugged his arms off her shoulders. She turned away from him. “Don't shut me out, Dean.”
When she faced him again, he had such a sad look in his eyes. Dean could never resist his puppy eyes. “Sam...” She said in an exasperated tone. “Fine. We'll eat something.” She started walking up the street and soon, Sam caught up with her. Things were by no means resolved, but Sam hoped this was a step in the right direction.
*
Dean had settled on a bar and grill. There was not an overwhelming amount of conversation between the two at dinner, but things felt less tense when they exited the restaurant. As they began sauntering down the street, Dean turned to her brother. “So I guess we're not going back yet.”
“Nope.” Sam said with a smile. Dean wanted to punch that grin off his face. “Where to next, Dean?” He asked, ignoring her sigh of frustration.
“Whatever, dude.” She said as she looked around and spotted a coffee shop. “Over there.” She pointed out. Sam held the door open and chuckled when he heard her scowl. They got to the counter and perused the extensive coffee menu.
“Can I help you?” The clerk asked.
Sam turned to Dean. Normally the eldest Winchester enjoyed his coffee strong and black, but his newly acquired female constitution had changed his palate a bit. She thought for a moment. She brushed a long blond lock away from her face and bit her lip. Sam couldn't help to half harden at the sight of her. He really needed to get a grip.
“Um, I'll have a frappacino. Vanilla. Extra whip cream.” She gazed at Sam out of the corner of her eye, challenging him to dare to make fun of her drink choice. When she realized he was not going to , she relaxed a bit.
“Café latte, with an extra shot of espresso, please.” Sam ordered and paid. Dean grabbed a few napkins. “I'll wait here if you want to grab a seat.” He said to Dean. She agreed and chose a table near the window. Sam was still in her sight of vision, so she felt comfortable and safe.
Sam watched her as she walked away. After seeing where she sat, he turned back to the clerk, who handed him his change. The teenager proceeded to make the drinks. After a few minutes, he handed them to Sam.
“Dude, your girlfriend is so freakin' hot.” The young boy said. Sam felt himself blushing and laughed nervously. He turned and glanced at Dean for a moment.
Dean sat at the table waiting impatiently for her coffee. She looked up to see Sam laughing and he and the clerk looking over at her. She sat stunned, upset they were talking about her. She tried to take a few calming breaths as Sam made his way towards her.
“One frappacino.” He handed the cool beverage to her and sat down.
“What was that about?” She asked in an angry tone.
“What was what about?” Sam was confused.
“You were talking about me. I saw you laughing.”
Sam smiled. “Oh that? That was no big deal.”
“Really? Because I think it is. If you were making fun of me...” A hurt look traversed her face.
Sam interrupted. “Why would I do that?” Sam sighed. “Dean, he told me he thought you were gorgeous.” Dean's eyes widened. “Actually, his exact words were, 'Dude, your girlfriend is so freakin' hot.'”
“What? Your girlfriend?” Dean was shocked. “And you told him I was your brother...um, your sister?” Sam shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from his coffee. “You mean you didn't tell him that?”
“Does it matter?” Sam asked honestly. “Does it bother you that someone thought we were dating or that someone found you attractive?” He saw as Dean looked down and away. “Because you are, you know.” He continued, his voice almost a whisper.
“What?” She asked.
“Attractive.” Sam responded.
“Sam, don't.” Dean sounded like she was begging. After what happened to her, she felt disgusting and shamed.
Sam realized that Dean was getting upset, so he put an end to the conversation. “Anyway, I did tell him that you were my sister and he asked for your number; but, I told him you were taking a break from the dating game right now.” He smiled at her and his heart felt warmed when she smiled back.
They finished their coffees and stepped into the chilly night air. Sam saw Dean shivering a bit, so he took off his flannel shirt and handed it to Dean. She hesitated at first, but acquiesced in the end. The garment was so big that Dean could wrap herself three times around if she wanted to. As she placed the shirt on, she closed her eyes as she was bombarded with Sammy's smell: it was a mixture of cologne and fresh soap. It was comforting.
“Why don't we go back now.” Sam said as he noted how tired Dean looked. They walked to the car under the beautiful moonlight. The night was clear and crisp. Dean nodded off on the ride home. When they arrived, Sam gently awakened her. She looked up into his face and smiled. The two walked into the house and immediately went up the stairs to their respective rooms. As Dean was about to close her door to change for bed, she spoke.
“Sammy?”
“Yeah?”
“Um. Nothing. Good night.” She hesitated before closing her door abruptly.
Sam stood at his door for a moment before closing his own. After he changed into flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt he sat on his bed. He had an overwhelming urge to go talk to her, but he was not sure if she'd still be awake. “Screw it.” He said as he stood up and went to Dean's door. He was about to knock, when her door opened.
“Oh!” Dean exclaimed as she nearly ran into Sam.
“Sorry to scare you, Dean.” He said as he turned his eyes away from her. He couldn't concentrate when he saw her in a white tank top and sleeping pants.
“It's okay. I was just coming to talk to you.”
Sam arched his eyebrow. “Oh? Well, me too.” He gestured into her room and followed Dean in. She sat down on her bed and Sam stayed near the door.
“I wanted to thank you...for...um...tonight...” She felt herself inexplicably flush with embarrassment.
“You're welcome. Thanks for hanging out with me.” He smiled widely as he gazed into her beautiful face. There were a few awkward moments when neither of them said anything. Sam nodded his head and said, “Well, goodnight, Dean.” He forced himself to turn around and leave.
“Wait!” Dean said in a rushed tone. “W-would you stay? I m-mean..for a bit?”
“Um...sure.” He agreed and went to sit on the desk chair while she got under the covers to go to sleep.
“You can lay down here.” She patted the empty side of the queen bed. “It's not like we haven't shared a bed before.” She watched Sam as he glanced at her and then at the bed, but made no movement towards her. She felt her heart sink. “I...you don't have to...I understand...” She said, trying to keep her voice steady.
Sam seemed almost in a trance like state and at the tone of her voice, he snapped out of it. “Wait, Dean. You understand what?”
She couldn't look at him when she spoke. “After what happened...to me...you think I'm disgusting don't you?”
“What?” Sam answered in a shocked tone; he was surprised this is how she saw herself.
“I just thought it would be nice to have you lay down next to me. That's all...I'm sorry...”
Sam stepped closer to her. “Dean.” She did not acknowledge him. “Dean.” He said more forcefully. “Look at me. Please.” He waited until her green eyes focused on him. “I didn't mean to hurt you just then. It's not that I don't want to be next to you.” He ran his hands through his long brown locks as his heart raced.
“Then why?” Dean asked with innocence in her eyes. She just did not understand his hesitation.
Sam began to pace as his breathing picked up and he felt some sweat on his brow. “Jesus...” He said to himself. He wasn't sure if he could tell her the real reason. “I don't know if I can be that close to you, Dean.”
“Why?” She asked again. He knew by the look on her face, his actions were hurting her.
“If I get that close...I...I...” Sam felt like he was hyperventilating.
“Sam. You're scaring me.” Dean replied as she saw her brother's flushed face.
“I love you, Dean.” Sam finally forced out.
“Well, I love you too, Sammy.”
Sam's eyes narrowed when he realized she did not grasp his meaning. “No, Dean. I. Love. You.” He waited for a moment to let it sink in. Dean had no expression on her face, so he continued. “I would love to be able to say that what I feel is wrong; but, I can't. It feels right to me. It feels pure to me; despite what anyone would say.” His eyes watered. You could hear a pin drop in the room. There was no sound. Sam whispered. “Please say something.”
“How long?” Dean's voice wavered. “Since my change?”
Sam shook his head. “Before that.” Dean's eyes blinked absently as she let his words register. She wasn't sure what to say yet.
“When?” She spoke softly when she found her voice again; she felt new tears forming.
“Senior year.” Sam answered as he glanced across the room. His heart was pounding.
Her eyes widened. “Is that why you left?” Her voice was shaky.
“I had a lot of reasons for leaving, Dean. But, yes. That was a major one. I thought what I felt for you was unnatural and wrong. I thought all I needed was to live the 'normal college life' and my feelings would go away. Maybe if I got the perfect girlfriend, I could forget about you in that way. I cared for Jessica...I always will...but she wasn't you.”
At his words, Dean stood and walked to the other side of the room. She needed to process all of this. Her next statement was laced with hurt. “Why now? Is it because it's easier that I'm like this?” She gestured to her now female form. “Would you ever have told me if I were still a guy?”
“I've wanted to...so many times, Dean. I was just so scared; that you would think I was sick...or something...” Sam's eyes looked desperate. “Tell me I haven't ruined the way you think about me.” When she didn't answer, his shoulders slumped as he watched her sit back on the edge of the bed. “I'm sorry.”
“Sammy.” She said as she looked up at him, a few tears pouring from her eyes. She felt the bed sink as Sam sat next to her. Sam dared and reached up and wiped the water from her face. At his soft, warm touch, Dean's eyes drifted closed. When her emerald orbs looked upon him again, she managed to smile. “Sammy.” She whispered as she felt his lips touch hers. The kiss was chaste at first. Soon, Dean opened her mouth and let Sam's tongue caress her own. He heard her moan in delight as he tasted her. They pulled apart panting for breath.
“You are so beautiful, Dean. Man or woman. It doesn't matter to me. I just want you.” Sam leaned his forehead against her. She felt his breath tickling her face.
“I love you too, Sammy.” She said quietly. “B-But...” She trailed off.
Sam leaned back. “But what, Dean.” She looked terrified.
He saw her glance at the bed. “I-I don't know if...i-if I-I can...” She felt panicky for a moment. Luckily Sam understood the root of her fear.
“Dean, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. We still have a lot to deal with, right?” He waited until she nodded her head. “We won't rush into anything until you're ready.” He smirked. “I've waited this long. A little more time is nothing.” He embraced her and his heart warmed when he felt her chuckling against his chest. “Why don't we turn in. Okay?”
“Okay.” She answered and they stood and walked to the head of the bed. Sam got in first and turned down the comforter. He lifted up his arm and Dean slid in and lay on his chest. Dean sighed as she felt his warm embrace. Sam kissed the top of her head and reached over and turned the light off.
TBC...
Rating: M+
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Spoilers: General timeline of Supernatural
Warnings: GENDERSWAP; wincest
Category: slash; romance/angst
Beta: batina35
Summary: The brothers get a lesson in life that they did not ask for. Will it change their relationship forever?
Previous chapters here: Marie's Memories
Warning: mentions/implied non-con; hurt!dean
This chapter: Finally...some moments between Sam and Dean.
Warning: Wincest
Chapter 12
The next morning, John stood in the kitchen making breakfast. Sam walked in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Morning.” He mumbled.
“Sam.” John said as he reached for the coffee machine and poured three cups of coffee.
“Where's Dean?” Sam asked.
“She's outside by the lake.” John answered as he handed a cup to him. “Watch the pancakes for me, Sammy.”
“Why?”
“I'm going to go talk to Dean.” The eldest Winchester did not give Sam a chance to question him. He grabbed the other two mugs and exited the back door. John walked down the long steps and onto the back deck, where Dean sat staring at the water. She looked so small and vulnerable.
Dean was so caught up in her thoughts that she did not hear her father approaching. She startled at his voice.
“Dean.” He said softly.
She remembered the events of the previous night and felt embarrassed. She could barely look at him. She accepted the mug that was offered. “Thanks.” She replied quietly as she took a sip and then placed it down on the deck.
John sat down next to her. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” She tried to play it off.
“Dean, you know what I mean.” He paused as she glanced away. John was in new territory here. In the past, he never felt the need to confront his children over most matters. They were men, they did not need to 'talk it out.' At least that was the kind of relationship he had with Dean. Now, he was confused on how to approach this version of his son. He cleared his throat. “I can't begin to understand what you are going through...”
Dean interrupted. “Dad, please...” Her voice begged as her eyes watered.
“No, Dean. I don't want to avoid it anymore. I don't know how to help you. If you can't talk to me or Sammy, then maybe it might help to talk to someone else.”
“I just need some time.” She said as she stared down at her trembling hands.
“And you'll get all the time you need. But, not sleeping or eating well is taking its toll on you. I'm worried about you, Dean.”
She looked up at him. “I know.”
“I hope you do. Sam and I just want to help you get better.” The two fell into silence for some time. John sipped on his coffee, while he watched Dean out of the corner of his eye. It looked as if she wanted to speak, so he gave her all the time she needed.
“Dad?” She began as she continued to stare out at the lake.
“Yeah?”
She bit her lip before replying. “I-I've noticed you looking at me strangely...is it because of what happened? Are you ashamed of me?” She hung her head. Since arriving at the lake house, on occasion, when John gazed at her, she could not gage his expression; it was like he saw her but then felt the need to look away. Or at times, the intensity in which he watched her was too much. She never felt threatened over it, she just did not understand.
He gently turned her towards him. “Listen to me, what happened to you was NOT your fault. I'm proud of how you have handled yourself.” He paused as he felt his voice hitch. He spoke quietly. “Sometimes, when I see you...you look so much like your mother...” He felt his eyes water as he fiddled with his wedding ring. “There are some days when I almost forget how beautiful she was. And seeing you like this...” He sniffed slightly.
Dean nodded her head, now finally understanding. “What if I stay like this forever? What are we going to do?”
“We'll reverse it, Dean.” John said with conviction. “And if we don't, we'll deal with it. Just like we've dealt with everything.” Dean appreciated his support. At that moment, she felt warmed to not feel so alone. To be with her brother and father meant the world to her.
“Thanks.” She whispered quietly as she leaned against her dad. John slipped his arm around her thin frame and patted her arm. The two fell silent as they looked upon the still lake.
*
John walked back into the kitchen after some time. He found Sam setting the table. “Everything okay?” The youngest asked. “Where is she?”
“I told her to come up in a few minutes. She wanted a little more time to herself.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That she needs to see a counselor if she can't talk to either of us.”
“And?”
“We'll see. I'm hoping she will...” He was going to continue, but then John heard his cell phone ring. He grabbed it from the kitchen counter top. “John Winchester.” He paused. “Caleb?...yeah...we're at Bartlett's house in Michigian...Dean's doing as well as can be expected, thanks...yeah...Illinois?”
Sam's ears perked up as he watched his father.
“Uh huh...” John went over to his journal. “Go on...there hasn't been a sighting of that in almost 30 years...how many?...” John closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah...thanks...I'll let you know...take care of yourself...bye...” John shut his phone and looked at his journal again.
“What?” Sam asked.
“There's a Sturge demon outside of Skokie, Illinois. It's managed to kill ten people over the last few weeks.” He said as he closed his journal and began gathering a few things.
“Wait? You're going?” Sam said with a clipped tone.
“I have to Sammy. I'm the closest one to it right now. We can't let any more innocents die.”
“But...what about Dean?” Sam nearly added himself; it almost scared him how he had come to rely on his father's presence over the last few weeks.
John sighed. “I don't want to leave, but it's our responsibility to help people.”
“Screw responsibility! She needs you here. You promised that you were going to stay.”
“I haven't once looked for something to hunt, Samuel. Despite the reasons that brought us together, I know my place is with you two right now. But, some things can't be helped. These people need us.” John was starting to grow impatient.
Sam looked away. His nostrils flared as his face tightened. “Well, I hope you have the balls to tell her to her face. Last time, you just took off without a word to Dean.”
“Now, wait a minute Sam...” John's anger started to rise as he stalked towards his youngest. “I'm still your father and you will respect me and accept my decisions.”
Sam stared back at him as his chest heaved. “Fine, SIR. But, YOU'LL be the one to tell her, NOT me...” he was interrupted by the kitchen door opening and Dean walking through.
“Tell me what?” Dean asked with innocent eyes as she surveyed the scene. John and Sam were in each others' faces. She knew she had just walked in on a classic Winchester battle of wills. Neither answered as she saw Sam gaze away and John look down. She saw his cell phone and journal in his hand. “Oh.” She said with no expression on her face. “You're leaving.” She said quietly as she felt her heart drop suddenly.
John reluctantly nodded. “Caleb called. There's a Sturge demon in Illinois. It's killed ten people so far. I should only be gone a few days.”
Dean fought against her eyes tearing. She wanted to appear strong, but she felt conflicted. She knew they needed to help people, but she was selfish. She wanted her family here. “Yeah...sure.” Her voice was monotone. She placed her mug on the table and walked out of the room. She stopped when she heard Sam's voice.
“Dean. Breakfast is ready.”
“I'm not hungry.” She continued on and went to lay down in her room.
*
Sam felt the walls of the lake house closing in on him. John had been gone a day, and Dean had barely left her room or eaten. She kept telling Sam that she was just tired and needed to rest. The youngest Winchester felt desperate to break through the walls she had constructed. He formulated a plan, and only hoped it would not be too extreme. But, Dean could not continue like this.
He went upstairs and showered. He dressed in his usual attire: a pair of jeans and a short sleeved shirt with a long sleeved one over that. As he stared at his face in the bathroom mirror, he took a deep breath. “I hope this works.” He mumbled to himself as he checked his hair. He walked over to Dean's room and knocked lightly.
“Dean?” He said quietly.
“What?” He heard her respond.
“Can I come in?” He waited outside the door for a time. Finally he heard her say yes and he entered.
Dean lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. “What do you want?” She asked as she sat up. She looked at his shower fresh appearance and quirked her eyebrow. “Where are you going?”
“To town. I'm sick of being in this house. I need fresh air.” Sam responded.
Dean's eyes widened as she felt her heart speed up. “But...” She could not even continue.
“What?” He answered gently. “It might do you some good, as well.”
Dean shook her head. “I don't want to go out.” She said as she crossed her arms.
“Well Dean, we have no food. So we'd have to go out anyway.” He paused before continuing. “Unless, you want to stay here and I'll go.”
Dean's eyes narrowed when she realized what her brother was up to. Sam was stubborn and she realized she would not win this argument.
Sam watched the emotions flickering across Dean's face. He knew he was manipulating her and playing upon her fear of being alone, but something had to give. Whatever he and John were doing was not working. Dean stood from the bed and stalked over to her drawer. She grabbed some undergarments, a pair of jeans, and a shirt. She looked up at her younger brother and with cold eyes she said, “You're an asshole, Sam.” With that she went down to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Sam stared at the closed door for a minute, turned, and went down to the den to wait for her. That was the most Dean-like statement Sam had heard in almost a month. He couldn't help the small smile of victory that traversed his face.
*
The car ride to town was enveloped in an uncomfortable silence. Dean was practically pouting in the front seat; her crossed arms and demeanor screamed, 'Don't fuck with me.' Sam did not push her; he was simply happy that he got her outside of the house.
He parked the car near Main Street. The doors of the Impala creaked as they stepped out. Dean walked over to Sam. “Well, now that you've dragged me out, what the hell are we going to do?” She spit out. Dean knew inside that she was being unfair to Sam. She just thought that he understood that she needed time and that she would work through it on her own. To have her hand forced to leave the house...it just seemed too much of a John tactic. Maybe they were more similar than they thought.
Sam ignored the anger in her voice. He was determined for her to enjoy herself tonight. “Whatever you want. Are you hungry?” He asked.
“No.” She answered curtly as she looked around the main town.
Sam tried to keep his patience. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Sam shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Then you won't care if we go to the Greek restaurant up the street.” He chuckled to himself. Dean hated any sort of ethnic food. Sam thinks that Dean's years of traveling through small towns only allowed him to appreciate good, old American fare. He saw Dean purse her lips.
“You know I don't like Greek food.” Her eyes were shooting daggars as she crossed her arms again.
“What difference does it make? You said you're not hungry.” Sam watched as Dean's face reddened.
“Damn it, Sam!” She threw her arms up in the air as she paced. “What do you want from me?!”
“I want you to have a little fun! I want you to get out of the house!” Sam panted as he felt his emotions overwhelm him. His eyes teared as he gently grasped her shoulders. “I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do, Dean. But, it's not healthy. Locking yourself away like you are. I want to help you...in any way that you let me.” He stepped back as she shrugged his arms off her shoulders. She turned away from him. “Don't shut me out, Dean.”
When she faced him again, he had such a sad look in his eyes. Dean could never resist his puppy eyes. “Sam...” She said in an exasperated tone. “Fine. We'll eat something.” She started walking up the street and soon, Sam caught up with her. Things were by no means resolved, but Sam hoped this was a step in the right direction.
*
Dean had settled on a bar and grill. There was not an overwhelming amount of conversation between the two at dinner, but things felt less tense when they exited the restaurant. As they began sauntering down the street, Dean turned to her brother. “So I guess we're not going back yet.”
“Nope.” Sam said with a smile. Dean wanted to punch that grin off his face. “Where to next, Dean?” He asked, ignoring her sigh of frustration.
“Whatever, dude.” She said as she looked around and spotted a coffee shop. “Over there.” She pointed out. Sam held the door open and chuckled when he heard her scowl. They got to the counter and perused the extensive coffee menu.
“Can I help you?” The clerk asked.
Sam turned to Dean. Normally the eldest Winchester enjoyed his coffee strong and black, but his newly acquired female constitution had changed his palate a bit. She thought for a moment. She brushed a long blond lock away from her face and bit her lip. Sam couldn't help to half harden at the sight of her. He really needed to get a grip.
“Um, I'll have a frappacino. Vanilla. Extra whip cream.” She gazed at Sam out of the corner of her eye, challenging him to dare to make fun of her drink choice. When she realized he was not going to , she relaxed a bit.
“Café latte, with an extra shot of espresso, please.” Sam ordered and paid. Dean grabbed a few napkins. “I'll wait here if you want to grab a seat.” He said to Dean. She agreed and chose a table near the window. Sam was still in her sight of vision, so she felt comfortable and safe.
Sam watched her as she walked away. After seeing where she sat, he turned back to the clerk, who handed him his change. The teenager proceeded to make the drinks. After a few minutes, he handed them to Sam.
“Dude, your girlfriend is so freakin' hot.” The young boy said. Sam felt himself blushing and laughed nervously. He turned and glanced at Dean for a moment.
Dean sat at the table waiting impatiently for her coffee. She looked up to see Sam laughing and he and the clerk looking over at her. She sat stunned, upset they were talking about her. She tried to take a few calming breaths as Sam made his way towards her.
“One frappacino.” He handed the cool beverage to her and sat down.
“What was that about?” She asked in an angry tone.
“What was what about?” Sam was confused.
“You were talking about me. I saw you laughing.”
Sam smiled. “Oh that? That was no big deal.”
“Really? Because I think it is. If you were making fun of me...” A hurt look traversed her face.
Sam interrupted. “Why would I do that?” Sam sighed. “Dean, he told me he thought you were gorgeous.” Dean's eyes widened. “Actually, his exact words were, 'Dude, your girlfriend is so freakin' hot.'”
“What? Your girlfriend?” Dean was shocked. “And you told him I was your brother...um, your sister?” Sam shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from his coffee. “You mean you didn't tell him that?”
“Does it matter?” Sam asked honestly. “Does it bother you that someone thought we were dating or that someone found you attractive?” He saw as Dean looked down and away. “Because you are, you know.” He continued, his voice almost a whisper.
“What?” She asked.
“Attractive.” Sam responded.
“Sam, don't.” Dean sounded like she was begging. After what happened to her, she felt disgusting and shamed.
Sam realized that Dean was getting upset, so he put an end to the conversation. “Anyway, I did tell him that you were my sister and he asked for your number; but, I told him you were taking a break from the dating game right now.” He smiled at her and his heart felt warmed when she smiled back.
They finished their coffees and stepped into the chilly night air. Sam saw Dean shivering a bit, so he took off his flannel shirt and handed it to Dean. She hesitated at first, but acquiesced in the end. The garment was so big that Dean could wrap herself three times around if she wanted to. As she placed the shirt on, she closed her eyes as she was bombarded with Sammy's smell: it was a mixture of cologne and fresh soap. It was comforting.
“Why don't we go back now.” Sam said as he noted how tired Dean looked. They walked to the car under the beautiful moonlight. The night was clear and crisp. Dean nodded off on the ride home. When they arrived, Sam gently awakened her. She looked up into his face and smiled. The two walked into the house and immediately went up the stairs to their respective rooms. As Dean was about to close her door to change for bed, she spoke.
“Sammy?”
“Yeah?”
“Um. Nothing. Good night.” She hesitated before closing her door abruptly.
Sam stood at his door for a moment before closing his own. After he changed into flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt he sat on his bed. He had an overwhelming urge to go talk to her, but he was not sure if she'd still be awake. “Screw it.” He said as he stood up and went to Dean's door. He was about to knock, when her door opened.
“Oh!” Dean exclaimed as she nearly ran into Sam.
“Sorry to scare you, Dean.” He said as he turned his eyes away from her. He couldn't concentrate when he saw her in a white tank top and sleeping pants.
“It's okay. I was just coming to talk to you.”
Sam arched his eyebrow. “Oh? Well, me too.” He gestured into her room and followed Dean in. She sat down on her bed and Sam stayed near the door.
“I wanted to thank you...for...um...tonight...” She felt herself inexplicably flush with embarrassment.
“You're welcome. Thanks for hanging out with me.” He smiled widely as he gazed into her beautiful face. There were a few awkward moments when neither of them said anything. Sam nodded his head and said, “Well, goodnight, Dean.” He forced himself to turn around and leave.
“Wait!” Dean said in a rushed tone. “W-would you stay? I m-mean..for a bit?”
“Um...sure.” He agreed and went to sit on the desk chair while she got under the covers to go to sleep.
“You can lay down here.” She patted the empty side of the queen bed. “It's not like we haven't shared a bed before.” She watched Sam as he glanced at her and then at the bed, but made no movement towards her. She felt her heart sink. “I...you don't have to...I understand...” She said, trying to keep her voice steady.
Sam seemed almost in a trance like state and at the tone of her voice, he snapped out of it. “Wait, Dean. You understand what?”
She couldn't look at him when she spoke. “After what happened...to me...you think I'm disgusting don't you?”
“What?” Sam answered in a shocked tone; he was surprised this is how she saw herself.
“I just thought it would be nice to have you lay down next to me. That's all...I'm sorry...”
Sam stepped closer to her. “Dean.” She did not acknowledge him. “Dean.” He said more forcefully. “Look at me. Please.” He waited until her green eyes focused on him. “I didn't mean to hurt you just then. It's not that I don't want to be next to you.” He ran his hands through his long brown locks as his heart raced.
“Then why?” Dean asked with innocence in her eyes. She just did not understand his hesitation.
Sam began to pace as his breathing picked up and he felt some sweat on his brow. “Jesus...” He said to himself. He wasn't sure if he could tell her the real reason. “I don't know if I can be that close to you, Dean.”
“Why?” She asked again. He knew by the look on her face, his actions were hurting her.
“If I get that close...I...I...” Sam felt like he was hyperventilating.
“Sam. You're scaring me.” Dean replied as she saw her brother's flushed face.
“I love you, Dean.” Sam finally forced out.
“Well, I love you too, Sammy.”
Sam's eyes narrowed when he realized she did not grasp his meaning. “No, Dean. I. Love. You.” He waited for a moment to let it sink in. Dean had no expression on her face, so he continued. “I would love to be able to say that what I feel is wrong; but, I can't. It feels right to me. It feels pure to me; despite what anyone would say.” His eyes watered. You could hear a pin drop in the room. There was no sound. Sam whispered. “Please say something.”
“How long?” Dean's voice wavered. “Since my change?”
Sam shook his head. “Before that.” Dean's eyes blinked absently as she let his words register. She wasn't sure what to say yet.
“When?” She spoke softly when she found her voice again; she felt new tears forming.
“Senior year.” Sam answered as he glanced across the room. His heart was pounding.
Her eyes widened. “Is that why you left?” Her voice was shaky.
“I had a lot of reasons for leaving, Dean. But, yes. That was a major one. I thought what I felt for you was unnatural and wrong. I thought all I needed was to live the 'normal college life' and my feelings would go away. Maybe if I got the perfect girlfriend, I could forget about you in that way. I cared for Jessica...I always will...but she wasn't you.”
At his words, Dean stood and walked to the other side of the room. She needed to process all of this. Her next statement was laced with hurt. “Why now? Is it because it's easier that I'm like this?” She gestured to her now female form. “Would you ever have told me if I were still a guy?”
“I've wanted to...so many times, Dean. I was just so scared; that you would think I was sick...or something...” Sam's eyes looked desperate. “Tell me I haven't ruined the way you think about me.” When she didn't answer, his shoulders slumped as he watched her sit back on the edge of the bed. “I'm sorry.”
“Sammy.” She said as she looked up at him, a few tears pouring from her eyes. She felt the bed sink as Sam sat next to her. Sam dared and reached up and wiped the water from her face. At his soft, warm touch, Dean's eyes drifted closed. When her emerald orbs looked upon him again, she managed to smile. “Sammy.” She whispered as she felt his lips touch hers. The kiss was chaste at first. Soon, Dean opened her mouth and let Sam's tongue caress her own. He heard her moan in delight as he tasted her. They pulled apart panting for breath.
“You are so beautiful, Dean. Man or woman. It doesn't matter to me. I just want you.” Sam leaned his forehead against her. She felt his breath tickling her face.
“I love you too, Sammy.” She said quietly. “B-But...” She trailed off.
Sam leaned back. “But what, Dean.” She looked terrified.
He saw her glance at the bed. “I-I don't know if...i-if I-I can...” She felt panicky for a moment. Luckily Sam understood the root of her fear.
“Dean, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. We still have a lot to deal with, right?” He waited until she nodded her head. “We won't rush into anything until you're ready.” He smirked. “I've waited this long. A little more time is nothing.” He embraced her and his heart warmed when he felt her chuckling against his chest. “Why don't we turn in. Okay?”
“Okay.” She answered and they stood and walked to the head of the bed. Sam got in first and turned down the comforter. He lifted up his arm and Dean slid in and lay on his chest. Dean sighed as she felt his warm embrace. Sam kissed the top of her head and reached over and turned the light off.
TBC...