sorry, today it's in English.
if you are in my heart then how can you be far? if you are in my heart then how can you feel bad?
there are so many people in my heart
there is so much love in my heart
my heart is strong and powerful
so all these people are near and they feel good. for they are in my heart..
for you are in my heart
1-12-11
1st day of winter. i suppose it's quite cold in Ukraine..
am waiting for my flight to chennai
am grateful for these things which happen to me. and it's only 1.5 months. and so many happenings
2-12-11
ok.. soon is New Year.. an in Chennai.. missed Kamal.. gave a call to police - they told that 14 more days in jail. then back to judge. and then most probably to his country..
it's possible to visit him now.. wish i could be there.. though.. what could i do.. i hope he has time and space for purification.. hope he feels and realizes and develops his understanding and practice into pure ways of heart.
who knows what about to come. now i know for sure that i know nothing what's about to come. most wonderful and most sad things i never knew will about to come.. but i miss him a lot ) it's a sad smile. but i really miss him a lot..
hope one day we meet. nomatter when.. though, if it's in God's will. then we meet. otherwise i don't claim for that. i learn to accept. i know God's caring for me a lot. i know He gives me all this to learn and to develop. and for more trust and greater deeds.
i hope.
i'll see.
i never know.
i just learn to trust.
i feel so much interrelated with this project... so many things in it are about me.. hope it'll do me good.. even now for last day i've learnt many things. and am learning of playfulness of not hurting when asking for some things and of some time seriousness about the project.
and learning to accept. thank God.. thank God..
i feel sadness in my heart.. i need meditation. for sure. not moving anywhere. just meditating..
miss David, miss Marina, Takeshi.. hope guys are doing fine ) specially if they all are in love ))
what God teaches me? is it about that once I ran away from collaboration with young director in Ukraine and now this wave caught me im India? what this situation teaches me? with Angela? with Anbu? with Goa? with Kamal? with everything? i missed what i had before... but nothing is like before anymore. i've changed. and i keep on changing. though sometimes i feel very sad. sometimes it's even grief.. and i can do nothing about that.. i hope that i can totally go into trust towards life and relax totally and accept anything which comes. i hope. and i make as much efforts as possible.
how's that possible like that? that only now opened Galinka's folder with music she gave me and there is exactly that album about which I was told by singer from Bhagsu - bansal surinder. and i listened to that voice just when i was missing all that much.
how so? how is that happening?
am tripping myself reading this script, so much it is about me. everything weaves into incredible linen, but i still can't see the whole picture.. ) emotions roll over me, and i don't know how to express them here.. for sure - i need just to express. without 'how". everything that comes - that to express. will see what comes out of that ) so beautiful.. white one.. the only white one here, haven't met anyone more.. sitting in cafe and crying.. very funny..
i don't understand.. don't understand.. how so.. i read, and as much i read, the more my heart opens. but what does it say to me? what? what should i accept more? in what exactly have i limited myself in life? that Kamal did to some extend as Agoras do? that everything's united, everything's one? yes it is very much same like i experiment with myself. but what to do? how? i don't understand.. i don't understand.. i feel growing tension.. and again i don't understand.. i'm asking the Universe.. it's important for me to understand..
4-12-11
14:40
dear Kamal,
am so confused here..
22:25
am not confused now.
been to pudjas in 2 temples near the place we stay and work.. first called me before i ever knew there's a temple. and i felt strong determination to go there. so i entered. knew nothing what to do. but there sat a friendly indian woman named Devi. she led me to baba, and he gave me flowers to my hair from vimana. and made pudja for me.. fires and that powder for forehead.. and they told me "Mariam" showing on vimana. i was amazed..
and so strong energies there... i felt you so strong. sending my love to you... and when baba was ringing the bells.. and indian women put those flowers in my hair and marked my forehead with that dark red powder..
and then i felt ready for temple that's more close to our place.. and when we approached - just in 10 minutes from that pudja was about to start! amazing... so we went there.. I once again went in, leaving my friend at the street.. and there... there, when everything was taking place, i felt energies like those i feel in some places in some orthodox christian churches during services......... not all the places ... but still.. and i felt in me strongly how everything's just about the one, how we are all united in different forms and manners and habits. we all just praise love, life and creator. just different forms of that we are and we express.. and then i felt how important is your experience now. and what important mission you carry. i can't form that with mind.. but i felt that.. and i'm also on a mission.. and we're that much connected.. and am so happy that it's so...
am sending you my pure love. from my heart to your beautiful pure heart..
i missed you a lot.. but this evening gave me feeling of you so near.. so close.. so am happy )) am so happy! that i know you )))) and you are near.. you are in my heart )) and more than that...
there are so many people in my heart
there is so much love in my heart
my heart is strong and powerful
so all these people are near and they feel good. for they are in my heart..
for you are in my heart
1-12-11
1st day of winter. i suppose it's quite cold in Ukraine..
am waiting for my flight to chennai
am grateful for these things which happen to me. and it's only 1.5 months. and so many happenings
2-12-11
ok.. soon is New Year.. an in Chennai.. missed Kamal.. gave a call to police - they told that 14 more days in jail. then back to judge. and then most probably to his country..
it's possible to visit him now.. wish i could be there.. though.. what could i do.. i hope he has time and space for purification.. hope he feels and realizes and develops his understanding and practice into pure ways of heart.
who knows what about to come. now i know for sure that i know nothing what's about to come. most wonderful and most sad things i never knew will about to come.. but i miss him a lot ) it's a sad smile. but i really miss him a lot..
hope one day we meet. nomatter when.. though, if it's in God's will. then we meet. otherwise i don't claim for that. i learn to accept. i know God's caring for me a lot. i know He gives me all this to learn and to develop. and for more trust and greater deeds.
i hope.
i'll see.
i never know.
i just learn to trust.
i feel so much interrelated with this project... so many things in it are about me.. hope it'll do me good.. even now for last day i've learnt many things. and am learning of playfulness of not hurting when asking for some things and of some time seriousness about the project.
and learning to accept. thank God.. thank God..
i feel sadness in my heart.. i need meditation. for sure. not moving anywhere. just meditating..
miss David, miss Marina, Takeshi.. hope guys are doing fine ) specially if they all are in love ))
what God teaches me? is it about that once I ran away from collaboration with young director in Ukraine and now this wave caught me im India? what this situation teaches me? with Angela? with Anbu? with Goa? with Kamal? with everything? i missed what i had before... but nothing is like before anymore. i've changed. and i keep on changing. though sometimes i feel very sad. sometimes it's even grief.. and i can do nothing about that.. i hope that i can totally go into trust towards life and relax totally and accept anything which comes. i hope. and i make as much efforts as possible.
how's that possible like that? that only now opened Galinka's folder with music she gave me and there is exactly that album about which I was told by singer from Bhagsu - bansal surinder. and i listened to that voice just when i was missing all that much.
how so? how is that happening?
am tripping myself reading this script, so much it is about me. everything weaves into incredible linen, but i still can't see the whole picture.. ) emotions roll over me, and i don't know how to express them here.. for sure - i need just to express. without 'how". everything that comes - that to express. will see what comes out of that ) so beautiful.. white one.. the only white one here, haven't met anyone more.. sitting in cafe and crying.. very funny..
i don't understand.. don't understand.. how so.. i read, and as much i read, the more my heart opens. but what does it say to me? what? what should i accept more? in what exactly have i limited myself in life? that Kamal did to some extend as Agoras do? that everything's united, everything's one? yes it is very much same like i experiment with myself. but what to do? how? i don't understand.. i don't understand.. i feel growing tension.. and again i don't understand.. i'm asking the Universe.. it's important for me to understand..
4-12-11
14:40
dear Kamal,
am so confused here..
22:25
am not confused now.
been to pudjas in 2 temples near the place we stay and work.. first called me before i ever knew there's a temple. and i felt strong determination to go there. so i entered. knew nothing what to do. but there sat a friendly indian woman named Devi. she led me to baba, and he gave me flowers to my hair from vimana. and made pudja for me.. fires and that powder for forehead.. and they told me "Mariam" showing on vimana. i was amazed..
and so strong energies there... i felt you so strong. sending my love to you... and when baba was ringing the bells.. and indian women put those flowers in my hair and marked my forehead with that dark red powder..
and then i felt ready for temple that's more close to our place.. and when we approached - just in 10 minutes from that pudja was about to start! amazing... so we went there.. I once again went in, leaving my friend at the street.. and there... there, when everything was taking place, i felt energies like those i feel in some places in some orthodox christian churches during services......... not all the places ... but still.. and i felt in me strongly how everything's just about the one, how we are all united in different forms and manners and habits. we all just praise love, life and creator. just different forms of that we are and we express.. and then i felt how important is your experience now. and what important mission you carry. i can't form that with mind.. but i felt that.. and i'm also on a mission.. and we're that much connected.. and am so happy that it's so...
am sending you my pure love. from my heart to your beautiful pure heart..
i missed you a lot.. but this evening gave me feeling of you so near.. so close.. so am happy )) am so happy! that i know you )))) and you are near.. you are in my heart )) and more than that...