(no subject)
I've moved into my own apartment. This should be such a joyous occasion...but I have yet to have that joy. More than anything it just seems to accentuate so many more things like the fact that this whole situation was never in my plans. And how I've lived here since August and have yet to make any friends. Yeah, I know a big part of it is my own fault. I haven't really wanted to go out and make friends, hell I don't think I know how to make friends anymore. Everytime I try, it just doesn't seem to work out. Damn the twentys. Part of the problem is I like being friends with guys and guys just aren't that keen on being friends around this time in their lives (well, that's my opionion anyway) and then there's the fact that I'm can be kinda snobby. And according to people that I work with at the mall I'm cold hearted and have a wall up which he has refered to the great wall of China and keeps telling me to take a few of the bricks out. Personally I don't agree with the cold hearted thing. The great wall of Maria--yeah that's there. I'm also just horribly lonely and miss my bff so terribly and I miss having people to hang out with that aren't related to me or under the age of ten. Don't get me wrong, I really love my nephews (most of the time) but I'd like to be able to get a beer with someone. Talk about music and other stuff. World events, pop culture, the latest bit of anything. I'm horrible at making friends on the internet, I just don't know...maybe I try to hard. Maybe my insane need to be reasurred and complimented gets the best of me--I end up over flatering (if that's even possible) or I say something that I shouldn't (which happens way too often)that gets taken the wrong way. Ahhh...such is life.