Little Women Fic: A Night to Remember, Chapter 4 (Jo/Laurie)

[mariagoner]

This will, sadly, likely be the last time I update this fic until the summer releases me from the burdens of schooling. But at the least, I finally, finally got to write some smut and got comfortable with Laurie's POV. It's odd-- it's as though the character suddenly started talking right into my ear and wouldn't shut up until I had finished off

Comments

5,000 words before smut?! Blimey!

[twilit]

I am most unfamiliar with having to wait nearly 5,000 words for smut.

As for your concerns, I think your writing of the smut stays in character, having largely to do with the 5,000 run up, describing a couple seriously overthinking their relationship, banging, and the consequences thereof. As for desecrating great literature, fuckit, you had fun. It could do with more edits as I hitched on a couple of spelling mistakes, but otherwise, I enjoyed this.

Speaking of edits, I never got a response re: those comments you left in my journal, still need/want my help?

Re: 5,000 words before smut?! Blimey!

[mariagoner]

Hah! You think that's bad? I somehow managed to write almost 20,000 words without even getting to the smut in this chapter's end-- and it's interrupted as well by plot and characterization! I'm surprised any readers who are following along purely for the sexing haven't hauled me off and beaten me to death for delaying it so long. I probably would deserve it. ;)

And thank you for the help with Dark Scribe Begins once more! I'm still thinking about the long-term plot but thanks to you, I feel a lot surer about what's going to be going on in the next few chapters. After the party, I'm not sure but the party'll be enough for 2 chapters in and of itself. I suppose I'll get back to you with the comments on the... ahem... villians soon...? ;)

[equinox_blue]

Woohoohoo! I'm pretty sure that witty Victorian foreplay is now my favorite. :D And a sex cliff-hanger? Very effective hook, m'dear! My favorite line, by far, though: "I wouldn't care if you had-- had-- I don't know-- installed a harem on top of the Eiffel Tower--". It just really struck me as not only absurdly amusing, imagining a harem up there, but also as so in-character and not at all out of place for the era

[mariagoner]

Okay, see now, you just made my weekend! It's one thing to be told that you've written a fic that someone's liked but another completely to know you've given someone... inspiration. Guru Maria, that's me from now on. I am all aflutter with the secret knowledge that I've helped a friend. XD

But all joking aside, thank you so much for your kind comments! For Jo and Laurie, foreplay must be verbal as well as physical-- as much as Laurie might like to toss himself upon Jo with a yowling noise, it just wouldn't be realistic. And I quite like writing Jo as-- well, not a tremulous virgin but at least something of a very unsure one. Poor girl, she's trying to go through with an act that's been pretty much a mystery for all of her life with someone who's done it far more frequently before, and with far more conventionally attractive partners. I can only hope that Laurie can use his nimble mind to come up with a way to assuage her fears and also, finally, to get some from herAnyway, here's to hoping you bagged a very sexy college boy.

[equinox_blue]

*victory dance for raising others' happiness level!* Too bad I'm not still on-campus. HMPF. I'll just have to let this secret inspiration stew for the summer and get more elaborate!

I honestly thought that you kept Jo and Laurie in-character wonderfully, even though the situation was so far removed from what Ms. Alcott could have imagined anyone writing, lol.

college boys are confusing...at present, ONE boy and I are not sure what we're doing. UGH, boys. However, they're worthwhile if they appreciate my snarky humor and impeccable grammar, lol

[auraki]

Laurie's cautious approach, the semi-awkward banter, the brief touches all really contributed to the build of the sex scene....and of course made the cliff-hanger that much more devastating! But I think the sex scene was excellent. I know it's good when I ignore my ringing phone to finish the scene. Both Jo and Laurie have such a heartwarming frailty about them that you have zeroed in on with precision, and Laurie is nothing but reverent in this chapter. Once again I find myself mentally screaming, "WHY CAN'T THIS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE?"

I can't think of anything wrong with this chapter, besides the cliff-hanger. I'll be checking my friends page more often for sure now!

[mariagoner]

Thank you for your kind review! ♥ I'm so glad people are liking this chapter-- I haven't really had the chance to write Jo and Laurie interacting in a casual (er... for certain values of the word 'casual') situation before and it was both very fun and very intimidating trying to figure out what they'd talk about before getting down to the, um, nitty gritty of things. Which is all a long-winded way of saying that I'm glad you enjoyed these two together! They may be awkward-- especially Jo, which I think is part of her charm-- but I find them freaking adorable nonetheless

[mariagoner]

Oh! And I hope you don't mind me replying to this old, ooold review but the A Night to Remember-- the Jo/Laurie Little Women series about their hypothetical wedding night-- has finally been finished! I know my timing is suspect and you're likely crazy-busy but if you'd like to read it, the full story is below. I'm just glad I managed to finally write a Victorian wedding night for a children's book series without actually expiring of shame from corrupting the source text. That took some doing, you know. ;) And I'd love to hear what your thoughts!

http://mariagoner.livejournal.com/182406.html