FFXII Fic: 20 Reasons Why Gabranth Always Has To Be the Senate's Whore (Archadian Cast)
I have no excuse for this. I can only plead that I went mad with relief over finishing yet another wretched final paper (damn you, social intuitionist model of moral development-- damn you) and was inspired by new heights of giddy lunacy by this brilliant gem. And in any case, consider this a test-run with the whole of the Archadian cast of Judges, lunatics that they are to be in an occupation with an 83% death rate. They are pretty damn fun to screw around!
Title: 20 Reasons Why Gabranth Always Has To Be the Senate's Whore
Fandom: Final Fantasy XII
Characters/Pairings: Gabranth, Drace, Zargabaath, Zecht, Ghis, Bergan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Just as the title indicates and nothing more.
***
1. Because Drace is old enough to remember a time when the Emperor Gramis was actually effective.
2. Because Bergan is old enough to remember a time when the Emperor Gramis was sexually active.
3. Because Zecht is old enough to remember a time when having a pattern of facial hair that looked as though wind eddies had attached to his cheeks made him both effective and sexually active.
4. Because, though Zargabaath isn't sure, he thinks he is old enough to remember a time when prehistoric beasts roamed the earth.
5. Because no one is actually sure if Ghis truly can age or if that hair of his has cast some sort of immortal, creepily-time-fixated spell.
6. Because Drace protests against gender discrimination when she is the sole female participant in a senatorial orgy.
7. Because Zargabaath protests against age discrimination when he is the oldest participant in a senatorial orgy.
8. Because Ghis protests against interspecies discrimination when he is part of a senatorial orgy and no one really wants to understand why that is, exactly.
9. Because Drace never shaves her armpit hair.
10. Because Zargabaath lets his grow down to his nipples.
11. Because Bergan lets his grow down to his belly button.
12. Because Ghis does the same but braids his as well.
13. Because otherwise, Ghis shaves too much.
14. Because Bergan doesn't shave nearly enough.
15. Because Zargabaath shaves badly enough to have unsightly ingrown hairs.
16. Because how Drace shaves down below leaves strange patterns that left hearts and flowers all over her exterior.
17. Because Gabranth is the youngest.
18. Because Gabranth is used to orgies and cluster fucks of both the literal and metaphorical nature.
19. Because he keeps his arm pit hair at a reasonable length.
20. And finally, and most importantly, because Gabranth doesn't draw unusual panty line designs into his pubic hair in ways sure to affect any young children that scamper about him in odd configurations later.
Title: 20 Reasons Why Gabranth Always Has To Be the Senate's Whore
Fandom: Final Fantasy XII
Characters/Pairings: Gabranth, Drace, Zargabaath, Zecht, Ghis, Bergan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Just as the title indicates and nothing more.
***
1. Because Drace is old enough to remember a time when the Emperor Gramis was actually effective.
2. Because Bergan is old enough to remember a time when the Emperor Gramis was sexually active.
3. Because Zecht is old enough to remember a time when having a pattern of facial hair that looked as though wind eddies had attached to his cheeks made him both effective and sexually active.
4. Because, though Zargabaath isn't sure, he thinks he is old enough to remember a time when prehistoric beasts roamed the earth.
5. Because no one is actually sure if Ghis truly can age or if that hair of his has cast some sort of immortal, creepily-time-fixated spell.
6. Because Drace protests against gender discrimination when she is the sole female participant in a senatorial orgy.
7. Because Zargabaath protests against age discrimination when he is the oldest participant in a senatorial orgy.
8. Because Ghis protests against interspecies discrimination when he is part of a senatorial orgy and no one really wants to understand why that is, exactly.
9. Because Drace never shaves her armpit hair.
10. Because Zargabaath lets his grow down to his nipples.
11. Because Bergan lets his grow down to his belly button.
12. Because Ghis does the same but braids his as well.
13. Because otherwise, Ghis shaves too much.
14. Because Bergan doesn't shave nearly enough.
15. Because Zargabaath shaves badly enough to have unsightly ingrown hairs.
16. Because how Drace shaves down below leaves strange patterns that left hearts and flowers all over her exterior.
17. Because Gabranth is the youngest.
18. Because Gabranth is used to orgies and cluster fucks of both the literal and metaphorical nature.
19. Because he keeps his arm pit hair at a reasonable length.
20. And finally, and most importantly, because Gabranth doesn't draw unusual panty line designs into his pubic hair in ways sure to affect any young children that scamper about him in odd configurations later.