FFXII Fic: Knots, Ties and Tides In 15 Minutes (Larsa/Penelo, Cast)
So... I recently realized that, thanks to very generous readers at both Livejournal and Fanfiction-dot-net, Knots just hit the 100+ reviews mark.
And then I realized that I've literally never written anything that so many people have enjoyed before.
And finally, I realized that I wanted to do something to thank all my lovely readers for spurring me on with this crazy epic all this time.
And this... this turned out to be the natural result of that series of thought processes.
I hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as I do writing it. And yes, I'd be happy to write something like this up for the fic of others. Just wait 'til it gets to your birthday, darlings. ;)
Title: Knots, Ties and Tides In 15 Minutes
Fandom: Final Fantasy XII
Series: Knots, Ties and Tides
Characters/Pairings: Larsa/Penelo, Ashe, Random OCs
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The entire (first half) of the series, condensed for easy reading!
*
Prequel
[After Larsa meets Penelo outside the mines in Bhujerba for the first time]
Larsa: Well, hello. I noticed you’re here being remarkably feisty and cute and also, incredibly in need of some rescuing by someone heroic and manly!
Penelo: Well, I guess I could use kind of a hand getting away from Judge Gorgon over there. You offering any…?
Larsa: Am I? Come to my palace of love, sugar-thighs! You can have all the lace-up booths and sanctuary from evil judges you could ever need!
Penelo: Uhhhh… okay, sure, flippy-haired little girl. I’m sure there’s nothing you could do to harm me.
[Portentous thunder rolls across the scene.]
Ondore: So... do the nobles of House Solidor often take mistresses at so tender an age? Or is Lord Larsa the exception here?
Ghis: Lord Larsa is almost always the exception. May God help us all-- but especially that little girl-- here.
Chapter 1
[In Jahara Village]
Penelo: La di da… fa la la… here I am, being a (mostly) innocent and (completely) politically inexperienced and (fairly) normal girl here! Completely boring and staid and simple-- that’s my story line. And don’t think I don’t appreciate it either!
Ashe: Be prepared to have your world rocked here.
Penelo: AAEDIFHA-- did I just hear your right? You want to make me into nobility?!
Ashe: You’re cute, you’re loyal, you’re friends with the future emperor of Archadia and everyone else that could possibly fit is dead, dead, deader than Dalmascan disco because of purges by the Archadians. What could possibly concern you here?
Penelo: It’s just… damn. I never even thought about it. But it sure seems like a sweet deal with no hidden strings…
Ashe: Ahaha… yes. Yes. No need to get suspicious here.
Penelo: Uhm. Are you sure all that seeing-dead-people stuff hasn’t actually harvested your brain seeds of crazy?
[Walking through the Golgomore Jungle]
Larsa: My God, Penelo, it feels as though it’s been forever and a day since I’ve seen your glorious face!
Penelo: Um… actually… it’s just been a few weeks…
Larsa: So many weeks, Penelo! Too many weeks!
Penelo: Okay, see, I know I’m the Number One Sales Associate in Rabanastre for three years in the running for a reason but-- that’s just crazy.
Larsa; If only I could spirit you away to Archades now, my darling!
Penelo: Bu-bu-buh-- what the hell would I be doing in Archades?
Larsa; Being my wife! But oh, didn’t Lady Ashe tell you?
Penelo: …Sometimes, being conscious just isn’t worth it. So, if you’ll just excuse me…
Chapter 2:
[In Eryupt Village]
Penelo: Guh… uh… ugh… I feel like I just woke up from the worst hang-over ever… did Vaan challenge me to another drinking contest here?
Ashe: Sorry, Sparkles and Sunshine, but you’ve got bigger problems than just being bowled over by a bunny wabbit. Namely, I’m planning on marrying you off to Archadia’s Emperor to be.
Penelo: …Gramis?
Ashe: Old news.
Penelo: Vayne?
Ashe: You wish.
Penelo: …Larsa?!
Ashe: Ka-ching. He’s 12 years old, he’s disturbingly hot-to-trot and he wants you badly.
Penelo: Eeep!
Ashe: Oh, I can’t force you to do it. After all, I can’t make you become the fabulously wealthy and extraordinarily important first Dalmascan Empress of the Archadian empire and put you in a position of power that would let you heal the rift between our two nations merely by using your reproductive organs properly. It’s not like I can just tell you to do what any decent person would do for the love of their country.
Penelo: Oh, geeze, when you put it that way. And if it’s so great, why can’t you do the marrying off?
Ashe: Think, girl. What kind of half-assed queen would I be if I made the mistake of marrying the very people who conquered us and letting my rarefied bloodline mingle with theirs?
Penelo: So what am I supposed to do? Screw an Archadian because they screwed us over earlier?
Ashe: I think you’re starting to get the hang of this kind of thing.
Chapter 3:
Penelo: Oh shit oh shit oh damn oh geeze. Right now, my life is sucking badly. I’m stuck here with a bunch of freaking trees, my entire crew’s left me behind, people keep trying to turn me into a pedophile for politics and my poor would-be-groom is probably being jerked around by his evil overlords in Archades to get him to marry me for some nefarious purpose!
Raya, the Random OC Viera Healer: …Maybe.
Penelo: But oh well, at least I have some nice scenery. Hey, sexy amazon bunny lady. How you doin’?
Raya, the Random OC Viera Healer: …I’m fairly sure the name you gave me is not the name I should be having.
[After Ashe and co. return from the Henne Mines]
Ashe: You done fretting and ready to do some lovin’?
Penelo: Not so fast, crazy lady! I want to spend some time with the creepy kid trying to marry me… though, uh, it’s totally not because I want to try and get him to change his mind about our unholy matrimony. No, uh. Of course not. I’m not trying to expose the evil plans of his guardians or anything here.
Ashe: …I love it when they try to escape their inevitable fate. How long will you need?
Penelo: One day. Just one!
Ashe: Oh, I’m sure you’ll stick to that time table exactly.
Chapter 4:
[After heading to Rabanastre with a prince in tow]
Penelo: Oh, Larsa. You poor, misguided child. Is there anything I could do to make you change your mind about wanting to marry me?
Larsa: Well… I suppose you could somehow magically become unattractive. And incredibly unappealing. And extraordinarily boring. And lose all of your charm, wit, humor, grace, beauty, kindness, sense of empathy, warmth and incredibly fascinating panty line designs.
Penelo: ….
Larsa: I probably shouldn’t have said that last out loud here.
Penelo: But you’re just being manipulated by your elders, Larsa! Can’t you understand that they’re all just trying to stuff up our lives for their own benefit?
Larsa: …Maybe. But… what about peace, Penelo?
Penelo: Well…
Larsa: What about healing the rift between our two countries?
Penelo: Er…
Larsa: What about the poor, sweet, anguished orphans like yourself that you could help so dearly?!
Penelo: Okay, now you’re trying to guilt trip me.
Larsa: Can’t you just give peace a chance, sweet Penelo? For all of us here?
Penelo: I… I guess. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Larsa: Oh Penelo. You’re just so young and so naive!
Chapter 5
[While getting Larsa ready for a night out in Rabanastre, Incognito]
Larsa: Er… Are you sure this is how people dress in Rabanastre, Penelo? I know I have to appear a little less Machiavellian for a short time but these clothes seem a bit flimsy…
Penelo: Larsa. We live in a freaking desert. Vaan can’t afford a shirt. Basch likes wearing old Rozarrian Cinco de Mayo decorations. Ashe dresses only in inappropriately colored tea-cozies. And I just realized that your family was pretty much responsible for the death of mine so don’t push me.
Larsa: …Good point.
Penelo: If we ever get married, we’ll have the most awkward family reunions ever. So why don’t we go out on the town, have some fun and try to kill enough brain cells by drink so that we don’t even have to remember that kind of thing?
Larsa: Even better point here!
[Out in the Rabanastre Night Life]
Penelo: Look, Larsa! Look at the bitchy soldiers! The sad street orphans! The inappropriately dressed-- well, actually, never mind that bit here.
Larsa: …
Penelo: Oh, c’mon, we’re Dalmascan. None of us dress normally. And don’t tell me that seeing an occupied city doesn’t tug at your heart-strings! Even if you don’t end up marrying me, you still need to help save this country!
Larsa: Did I ever tell you about how cute you are when you’re trying to out-plot me?
Penelo: …?
Larsa: Like trying to watch a headless chicken take on a tiger. Adorable, really.
Penelo: …So, uhm, how about a dance-off? I win, I get the favor of my choice. You win and… well, first, hell would probably freeze over and Satan would start lacing up his ice skates. But if you’ve somehow mastered mass-hypnosis, I’ll let you have a favor too.
Larsa: ::shakes his skinny hips and apparently masters mass-hypnosis::
Crowd: We like the trollop with the flippy hair and the cool boots. What can we say-- we’re a sucker for strangers with good follicular upkeep.
Penelo: I hate you all. All of you. So much. So indescribably much here.
Larsa: So… about my favor?
Penelo: …Eeep!
Larsa: Well, I suppose I could save it for later…
Penelo: I’m not sure whether to be more or less disturbed by that. But anyway… to bed!
Larsa: …
Penelo: …Separately!
Chapter 6:
[After waking up the next morning.]
Penelo: Geeze, is it just me or do I spend a little bit too much time hung over in this story? It’s almost like whoever’s writing this wants me make some sort of clumsy point about me being tougher than most people see me, or something.
Random Icky OC Archadian Solider: Well, hello there, you pig-tailed temptress with golden tresses! How you doin’?
Penelo: Oh, don’t even. I’d rather stick my goodies in a blender and press puree. And also, is it just me or do I send off some sort of weird northerners-only hormone or something?
Random Icky OC Archadian Solider: Hey, I’m only doing what the plot’s telling me to do, lady. I can’t answer all your questions here.
Larsa: Stand-back, evil doer! I’ve got an arm that took out a bangaa bounty hunter and probably also signs tons of important documents and I’m not afraid to use it here!
Penelo: Oh, how cute, he’s trying to rescue-- eep!
[Larsa beans the soldier with a rock, grabs Penelo and shuffles her off to safety in Lowtown.]
Larsa: Oh, Penelo! If something had happened to you before, I don’t know what I’d do!
Penelo: Er…
Larsa: I don’t know where I’d be!
Penelo: Um…
Larsa: It’s clear that I need to follow your every move from now on, dear Penelo.
Penelo: Eh…
Larsa: Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you.
Penelo: Eeep! But… but… extremely large issues of how freaking creepy that all sounds, why are you doing this? Don’t you have, like, other things to worry about?
Larsa: You‘d think so, wouldn‘t you? But if I did, this story wouldn’t be here. And you’re the first real friend I’ve ever had that my father didn‘t buy me, Penelo. I can’t let you go so easily!
Penelo: …
Larsa: I’ll do your laundry by hand and promise you flowery oaths about friendship and love but I can’t let you leave! And since I’m a prince of a major empire, you can’t exactly bring a restraining order against me!
Penelo: …Damn. I really need to come up with a clever new plot to get out of this. And maybe think about genetically altering my pheromones or something.
Side Story 1: Of Magisters and Men
[In Archades, sometime between the prequel and chapter 1]
Gabranth: Is it just me or does the fact that Lord Larsa seems almost psychotically fixated on some young Dalmascan chippy with interesting underwear decorations seem kind of… strange?
Drace: Tch. You think he’s bad? You should see what Lord Vayne can get up to when he’s got an esper up his tautly-toned rear!
Gabranth: Isn’t it fun to set up future plot-lines for this story long after you’re gone, Drace?
Drace: One of the few things that gets me through the day, honestly.
Gabranth: Along with my tautly toned rear, of course.
Drace: Oh, naturally.
Chapter 7:
[After getting breakfast in Rabanstre at freaking last.]
Penelo: Oh Larsa. When you’re not being creepy, manipulative, far too precocious for your age or just generally a devious little sumbitch, you’re actually… pretty good company!
Larsa: Thank you! I think. Would now be a good time to reveal that I’m speciest as well?
Penelo: OMG, so weird! What could possibly be strange about living in a society chock full of cuddly rejects from H. R. Geiger’s hind brain?!
Larsa: The world may never know, Penelo. Incidentally, you now owe me another favor about a vacation spot because I out-ate you, unlikely as it seems.
Penelo: …Well, damn. Insert pot-belly joke here.
Larsa: I wonder if these things will ever have any pay-off in the future? Or has everyone reading forgotten about them already?
Penelo: Never mind, we’ve got worse things to think about. Like… how am I supposed to keep Ashe from slaughtering me like a hunky general she has amazing amounts of UST with once I tell her I still haven’t decided to marry you and I still want to spend more time with you to get you to chan-- I mean, make up your mind!
Larsa: Well… you could always tell her that I’m starting to get cold feet and need to encounter more… persuasion from your end.
Penelo: …You… you… you want me to pretend to seduce a small Solidor scion to do my saucy bidding?
Larsa: Bingo. You catch on fast.
Penelo: …Oh, what the heck. I bet hell has a great climate this time of year. I think I’ll do just that after dropping you off at Migelo‘s. But first…
[Penelo hugs Larsa in the Sundries.]
Larsa: My god, the sweet, sweet touch of a woman. It’s even better than I thought it could be!
Penelo: …Um… I think I’ll just go away here.
[After meeting Ashe again in the Village of the Scary Amazon Bunny Ladies]
Ashe: Show-down?
Penelo: Show-down.
Ashe: I wasn’t kidding when I said I loved it when they never see their fate coming.
*
Author's Note: I do hope you all enjoyed that exercise in madness, strange as a parody based on a comedy must be. ;) But in any case, thank you all again for actually reading and commenting on this series and helping to spur it on into its present state of sprawling crazy. ♥
Also, I've recently had the mad idea of writing an alternate pornverse of Knots where Larsa's 16-- instead of 12-- and mad amounts of sex happens at inopportune moments. Would anyone want to read the crazy NC-17 one-shots that'd come out of that if I wrote it? Because I swear, it's been far too long since I wrote a good sex scene for these crazy kids...
And then I realized that I've literally never written anything that so many people have enjoyed before.
And finally, I realized that I wanted to do something to thank all my lovely readers for spurring me on with this crazy epic all this time.
And this... this turned out to be the natural result of that series of thought processes.
I hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as I do writing it. And yes, I'd be happy to write something like this up for the fic of others. Just wait 'til it gets to your birthday, darlings. ;)
Title: Knots, Ties and Tides In 15 Minutes
Fandom: Final Fantasy XII
Series: Knots, Ties and Tides
Characters/Pairings: Larsa/Penelo, Ashe, Random OCs
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The entire (first half) of the series, condensed for easy reading!
*
Prequel
[After Larsa meets Penelo outside the mines in Bhujerba for the first time]
Larsa: Well, hello. I noticed you’re here being remarkably feisty and cute and also, incredibly in need of some rescuing by someone heroic and manly!
Penelo: Well, I guess I could use kind of a hand getting away from Judge Gorgon over there. You offering any…?
Larsa: Am I? Come to my palace of love, sugar-thighs! You can have all the lace-up booths and sanctuary from evil judges you could ever need!
Penelo: Uhhhh… okay, sure, flippy-haired little girl. I’m sure there’s nothing you could do to harm me.
[Portentous thunder rolls across the scene.]
Ondore: So... do the nobles of House Solidor often take mistresses at so tender an age? Or is Lord Larsa the exception here?
Ghis: Lord Larsa is almost always the exception. May God help us all-- but especially that little girl-- here.
Chapter 1
[In Jahara Village]
Penelo: La di da… fa la la… here I am, being a (mostly) innocent and (completely) politically inexperienced and (fairly) normal girl here! Completely boring and staid and simple-- that’s my story line. And don’t think I don’t appreciate it either!
Ashe: Be prepared to have your world rocked here.
Penelo: AAEDIFHA-- did I just hear your right? You want to make me into nobility?!
Ashe: You’re cute, you’re loyal, you’re friends with the future emperor of Archadia and everyone else that could possibly fit is dead, dead, deader than Dalmascan disco because of purges by the Archadians. What could possibly concern you here?
Penelo: It’s just… damn. I never even thought about it. But it sure seems like a sweet deal with no hidden strings…
Ashe: Ahaha… yes. Yes. No need to get suspicious here.
Penelo: Uhm. Are you sure all that seeing-dead-people stuff hasn’t actually harvested your brain seeds of crazy?
[Walking through the Golgomore Jungle]
Larsa: My God, Penelo, it feels as though it’s been forever and a day since I’ve seen your glorious face!
Penelo: Um… actually… it’s just been a few weeks…
Larsa: So many weeks, Penelo! Too many weeks!
Penelo: Okay, see, I know I’m the Number One Sales Associate in Rabanastre for three years in the running for a reason but-- that’s just crazy.
Larsa; If only I could spirit you away to Archades now, my darling!
Penelo: Bu-bu-buh-- what the hell would I be doing in Archades?
Larsa; Being my wife! But oh, didn’t Lady Ashe tell you?
Penelo: …Sometimes, being conscious just isn’t worth it. So, if you’ll just excuse me…
Chapter 2:
[In Eryupt Village]
Penelo: Guh… uh… ugh… I feel like I just woke up from the worst hang-over ever… did Vaan challenge me to another drinking contest here?
Ashe: Sorry, Sparkles and Sunshine, but you’ve got bigger problems than just being bowled over by a bunny wabbit. Namely, I’m planning on marrying you off to Archadia’s Emperor to be.
Penelo: …Gramis?
Ashe: Old news.
Penelo: Vayne?
Ashe: You wish.
Penelo: …Larsa?!
Ashe: Ka-ching. He’s 12 years old, he’s disturbingly hot-to-trot and he wants you badly.
Penelo: Eeep!
Ashe: Oh, I can’t force you to do it. After all, I can’t make you become the fabulously wealthy and extraordinarily important first Dalmascan Empress of the Archadian empire and put you in a position of power that would let you heal the rift between our two nations merely by using your reproductive organs properly. It’s not like I can just tell you to do what any decent person would do for the love of their country.
Penelo: Oh, geeze, when you put it that way. And if it’s so great, why can’t you do the marrying off?
Ashe: Think, girl. What kind of half-assed queen would I be if I made the mistake of marrying the very people who conquered us and letting my rarefied bloodline mingle with theirs?
Penelo: So what am I supposed to do? Screw an Archadian because they screwed us over earlier?
Ashe: I think you’re starting to get the hang of this kind of thing.
Chapter 3:
Penelo: Oh shit oh shit oh damn oh geeze. Right now, my life is sucking badly. I’m stuck here with a bunch of freaking trees, my entire crew’s left me behind, people keep trying to turn me into a pedophile for politics and my poor would-be-groom is probably being jerked around by his evil overlords in Archades to get him to marry me for some nefarious purpose!
Raya, the Random OC Viera Healer: …Maybe.
Penelo: But oh well, at least I have some nice scenery. Hey, sexy amazon bunny lady. How you doin’?
Raya, the Random OC Viera Healer: …I’m fairly sure the name you gave me is not the name I should be having.
[After Ashe and co. return from the Henne Mines]
Ashe: You done fretting and ready to do some lovin’?
Penelo: Not so fast, crazy lady! I want to spend some time with the creepy kid trying to marry me… though, uh, it’s totally not because I want to try and get him to change his mind about our unholy matrimony. No, uh. Of course not. I’m not trying to expose the evil plans of his guardians or anything here.
Ashe: …I love it when they try to escape their inevitable fate. How long will you need?
Penelo: One day. Just one!
Ashe: Oh, I’m sure you’ll stick to that time table exactly.
Chapter 4:
[After heading to Rabanastre with a prince in tow]
Penelo: Oh, Larsa. You poor, misguided child. Is there anything I could do to make you change your mind about wanting to marry me?
Larsa: Well… I suppose you could somehow magically become unattractive. And incredibly unappealing. And extraordinarily boring. And lose all of your charm, wit, humor, grace, beauty, kindness, sense of empathy, warmth and incredibly fascinating panty line designs.
Penelo: ….
Larsa: I probably shouldn’t have said that last out loud here.
Penelo: But you’re just being manipulated by your elders, Larsa! Can’t you understand that they’re all just trying to stuff up our lives for their own benefit?
Larsa: …Maybe. But… what about peace, Penelo?
Penelo: Well…
Larsa: What about healing the rift between our two countries?
Penelo: Er…
Larsa: What about the poor, sweet, anguished orphans like yourself that you could help so dearly?!
Penelo: Okay, now you’re trying to guilt trip me.
Larsa: Can’t you just give peace a chance, sweet Penelo? For all of us here?
Penelo: I… I guess. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Larsa: Oh Penelo. You’re just so young and so naive!
Chapter 5
[While getting Larsa ready for a night out in Rabanastre, Incognito]
Larsa: Er… Are you sure this is how people dress in Rabanastre, Penelo? I know I have to appear a little less Machiavellian for a short time but these clothes seem a bit flimsy…
Penelo: Larsa. We live in a freaking desert. Vaan can’t afford a shirt. Basch likes wearing old Rozarrian Cinco de Mayo decorations. Ashe dresses only in inappropriately colored tea-cozies. And I just realized that your family was pretty much responsible for the death of mine so don’t push me.
Larsa: …Good point.
Penelo: If we ever get married, we’ll have the most awkward family reunions ever. So why don’t we go out on the town, have some fun and try to kill enough brain cells by drink so that we don’t even have to remember that kind of thing?
Larsa: Even better point here!
[Out in the Rabanastre Night Life]
Penelo: Look, Larsa! Look at the bitchy soldiers! The sad street orphans! The inappropriately dressed-- well, actually, never mind that bit here.
Larsa: …
Penelo: Oh, c’mon, we’re Dalmascan. None of us dress normally. And don’t tell me that seeing an occupied city doesn’t tug at your heart-strings! Even if you don’t end up marrying me, you still need to help save this country!
Larsa: Did I ever tell you about how cute you are when you’re trying to out-plot me?
Penelo: …?
Larsa: Like trying to watch a headless chicken take on a tiger. Adorable, really.
Penelo: …So, uhm, how about a dance-off? I win, I get the favor of my choice. You win and… well, first, hell would probably freeze over and Satan would start lacing up his ice skates. But if you’ve somehow mastered mass-hypnosis, I’ll let you have a favor too.
Larsa: ::shakes his skinny hips and apparently masters mass-hypnosis::
Crowd: We like the trollop with the flippy hair and the cool boots. What can we say-- we’re a sucker for strangers with good follicular upkeep.
Penelo: I hate you all. All of you. So much. So indescribably much here.
Larsa: So… about my favor?
Penelo: …Eeep!
Larsa: Well, I suppose I could save it for later…
Penelo: I’m not sure whether to be more or less disturbed by that. But anyway… to bed!
Larsa: …
Penelo: …Separately!
Chapter 6:
[After waking up the next morning.]
Penelo: Geeze, is it just me or do I spend a little bit too much time hung over in this story? It’s almost like whoever’s writing this wants me make some sort of clumsy point about me being tougher than most people see me, or something.
Random Icky OC Archadian Solider: Well, hello there, you pig-tailed temptress with golden tresses! How you doin’?
Penelo: Oh, don’t even. I’d rather stick my goodies in a blender and press puree. And also, is it just me or do I send off some sort of weird northerners-only hormone or something?
Random Icky OC Archadian Solider: Hey, I’m only doing what the plot’s telling me to do, lady. I can’t answer all your questions here.
Larsa: Stand-back, evil doer! I’ve got an arm that took out a bangaa bounty hunter and probably also signs tons of important documents and I’m not afraid to use it here!
Penelo: Oh, how cute, he’s trying to rescue-- eep!
[Larsa beans the soldier with a rock, grabs Penelo and shuffles her off to safety in Lowtown.]
Larsa: Oh, Penelo! If something had happened to you before, I don’t know what I’d do!
Penelo: Er…
Larsa: I don’t know where I’d be!
Penelo: Um…
Larsa: It’s clear that I need to follow your every move from now on, dear Penelo.
Penelo: Eh…
Larsa: Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you.
Penelo: Eeep! But… but… extremely large issues of how freaking creepy that all sounds, why are you doing this? Don’t you have, like, other things to worry about?
Larsa: You‘d think so, wouldn‘t you? But if I did, this story wouldn’t be here. And you’re the first real friend I’ve ever had that my father didn‘t buy me, Penelo. I can’t let you go so easily!
Penelo: …
Larsa: I’ll do your laundry by hand and promise you flowery oaths about friendship and love but I can’t let you leave! And since I’m a prince of a major empire, you can’t exactly bring a restraining order against me!
Penelo: …Damn. I really need to come up with a clever new plot to get out of this. And maybe think about genetically altering my pheromones or something.
Side Story 1: Of Magisters and Men
[In Archades, sometime between the prequel and chapter 1]
Gabranth: Is it just me or does the fact that Lord Larsa seems almost psychotically fixated on some young Dalmascan chippy with interesting underwear decorations seem kind of… strange?
Drace: Tch. You think he’s bad? You should see what Lord Vayne can get up to when he’s got an esper up his tautly-toned rear!
Gabranth: Isn’t it fun to set up future plot-lines for this story long after you’re gone, Drace?
Drace: One of the few things that gets me through the day, honestly.
Gabranth: Along with my tautly toned rear, of course.
Drace: Oh, naturally.
Chapter 7:
[After getting breakfast in Rabanstre at freaking last.]
Penelo: Oh Larsa. When you’re not being creepy, manipulative, far too precocious for your age or just generally a devious little sumbitch, you’re actually… pretty good company!
Larsa: Thank you! I think. Would now be a good time to reveal that I’m speciest as well?
Penelo: OMG, so weird! What could possibly be strange about living in a society chock full of cuddly rejects from H. R. Geiger’s hind brain?!
Larsa: The world may never know, Penelo. Incidentally, you now owe me another favor about a vacation spot because I out-ate you, unlikely as it seems.
Penelo: …Well, damn. Insert pot-belly joke here.
Larsa: I wonder if these things will ever have any pay-off in the future? Or has everyone reading forgotten about them already?
Penelo: Never mind, we’ve got worse things to think about. Like… how am I supposed to keep Ashe from slaughtering me like a hunky general she has amazing amounts of UST with once I tell her I still haven’t decided to marry you and I still want to spend more time with you to get you to chan-- I mean, make up your mind!
Larsa: Well… you could always tell her that I’m starting to get cold feet and need to encounter more… persuasion from your end.
Penelo: …You… you… you want me to pretend to seduce a small Solidor scion to do my saucy bidding?
Larsa: Bingo. You catch on fast.
Penelo: …Oh, what the heck. I bet hell has a great climate this time of year. I think I’ll do just that after dropping you off at Migelo‘s. But first…
[Penelo hugs Larsa in the Sundries.]
Larsa: My god, the sweet, sweet touch of a woman. It’s even better than I thought it could be!
Penelo: …Um… I think I’ll just go away here.
[After meeting Ashe again in the Village of the Scary Amazon Bunny Ladies]
Ashe: Show-down?
Penelo: Show-down.
Ashe: I wasn’t kidding when I said I loved it when they never see their fate coming.
*
Author's Note: I do hope you all enjoyed that exercise in madness, strange as a parody based on a comedy must be. ;) But in any case, thank you all again for actually reading and commenting on this series and helping to spur it on into its present state of sprawling crazy. ♥
Also, I've recently had the mad idea of writing an alternate pornverse of Knots where Larsa's 16-- instead of 12-- and mad amounts of sex happens at inopportune moments. Would anyone want to read the crazy NC-17 one-shots that'd come out of that if I wrote it? Because I swear, it's been far too long since I wrote a good sex scene for these crazy kids...