"where'd u go.i miss u so.seems like its been forever since uve been gone.please come back home"
(&) its scary to look at this because its simply imposible to really know how ill feel about it once i DO leave. what i have now is just an angustia and in a way a big frustration because i dont know what to expect and i dont know exactly how WEIRD and how much of this i will recall, remember and miss from not having in my life....
its been so long. its been so much. its been memories. its been bad. its been good. but most of all, its been the place where everything that today makes what i am and what i have become has offered me.
it took me so much more than i expected. i took me so much more than just simply knowing a language that everyone although understood, took for granted.... and it took me long. really long. but at the end all of it paid off so well. it always does. it does. everything...
and it took me that much to understand that its priceless to be with the people that come from the same place u do...and that they become ur family...and that no matter what happens, good or bad, and no matter how cliche-ish it my sound, its always family (both by blood and by love and frienship) that is always there for u and will always be.
and even so, surprisingly, it took me LONG. too long. to meet the small group of friends - colombian ones - that unexpectedly have made me eager to come back and very sad to leave colombia. u know who u are. its all about compatibility.
its priceless, but most of all, its unfair how happiness always comes in the less opportune times, but also i couldnt be more grateful for always seeing its presence in the moments most needed....which ironically leads me to assure that its not about the things, and its not about happiness...cause happiness is just a word, a concept and never a being...cause happiness is what comes when ur surrounded by the PEOPLE you wish to be....ALWAYS....
and even though its them - us -, people, that construct everything that gives some good meaning to this weird thing that happens in between birth and death, its also them and us that can ruin and hurt it so deeply...like I HAVE BEEN and must confess that HAVE CAUSED in people that did not diserve to during these six years...but i do admit that those have been necessary for me to grow stronger and learn what are my defects, strengths, priorities, and ideologies - lo que quiero y no quiero imitar - y mas que todo, they have been essential for those that DO care (los MUUY pocos, yet incomparables) to stand up and stand out, and impresionarme de la mejor forma posible - the only reason why bad is bad is because if bad was good, there would be no good at all.
there is no word to exaplin how MUCH i will miss you and this...
....and how i felt the in love here, y la manera con que por otro lado, me decepcione y me levante tantas veces con aun mas ganas y mas criterio MIO y no aquello q me habian dicho como cierto alguna vez...
...and there is no word of relief that can explain hearing the vague words that describe the meaning behind "i am so proud of what you have achieved, of being ur parent, and mostly of the person you have become" from the people that even though may not transmit and provoque the most obvious and enloquecent way of love in you, at the end, are those that offer it more than anyone or anything else. maybe the only ones that truly do. maybe the only ones you will find. who knows. its something i dont understand completely and i dont think i will ever. i just like to believe q like EVERYTHING else that surrounds us, its there and the simple presence of it and me making part of it is enough and ALL i can ask for.
there is no WORD, and no humane way that i could possibly explain how it is overwhelmingly painful yet grateful and rewarding to leave this place, and most of all, to have gained another responsibility in life: defender, y siempre que tenga la oportunidad, regresar a colombia. i guess q in these matters and circunstances, GRACIAS is the best i can do.
"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. "
Bruce Barton
its been so long. its been so much. its been memories. its been bad. its been good. but most of all, its been the place where everything that today makes what i am and what i have become has offered me.
it took me so much more than i expected. i took me so much more than just simply knowing a language that everyone although understood, took for granted.... and it took me long. really long. but at the end all of it paid off so well. it always does. it does. everything...
and it took me that much to understand that its priceless to be with the people that come from the same place u do...and that they become ur family...and that no matter what happens, good or bad, and no matter how cliche-ish it my sound, its always family (both by blood and by love and frienship) that is always there for u and will always be.
and even so, surprisingly, it took me LONG. too long. to meet the small group of friends - colombian ones - that unexpectedly have made me eager to come back and very sad to leave colombia. u know who u are. its all about compatibility.
its priceless, but most of all, its unfair how happiness always comes in the less opportune times, but also i couldnt be more grateful for always seeing its presence in the moments most needed....which ironically leads me to assure that its not about the things, and its not about happiness...cause happiness is just a word, a concept and never a being...cause happiness is what comes when ur surrounded by the PEOPLE you wish to be....ALWAYS....
and even though its them - us -, people, that construct everything that gives some good meaning to this weird thing that happens in between birth and death, its also them and us that can ruin and hurt it so deeply...like I HAVE BEEN and must confess that HAVE CAUSED in people that did not diserve to during these six years...but i do admit that those have been necessary for me to grow stronger and learn what are my defects, strengths, priorities, and ideologies - lo que quiero y no quiero imitar - y mas que todo, they have been essential for those that DO care (los MUUY pocos, yet incomparables) to stand up and stand out, and impresionarme de la mejor forma posible - the only reason why bad is bad is because if bad was good, there would be no good at all.
there is no word to exaplin how MUCH i will miss you and this...
....and how i felt the in love here, y la manera con que por otro lado, me decepcione y me levante tantas veces con aun mas ganas y mas criterio MIO y no aquello q me habian dicho como cierto alguna vez...
...and there is no word of relief that can explain hearing the vague words that describe the meaning behind "i am so proud of what you have achieved, of being ur parent, and mostly of the person you have become" from the people that even though may not transmit and provoque the most obvious and enloquecent way of love in you, at the end, are those that offer it more than anyone or anything else. maybe the only ones that truly do. maybe the only ones you will find. who knows. its something i dont understand completely and i dont think i will ever. i just like to believe q like EVERYTHING else that surrounds us, its there and the simple presence of it and me making part of it is enough and ALL i can ask for.
there is no WORD, and no humane way that i could possibly explain how it is overwhelmingly painful yet grateful and rewarding to leave this place, and most of all, to have gained another responsibility in life: defender, y siempre que tenga la oportunidad, regresar a colombia. i guess q in these matters and circunstances, GRACIAS is the best i can do.
"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. "
Bruce Barton