(no subject)
Have you ever felt a cold that came from inside you. A cold with such intensity that it lasts for so long. I do. Almost everyday. I don't know why. All I know is that it comes from my very heart. Maybe it is a sign that my heart really is turning cold as ice. Its really funny. Well then again I find everything funny now. Being here is throwing me out of balance bringing me closer to complete insanity. I find myself laughing and crying at the same time. My soul is laughing at it's own misery and it's just so funny. I feel as if I've lost myself completely. I can't even help my best friend out. It's like nothing I do is right and I'm just so tired of it all. I'm tempted to be just as fake as everyone I know. I know I could never though. I don't care what they say. I just want them to let me rest. I've been fighting so long and I feel the exaustion. I know though that for as long as I live I will keep on fighting and that this is a war I will never win, but I have to keep on fighting. My life will end much sooner than others. I keep having this nagging thoughts that I will die on my birthday. When I do think of that I just start laughing. Imagine the irony of that. lol. Finally then will I be able to rest. Finally tears will not stain my face and I will fly.