I'm a midnight toker
This is what I like to imagine happened this past week leading up to Idol's performance last night:
Jason: [lights up a doobie]
[phone rings]
Idol Producer: Hi Jason - listen, you're going home this week, no matter what the voter outcome is. But we'd prefer to do it by the book, so why don't you finally do that Marley stuff you've been trying to do from the beginning. And you know what, go all out with it, screw what the teenyboppers would like, you don't need to sing a sensitive love song!
Jason:....Hell yeah.
[later, right before he goes on to perform]
Idol Producer: You know what garners a sympathy vote, Jason? Forgetting the lyrics. You should drop a lyric in your next song.
Jason: It's "Mr. Tamborine Man." Every folk-rock singer knows Mr. Tamborine Man. Why would I forget the lyrics?
Idol Producer: Just do it.
Jason: I'm a peace loving hippie, so I will do to keep peace between us, Mr. Nigel.
Idol Producer: That's my boy. Wanna hit?
Jason: .....Hell yeah. "Heeeey Mr. Tamborine Man, play a song for me, medehbuhdadubuda I'll go following you!"
OK So I don't know what's up with me making up random themes for the following week that aren't correct. I THOUGHT I heard Ryan Seacrest say it was Barry Manilow Night when it was Neil Diamond night. I SWORE I heard Ryan Seacrest say next week was iTunes Top 100, and it was in fact Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I am glad I was wrong this week, because the songbook is obviously much better and varied.
CONTESTANT: David Cook
FIRST SONG: "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran
JUDGEMENT: "Not our favorite, but we still bow down to you."
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: What I particularly noticed in this song was Cook's lack of involvement with the audience. In this sort of song, you could be singing to people, strolling the audience, etc. But he just sort of grabbed one person's hand, and he didn't even look at the person, it was like he did it because he had to. The song was ok other than that - it basically was just substituting electric guitars and big drums for the synthesizers.
SECOND SONG: "Baba O'Reilly" by the Who (called "Teenage Wasteland" by many)
JUDGEMENT: "YOU'RE BRILLIANT."
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: I feel sad inside that I don't enjoy him like I used to. But he brought it on himself.
CONTESTANT: Syesha Mercado
FIRST SONG: "Proud Mary"
JUDGEMENT: Loved by RandyPaula, "bad tina turner impersonation"
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Again, Syesha chooses a song that she doesn't do anything new with, and thus she pales in comparison to the original.
SECOND SONG: "Change, it Gonna Come" - Sam Cook
JUDGEMENT: "YOU'RE DIVINE!" oh wait Randy didnt' like it, but he doesn't know sh!t
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Definitely better. But she cried, and even if it was real, I hate her, 'cause she'll garner a sympathy vote for it, and I dont really care to keep watching her copycat performances.
CONTESTANT: Jason McDreadhead Castro!
FIRST SONG: "I Shot the Sheriff"
JUDGEMENT: Hate Hate Hate
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: I am really trying to remove my biased blinders. But I'm can't lie. I didn't hate it. LOL. It wasn't original though - he did it reggae style (except with this horns, which was weird but I guess at this point in the show the songs have to be amped up). I thought he looked like he was having a lot of fun and he was more active than he usually is. However, as Taylor Hicks taught us, grooving will only get you labeled as karaoke from the judges. DAMN.
SECOND SONG: "Mr. Tamborine Man"
JUDGEMENT: "goodbye Jason"
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Oh Jason, what are you doing to me?? Who forgets the lyric "in the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you'??? More importantly, what FOLK-ROCK SINGER WHO CHOOSES TO DO DYLAN BECAUSE DYLAN IS THE FOUNDING FATHER OF THE FOLK ROCK MOVEMENT forgets the lyrics to this song?? If he stumbled on the verse, I may have understood, but the refrain is so iconic. Either it HAD to have been a staged messup because they want him out of there--or, BECAUSE they want him out of there, he was particularly high as a kite and flubbed it. But he flubbed it funny anyway.
CONTESTANT: David Archuleta
FIRST SONG: "Stand By Me"
JUDGEMENT: "YOU ARE AMAZING"
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Oh thank god, he never does any inspirational songs. Inspirationally speaking, it would be inspiring if he'd inspire the public with an inspiring song.
SECOND SONG: "Love Me Tender"
JUDGEMENT: "WE LOVE YOU TENDER!"
LIZ' S JUDGEMENT: I have to be honest here. As soon as he said he was singing this song, I pressed fast forward. Because I felt in my heart it would be one big song of Boring. It's not even one of my favorite Elvis songs, but at least Elvis was sexy.
Well. I suppose its TRULY time to bid my favorite hippie goodbye. It has been lovely, Jason. Idol won't be the same without you. Thank you for being particularly goofy on your last night.
I loved you more than I love my luggage.
In other news, last night I dreamt I was jailed for manslaughter, and I plead to the community by singing Dolly Parton's "Here We Go Again." And when I was released, I was a radio celebrity.
Jason: [lights up a doobie]
[phone rings]
Idol Producer: Hi Jason - listen, you're going home this week, no matter what the voter outcome is. But we'd prefer to do it by the book, so why don't you finally do that Marley stuff you've been trying to do from the beginning. And you know what, go all out with it, screw what the teenyboppers would like, you don't need to sing a sensitive love song!
Jason:....Hell yeah.
[later, right before he goes on to perform]
Idol Producer: You know what garners a sympathy vote, Jason? Forgetting the lyrics. You should drop a lyric in your next song.
Jason: It's "Mr. Tamborine Man." Every folk-rock singer knows Mr. Tamborine Man. Why would I forget the lyrics?
Idol Producer: Just do it.
Jason: I'm a peace loving hippie, so I will do to keep peace between us, Mr. Nigel.
Idol Producer: That's my boy. Wanna hit?
Jason: .....Hell yeah. "Heeeey Mr. Tamborine Man, play a song for me, medehbuhdadubuda I'll go following you!"
OK So I don't know what's up with me making up random themes for the following week that aren't correct. I THOUGHT I heard Ryan Seacrest say it was Barry Manilow Night when it was Neil Diamond night. I SWORE I heard Ryan Seacrest say next week was iTunes Top 100, and it was in fact Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I am glad I was wrong this week, because the songbook is obviously much better and varied.
CONTESTANT: David Cook
FIRST SONG: "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran
JUDGEMENT: "Not our favorite, but we still bow down to you."
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: What I particularly noticed in this song was Cook's lack of involvement with the audience. In this sort of song, you could be singing to people, strolling the audience, etc. But he just sort of grabbed one person's hand, and he didn't even look at the person, it was like he did it because he had to. The song was ok other than that - it basically was just substituting electric guitars and big drums for the synthesizers.
SECOND SONG: "Baba O'Reilly" by the Who (called "Teenage Wasteland" by many)
JUDGEMENT: "YOU'RE BRILLIANT."
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: I feel sad inside that I don't enjoy him like I used to. But he brought it on himself.
CONTESTANT: Syesha Mercado
FIRST SONG: "Proud Mary"
JUDGEMENT: Loved by RandyPaula, "bad tina turner impersonation"
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Again, Syesha chooses a song that she doesn't do anything new with, and thus she pales in comparison to the original.
SECOND SONG: "Change, it Gonna Come" - Sam Cook
JUDGEMENT: "YOU'RE DIVINE!" oh wait Randy didnt' like it, but he doesn't know sh!t
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Definitely better. But she cried, and even if it was real, I hate her, 'cause she'll garner a sympathy vote for it, and I dont really care to keep watching her copycat performances.
CONTESTANT: Jason McDreadhead Castro!
FIRST SONG: "I Shot the Sheriff"
JUDGEMENT: Hate Hate Hate
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: I am really trying to remove my biased blinders. But I'm can't lie. I didn't hate it. LOL. It wasn't original though - he did it reggae style (except with this horns, which was weird but I guess at this point in the show the songs have to be amped up). I thought he looked like he was having a lot of fun and he was more active than he usually is. However, as Taylor Hicks taught us, grooving will only get you labeled as karaoke from the judges. DAMN.
SECOND SONG: "Mr. Tamborine Man"
JUDGEMENT: "goodbye Jason"
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Oh Jason, what are you doing to me?? Who forgets the lyric "in the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you'??? More importantly, what FOLK-ROCK SINGER WHO CHOOSES TO DO DYLAN BECAUSE DYLAN IS THE FOUNDING FATHER OF THE FOLK ROCK MOVEMENT forgets the lyrics to this song?? If he stumbled on the verse, I may have understood, but the refrain is so iconic. Either it HAD to have been a staged messup because they want him out of there--or, BECAUSE they want him out of there, he was particularly high as a kite and flubbed it. But he flubbed it funny anyway.
CONTESTANT: David Archuleta
FIRST SONG: "Stand By Me"
JUDGEMENT: "YOU ARE AMAZING"
LIZ'S JUDGEMENT: Oh thank god, he never does any inspirational songs. Inspirationally speaking, it would be inspiring if he'd inspire the public with an inspiring song.
SECOND SONG: "Love Me Tender"
JUDGEMENT: "WE LOVE YOU TENDER!"
LIZ' S JUDGEMENT: I have to be honest here. As soon as he said he was singing this song, I pressed fast forward. Because I felt in my heart it would be one big song of Boring. It's not even one of my favorite Elvis songs, but at least Elvis was sexy.
Well. I suppose its TRULY time to bid my favorite hippie goodbye. It has been lovely, Jason. Idol won't be the same without you. Thank you for being particularly goofy on your last night.
I loved you more than I love my luggage.
In other news, last night I dreamt I was jailed for manslaughter, and I plead to the community by singing Dolly Parton's "Here We Go Again." And when I was released, I was a radio celebrity.