Family sadness
I feel awful right now. My maternal grandmother is in Intensive Care. She's had a few health scares in the past year, but up until recently she's hardly had anything worse than some arthritis. Somehow I'd assumed she was indestructible since she made it through her 80s in better shape than my mother's been in for most of her 50s. Of all my relatives, I'd considered her mortality the least. In my mind she's always been this sturdy New Englander who splits her own logs.
Recently my Aunt has been staying with her part time to help out since she's fallen on a few occasions and she was there this weekend for the Noreaster. They live in New Hampshire so it was all snow and downed trees everywhere and they lost power. My grandmother lives on Lake Winnipesaukee in an area dominated by summer homes, so I'm guessing there would have been less focus on her neighborhood than most since most houses would have been empty. They were trapped in the house and using the fireplace for heat, but it wasn't enough and my grandmother's body temperature plummeted and her heart stopped. I don't know all the exact details about how long they were without heat and help, but what it comes down to is that she's in the hospital and my Aunt and mother are talking about quality of life issues and whether she'd want to be on machines.
I feel especially bad about this since I haven't seen her in almost 5 years. Before that I usually only saw her once a year at Christmas, and before that I saw her for Christmas and a week in the summer. We've never been estranged, but we've never been really close either. She and my Aunt are this tight unit and I've never felt like I'm . . . needed, I guess is the word. They have a need for my mother, but even she's only let so far into the club. They certainly love me and my sister and niece. There's just not that element of longing to see each other that I associate with most of my other family members. I need to see them and I know that they need to see me too. My other grandparents were practically auxiliary parents when I was a kid.
It's just such an odd relationship, but there were so many things going on for most of the time they've not been coming for Christmas that I didn't sit down and consider what to do until recently. Just this weekend I'd been thinking about them and considering how best to get more in touch since I really do like them and would love to know them better. I reckoned I'd do something about it this week or next. I forgot that I'm operating in infinite young adult time and my grandmother isn't. I also forgot that there's really no such thing as infinite young adult time and I need to do what I want when I think of it.
I know this is a novel and I'm kind of rambling and sniffling my way along here. Anyway, if you've made it this far hug a relation tonight and think good thoughts for my grandmother if you would. I'll likely be going to New Hampshire this weekend. I'm just praying that I'll get to see her awake and doing better and that my Aunt will be okay. I'm worried about her.
Recently my Aunt has been staying with her part time to help out since she's fallen on a few occasions and she was there this weekend for the Noreaster. They live in New Hampshire so it was all snow and downed trees everywhere and they lost power. My grandmother lives on Lake Winnipesaukee in an area dominated by summer homes, so I'm guessing there would have been less focus on her neighborhood than most since most houses would have been empty. They were trapped in the house and using the fireplace for heat, but it wasn't enough and my grandmother's body temperature plummeted and her heart stopped. I don't know all the exact details about how long they were without heat and help, but what it comes down to is that she's in the hospital and my Aunt and mother are talking about quality of life issues and whether she'd want to be on machines.
I feel especially bad about this since I haven't seen her in almost 5 years. Before that I usually only saw her once a year at Christmas, and before that I saw her for Christmas and a week in the summer. We've never been estranged, but we've never been really close either. She and my Aunt are this tight unit and I've never felt like I'm . . . needed, I guess is the word. They have a need for my mother, but even she's only let so far into the club. They certainly love me and my sister and niece. There's just not that element of longing to see each other that I associate with most of my other family members. I need to see them and I know that they need to see me too. My other grandparents were practically auxiliary parents when I was a kid.
It's just such an odd relationship, but there were so many things going on for most of the time they've not been coming for Christmas that I didn't sit down and consider what to do until recently. Just this weekend I'd been thinking about them and considering how best to get more in touch since I really do like them and would love to know them better. I reckoned I'd do something about it this week or next. I forgot that I'm operating in infinite young adult time and my grandmother isn't. I also forgot that there's really no such thing as infinite young adult time and I need to do what I want when I think of it.
I know this is a novel and I'm kind of rambling and sniffling my way along here. Anyway, if you've made it this far hug a relation tonight and think good thoughts for my grandmother if you would. I'll likely be going to New Hampshire this weekend. I'm just praying that I'll get to see her awake and doing better and that my Aunt will be okay. I'm worried about her.