Jacob Two-Two on the High Seas by Cary Fagan (illustrated by Dušan Petričić).
Title: Jacob Two-Two On the High Seas.
Author: Cary Fagan.
Genre: Fiction, children's lit, YA.
Country: Canada.
Language: English.
Publication Date: 2009.
Summary: After Jacob Two-Two's father writes a very important novel, the family makes plans to move to Canada. They board the SS Spring-a-Leak to journey across the ocean. Jacob Two-Two makes new acquaintances - the unbelievably handsome Captain Sparkletooth, the acrobatic Bubov Brothers, the failed toy inventor Mr. Peabody, the giant but gentle Morgenbesser, and most importantly, young Cindy Snootcastle, who keeps a secret treasure in her pocket. But something is wrong aboard the SS Spring-a-Leak. A series of clues - a black eye patch; a squawking parrot; and a sailing ship flying the Jolly Roger - can only mean trouble.
My rating: 6.5/10
My review:
♥ "It is time for us to return to my home and native land."
"Where is that?" Jacob asked. "Where is that?"
His father unfurled a large map of the world. "That is this enormous pink country right here. Canada."
"Canada?" said Daniel with a sneer. "Canada sucks!"
"I don't want to move to Canada," said Marfa. "My friends all live here."
"Now, children, no whining," said their father. "You'll only prove to us that we've spoiled you. The decision has already been made. We're going to move to Canada and live in the city of Montreal, where I grew up. The change will make you all better children. It will give you a sense of your roots. It will allow you to play ice hockey. And it will introduce you to the sublime taste of a smoked-meat sandwich."
♥
"If that is England," Jacob said, pointing to the small country that he recognized, "and that is Canada, than what is the blue in between? What is the blue?"
"Don't you know anything?" said Emma. "That's the Atlantic Ocean."
"Do we have to swim to Canada?" asked Jacob. "Do we have to swim?" Not being a very strong swimmer was something else that worried Jacob.
♥ "Son, perhaps I better tell you a few things about Canada," his father said.
"Tell me, tell me."
"First of all, the winter is very cold. It's so cold that everyone has to carry an ice pick. That way, if your boots become frozen to the ground, you can chip yourself free."
Jacob was astonished. "What else? What else?" he asked.
"You have to watch out for polar bears and mountain lions on the way to school. The polar bears will steal your lunch, but the mountain lions want your satchel of books. They're very eager to learn. Now, at home, before you take a bath, you may have to remove a seal from the tub, which is quite hard to do because they're so slippery. Don't try to take your bath with the seal because it will be sure to hop the soap."
♥ Jacob Two-Two sniffled a little. He didn't like leaving old things behind, and he didn't like encountering new things. He felt his father's hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry, Jacob. Everything will be fine."
"Will it? Will it?" Jacob asked too quietly for anyone to hear. A black London taxicab pulled up to take them all to the port.
♥ As Jacob got out of the taxicab, he stared at the ship docked in the port. It was old and rusty and looked more like a big tugboat than a real ocean liner. The black letters spelling out the name SS Spring-a-Leak were chipped and faded.
"That's our ship?" Daniel said, as the taxi drove away. "It's a floating dump."
"Well, it was the only ship available," Jacob's father said. "Now come on, kids, where's your sense of adventure?"
"We forgot to pack it," Marfa said.
Jacob's parents went up the gangplank first, followed by Daniel and Marfa and Emma and Noah, and finally Jacob, pushing up his suitcase. At least, he was supposed to be pushing it up the gangplank. Mostly it appeared as though the suitcase was pushing him down. But at last he reached the deck, where a man in a bright, white uniform and cap stood at attention. He had blue eyes, blond hair, and an enormous dimple in his chin. His white teeth shone even brighter than his brass buttons.
"Welcome aboard!" said the man, smiling even more. "I'm Captain Sparkletooth."
♥ "Now, I hope you will dine at my table tonight. It's a great honor to dine at the captain's table, especially when he is as deliriously handsome as I am. Which reminds me - I haven't looked at myself in a mirror for at least ten minutes. Until dinner then!"
♥
Jacob was very curious to see the treasure in Cindy's pocket, but before she had a chance to show him, a woman came over and grasped Cindy by the arm. She was a big woman in a hat with peacock feathers and a fur collar on her coat.
♥
♥
"Now come on, bird, get back in there."
"Kiss my feathered butt! Kiss my feathered butt!" said the parrot.
"Why, you..." muttered Mr. Scrounger. He lunged for the bird, but it fluttered up into the air, and Mr. Scrounger landed facedown on the deck. Then the bird flew through the open cabin door. Mr. Scrounger got up, straightening his nightgown and cap. "There will be no crackers for you," he said, as he walked into his cabin and slammed the door behind him.
♥
The captain's words were drowned out by an explosion. Bazoom! Something whizzed over their heads and splashed into the water on the other side of the SS Spring-a-Leak.
"It's a cannonball!" Jacob cried. "They're firing at us! They're firing!"
"Firing?" said Captain Sparkletooth. "I'm shocked. How rude. There is only one thing for a brave and handsome captain such as myself to do. Surrender! Somebody wave a white flag. We don't have one? How inconvenient. Here, I'll wave my jacket."
♥ With a grunt he began to pull himself over the rail of the SS Spring-a-Leak. There was a loud ripping sound.
"Tarnation!" growled Crossbones. "I believe I have rendered a tear in my lower garment."
"What did he just say? asked Captain Sparkletooth.
"He ripped his pants," said one of the other pirates.
♥ "I don't like the sight of blood, especially my own," said Captain Sparkletooth.
♥ "But why, Mr. Scrounger?" asked Captain Sparkletooth. "Why would you betray us? Especially when I am so much more handsome than he is!"
"I'll tell you why," answered Mr. Scrounger. "Because I'm tired of watching you comb your hair while you admire yourself in the mirror. I'm tired of taking your photograph. I want to be noticed for a change."
♥ "I happen to know a most exquisite stretch of beach not far form here that I'm sure these two will enjoy. A shame it happens to be on a desert island."
"A desert island? Without food or water? They'll starve. They'll starve."
"Do you think I care?" If I weren't cruel and ruthless, I wouldn't be called Crossbones, would I? I'd be called Henry or George. I just don't know what they teach you in school these days."
"I had an uncle named Henry," said one of the pirates. "And an aunt named George."
"Be quiet, you. I can see the island now. One drooping palm tree to keep them company."
♥
He took another step and then another. The wooden plank started to bend downwards. Two more steps and he was halfway to the end of the plank. Below him swirled the dark sea. He closed his eyes and shuffled forward until he was standing at the edge.
"Stop!" cried a voice. "Stop! I have the treasure! Don't make Jacob Two-Two walk any farther!"
Jacob knew it was Cindy calling. Crossbones started to laugh. "I knew you were all softies! Alright, boy, come back now. Count yourself lucky."
Jacob felt a huge relief as he walked carefully backwards until he was on the ship again.
"Cynthia Francis Louise Snootcastle!" cried her mother. "Don't tell me that you've brought the family jewels with you. They are supposed to be in the safe at home. Why, they were there just the day before we left. I was running my fingers through them - I mean, I was checking them for safekeeping."
"No, Mother," said Cindy. "I have a different treasure in my pocket. I didn't want you to know about it."
"Didn't want me to know? Well, well. My own daughter has a treasure that she doesn't wish to share with me. I'm speechless. I'm dumbfounded. I'm at a loss for words."
"And yet, Madam," said Jacob's father, "you still speak."
"Enough of this chitchat" said Crossbones. "Come on, child, show me your treasure. Show it, I say!"
"Alright," Cindy said, stepping forward. She put her hand carefully into her pocket, moved it around, and then drew it out. She turned her hand over, opening her fingers. And there on her palm was... a mouse!
♥ As they worked, the pirates sang.
We don't like washing behind our ears,
or learning our multiplication.
When our noses drip, we blow in our sleeves
and we spit for relaxation!
It's the pirate life for us, hey ho!
The pirate life for us!
Our shirts are ruffly, our scarves are rags,
our trousers are torn at the bottom.
We like to wear earrings and even tattoos,
but now everybody's got 'em!
It's the pirate life for us, hey ho!
The pirate life for us!
We search for treasure on the high seas,
gold and silver and more.
But we ain't found nothing for all our work,
and this life is becoming a bore!
Enough of the pirate life, hey ho!
Enough of the pirate life!
♥
♥ As the pirates rowed toward the shore, they began to sing.
We're pirates in a boat, hurrah!
We hope to keep afloat, hurrah!
But if we start to sink, hurrah!
We'll think this job does stink, hurrah!
"Stop that singing!" Crossbones demanded. "I don't understand why pirates have to sing so much. Now pull up onto the beach."
♥ "And finally," announced O'Toole, while Shapiro blew into the conch shell, "our final act. Making a return to the ring after years in retirement, the only man who was ever a match for The Hooded Fang, please welcome one of the great wrestlers of all time, The Mighty Morgenbesser!"
Jacob watched as the curtains parted to reveal his friend. Dressed in green wrestling leotards, Morgenbesser flexed his arm muscles to show how strong he was. O'Toole declared that since there was no one on the island strong enough to wrestle him, Morgenbesser would take on all three Bubov Brothers at the same time.
The brothers came out and surrounded Morgenbesser, clenching their fists and making fierce faces. Suddenly, the eldest brother jumped onto Morgenbesser's back, while the other two grabbed Morgenbesser's arms. Soon, all three brothers were flying through the air. Fortunately, they were nimble enough to land on their feet.
Next, the brothers all rushed toward Morgenbesser, screaming loudly. Morgenbesser just crossed his arms and let them bounce off his chest. Dizzy, the brothers got up again. Then they fell back down. And got up again. And fell down again.
"The winner and still champion," said O'Toole, holding up the giant man's hand, "The Mighty Morgenbesser!"
♥
"I knew it! I saw the resemblance immediately. You are my long-lost brother!"
The two men threw their arms around each other and had a good cry. Then they made plans to spend the entire evening together, discussing hair tonic and skin moisturizer and admiring each other's mirror collections.
Jacob Two-Two had to say good-bye to Cindy. They promised to telephone each other, and Jacob scratched Treasure behind the ears. Then Cindy and her mother stepped into a waiting limousine and sped away.