As You Like It by William Shakespeare.
Title: As You Like It.
Author: William Shakespeare.
Genre: Literature, fiction, play, comedy.
Country: U.K.
Language: English.
Publication Date: ~1599.
Summary: Unjustly deposed by his younger brother, the rightful duke retreats to the Forest of Arden and forms a utopia with his loyal followers while his daughter remains at court as a companion to her cousin. When forbidden romance enters their lives, Rosalind and Celia, along with their Fool Touchstone, assume disguises and flee to the forest also, where they encounter a magical world of friendly outlaws and wise fools.
My rating: 8.5/10.
My review:
♥ OLIVER Know you where you are, sir?
ORLANDO O, sir, very well: here in your orchard.
OLIVER Know you before whom, sir?
ORLANDO Ay, better than him I am before knows me. I know you are my eldest brother, and in the gentle condition of blood you should so know me. The courtesy of nations allows you my better in that you are the first born, but the same tradition takes not away my blood were there twenty brothers betwixt us. I have as much of my father in me as you, albeit I confess you coming before me is nearer to his reverence.
OLIVER What, boy!
[Strikes him.]
ORLANDO Come, come, elder brother, you are too young in this.
[Seizes him.]
OLIVER Wilt thou lay hands on me, villain?
ORLANDO I am no villain. I am the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys; he was my father, and he is thrice a villain that says such a father begot villains. Wert thou not my brother, I would not take this hand from thy throat till this other had pulled out thy tongue for saying so. Thou hast railed on thyself.
♥ CELIA Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune from her wheel, that her gifts may henceforth be bestowed equally.
ROSALIND I would we could do so, for her benefits are mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman doth most mistake in her gifts to women.
CELIA 'Tis true, for those that she makes fair she scarce makes honest, and those that she makes honest she makes very ill-favoredly.
ROSALIND Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to Nature's. Fortune reigns in gifts of the world, not in the lineaments of Nature.
Enter [Touchstone, the] Clown.
CELIA No; when Nature hath made a fair creature, may she not by Fortune fall into the fire? Though Nature hath given us wit to flout at Fortune, hath not Fortune sent in this fool to cut off the argument?
ROSALIND Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature when Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of Nature's wit.
CELIA Peradventure this is not Fortune's work neither, but Nature's, who perceiveth our natural wits too dull to reason of such goddesses and hath sent this natural for our whetstone, for always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
♥ CELIA ..speak no more of him; you'll be whipped for taxation one of these days.
TOUCHSTONE The more pity that fools may not speak wisely what wise men do foolishly.
♥ CELIA Here comes Monsieur Le Beau.
Enter Le Beau.
ROSALIND With his mouth full of news.
CELIA Which he will put on us as pigeons feed their young.
ROSALIND Then shall we be news-crammed.
CELIA All the better; we shall be the more marketable.
♥ CELIA We pray you for your own sake to embrace your own safety and give over this attempt.
ROSALIND Do, young sir. Your reputation shall not therefore be misprised; we will make it our suit to the Duke that the wrestling might not go forward.
ORLANDO I beseech you, punish me not with your hard thoughts, wherein I confess me much guilty to deny so fair and excellent ladies anything. But let your fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my trial; wherein if I be foiled, there is but one shamed that was never gracious; if killed, but one dead that is willing to be so. I shall do my friends no wrong, for I have none to lament me; the world no injury, for in it I have nothing. Only in the world I fill up a place, which may be better supplied when I have made it empty.
♥ ROSALIND Gentleman,
[Gives chain.]
Wear this for me, one out of suits with fortune,
That could give more but that her hand lacks means.
♥ ORLANDO
Thus must I from the smoke into the smother,
From tyrant Duke unto a tyrant brother.
♥ ROSALIND O, how full of briers is this working-day world!
CELIA They are but burrs, cousin, thrown upon thee in holiday foolery; if we walk not in the trodden paths, our very petticoats will catch them.
ROSALIND I could shake them off my coat; these burrs are in my heart.
CELIA Hem them away.
ROSALIND I would try, if I could cry 'hem,' and have him.
CELIA Come, come, wrestle with thy affections.
♥ ROSALIND I do beseech your Grace
Let me the knowledge of my fault bear with me.
If with myself I hold intelligence
Or have acquaintance with mine own desires,
If that I do not dream or be not frantic,
As I do trust I am not; then, dear uncle,
Never so much as in a thought unborn
Did I offend your Highness.
DUKE FREDERICK Thus do all traitors.
If their purgation did consist in words,
They are as innocent as grace itself.
Let it suffice thee that I trust thee not.
ROSALIND
Yet your mistrust cannot make me a traitor.
..Treason is not inherited, my lord,
Or if we did derive it from our friends,
What's that to me? My father was no traitor.
Then, good my liege, mistake me not so much
To think my poverty is treacherous.
♥ CELIA Prithee be cheerful. Know'st thou not the Duke
Hath banished me, his daughter?
ROSALIND That he hath not.
CELIA
No? hath not? Rosalind lacks then the love
Which teacheth thee that thou and I am one.
Shall we be sund'red, shall we part, sweet girl?
No, let my father seek another heir.
Therefore devise with me how we may fly,
Whither to go, and what to bear with us;
And do not seek to take your change upon you,
To bear your griefs yourself and leave me out;
For, by this heaven, now at our sorrows pale,
Say what thou canst, I'll go along with thee.
ROSALIND
Why, whither shall we go?
CELIA
To seek my uncle in the Forest of Arden.
♥ ROSALIND
But, cousin, what if we assayed to steal
The clownish fool out of your father's court;
Would he not be a comfort to our travel?
CELIA
He'll go along o'er the wide world with me;
Leave me alone to woo him.
♥ CELIA
Now go in we content
To liberty, and not to banishment.
♥ DUKE SENIOR
Now, my co-mates and brothers in exile,
Hath not old custom made this life more sweet
Than that of painted pomp? Are not these woods
More free from peril than the envious court?
Here feel we not the penalty of Adam;
The seasons' difference, as the icy fang
And churlish chiding of the winter's wind,
Which, when it bites and blows upon my body
Even till I shrink with col, I smile and say
'This is no flattery'; these are counsellors
That feelingly persuade me what I am.
Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in everything.
AMIENS
I would not change it; happy is your Grace
That can translate the stubbornness of fortune
Into so quiet and so sweet a style.
♥ I. LORD
First, for his weeping into the needless stream:
'Poor deer,' quoth he, 'thou mak'st a testament
As worldlings do, giving thy sum of more
To that which had too much.' Then, being there alone,
Left and abandoned of his velvet friend:
''Tis right,' quoth he, 'thus misery doth part
The flux of company.' Anon a careless herd,
Full of the pasture, jumps along by him
And never stays to greet him; 'Ay,' quoth Jaques,
'Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens,
'Tis just the fashion; wherefore do you look
Upon that poor and broken bankrupt there?'
Thus most invectively he pierceth through
The body of the country, city, court,
Yea, and of this our life, swearing that we
Are mere usurpers, tyrants, and what's worse,
To fright the animals and to kill them up
In their assigned and native dwelling place.
DUKE SENIOR
And did you leave him in this contemplation?
2. LORD
We did, my lord, weeping and commenting
Upon the sobbing deer.
DUKE SENIOR
Show me the place.
I love to cope him in these sullen fits,
For then he's full of matter.
♥ I. LORD
The ladies her attendants of her chamber
Saw her abed, and in the morning early
They found the bed untreasured of their mistress.
♥ ADAM
Your praise is come too swiftly home before you.
Know you not, master, to some kind of men
Their graces serve them but as enemies?
No more do yours. Your virtues, gentle master,
Are sanctified and holy traitors to you.
O, what a world is this, when what is comely
Envenoms him that bears it!
♥ ORLANDO
What, wouldst thou have me go and beg my food,
Or with a base and boist'rous sword enforce
A thievish living on the common road?
This I must do, or know not what to do;
Yet this I will not do, do how I can.
I rather will subject me to the malice
Of a diverted blood and bloody brother.
♥ ADAM
Though I look old, yet I am strong and lusty,
For in my youth I never did apply
Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood,
Nor did not with unbashful forehead woo
The means of weakness and debility;
Therefore my age is as a lusty winter,
Frosty, but kindly. Let me go with you;
I'll do the service of a younger man
In all your business and necessities.
ORLANDO
O good old man, how well in thee appears
The constant service of the antique world,
When service sweat for duty, not for meed!
Thou art not for the fashion of these times,
Where none will sweat but for promotion..
..ADAM
Master, go on, and I will follow thee
To the last grasp with truth and loyalty.
From seventeen years till now almost fourscore
Here livèd I, but now live here no more;
At seventeen years many their fortunes seek,
But at fourscore it is too late a week;
Yet fortune cannot recompense me better
Than to die well and not my master's debtor.
♥ CELIA I pray you bear with me; I cannot go no further.
TOUCHSTONE For my part, I had rather bear with you than bear you; yet I should bear no cross if I did bear you; for I think you have no money in your purse.
♥ SILVIUS
O, thou didst then never love so heartily!
If thou rememb'rest not the slightest folly
That ever love did make thee run into,
Thou hast not loved.
Or if thou hast not sat as I do now,
Wearing thy hearer in thy mistress' praise,
Thou hast not loved.
Of if thou hast not broke from company
Abruptly, as my passion now makes me,
Thou hast not loved. O Phebe, Phebe, Phebe!
ROSALIND
Alas, poor shepherd! Searching of thy wound,
I have by hard adventure found mine own.
♥ TOUCHSTONE We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly.
♥ Song.
All together here.
Who doth ambition shun
And loves to live i' th' sun,
Seeking the food he eats,
And pleased with what he gets,
Come hither, come hither, come hither.
Here shall he see no enemy
But winter and rough weather.
..If it do come to pass
That any man turn ass,
Leaving his wealth and ease
A stubborn will to please,
Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame.
Here shall he see gross fools as he,
An if he will come to me.
♥ ADAM Dear master, I can go no further. O, I die for food. Here lie I down and measure out my grave. Farewell, kind master.
ORLANDO Why, how now, Adam? no greater heart in thee? Live a little, comfort a little, cheer thyself a little. If this uncouth forest yield anything savage, I will either be food for it or bring it for food to thee. Thy conceit is nearer death than thy powers. For my sake be comfortable; hold death awhile at the arm's end. I will here be with thee presently, and if I bring thee not something to eat, I will give thee leave to die; but if thou diest before I come, thou art a mocker of my labor. Well said; thou look'st cheerily, and I'll be with thee quickly. Yet thou liest in the bleak air. Come, I will bear thee to some shelter, and thou shalt not die for lack of a dinner if there live anything in this desert. Cheerily, good Adam.
♥ JAQUES
A fool, a fool! I met a fool i' th' forest,
A motley fool! a miserable world!
As I do live by food, I met a fool
Who laid him down and basked him in the sun
And railed on Lady Fortune in good terms,
In good set terms, and yet a motley fool.
'Good morrow, fool,' quoth I. 'No, sir,' quoth he,
'Call me not fool till heaven hath sent me fortune.'
And then he drew a dial from his poke,
And looking on it with lack-lustre eye,
Says very wisely, 'It is ten o'clock.
Thus we may see,' quoth he, 'how the world wags.
And after one hour more 'twill be eleven;
And so, from hour to hour, we ripe and ripe,
And then, from hour to hour, we rot and rot;
And thereby hangs a tale.'
..O that I were a fool!
I am ambitious for a motley coat.
DUKE SENIOR
Thou shalt have one.
JAQUES It is my only suit,
Provided that you weed your better judgements
Of all opinion that grows rank in them
That I am wise. I must have liberty
Withal, as large a charter as the wind,
To blow on whom I please, for so fools have.
And they that are most gallèd with my folly,
They most must laugh. And why, sir, must they so?
The why is plain as way to parish church:
He that a fool doth very wisely hit
Doth very foolishly, although he smart
Within, seem senseless of the bob. If not,
The wise man's folly is anatomized
Even by the squand'ring glances of the fool.
Invest me in my motley, give me leave
To speak my mind, and I will through and through
Cleanse the foul body of th' infected world,
If they will patiently receive my medicine.
♥ JAQUES
What woman in the city do I name
When that I say the city woman bears
The cost pf princes on unworthy shoulders?
Who can come in and say that I mean her,
When such a one as she, such is her neighbor?
Or what is he of basest function
That says his bravery is not on my cost,
Thinking that I mean him, but therein suits
His folly to the mettle of my speech?
There then, how then, what then? Let me see wherein
My tongue hath wronged him. If it do him right,
Then he hath wronged himself. If he be free,
Why, then my taxing like a wild goose flies
Unclaimed of any man.
♥ DUKE SENIOR
What would you have? Your gentleness shall force
More than your force move us to gentleness.
..ORLANDO
..But whate'er you are
That in this desert inaccessible,
Under the shade of melancholy boughs,
Lose and neglect the creeping hours of time;
If ever you have looked on better days,
If ever been where bells have knolled to church,
If ever sat at any good man's feast,
If ever from your eyelids wiped a tear
And know what 'tis to pity and be pitied,
Let gentleness my strong enforcement be;
In the which hope I blush, and hide my sword.
♥ DUKE SENIOR
Thou seest we are not alone unhappy:
This wide and universal theatre
Presents more woeful pageants than the scene
Wherein we play in.
JAQUES All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
♥ Song.
[AMIENS] Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude:
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho, sing heigh-ho, unto the green holly.
Most friendship is faining, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly.
This life is most jolly.
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky
That dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend rememb'red not.
Heigh-ho, sing, &c.
♥ OLIVER
O that your Highness knew my heart in this!
I never loved my brother in my life.
DUKE FREDERICK
More villain thou.
♥ ORLANDO
Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love;
And thou, thrice-crownèd Queen of Night, survey
With thy chaste eye, from thy pale sphere above,
Thy huntress' name that my full life doth sway.
O Rosalind! these trees shall be my books,
And in their barks my thoughts I'll character,
That every eye which in this forest looks
Shall see thy virtue witnessed everywhere.
Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree
The fair, the chaste, and unexpressive she.
♥ TOUCHSTONE Truly, shepherd, in respect of itself, it is a good life; but in respect that it is a shepherd's life, it is naught. In respect that it is solitary, I like it very well; but in respect that it is private, it is a very vile life. Now in respect it is in the fields, it pleaseth me well; but in respect it is not in the court, it is tedious. As it is a spare life, look you, it fits my humor well; but as there is no more plenty in it, it goes much against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, shepherd?
CORIN No more but that I know the more one sickens the worse at ease he is; and that he that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends; that the property of rain is to wet and fire to burn; that good pasture makes fat sheep, and that a great cause of the night is lack of the sun; that he that hath learned no wit by nature nor art may complain of good breeding, comes of a very dull kindred.
TOUCHSTONE Such a one is a natural philosopher.
♥ CORIN Sir, I am a true laborer; I earn that I eat, get that I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness, glad of other men's good, content with my harm; and the greatest of my pride is to see my ewes graze and my lambs suck.
♥ CELIA 'Why should this a desert be?
For it is unpeopled? No.
Tongues I'll gang on every tree
That shall civil sayings show:
Some, how brief the life of man
Runs his erring pilgrimage,
That the stretching of a span
Buckles in his sum of age;
Some, of violated vows
'Twixt the souls of friend and friend;
But upon the fairest boughs,
Or at every sentence end,
Will I "Rosalinda" write,
Teaching all that read to know
The quintessence of every sprite
Heaven would in little show.
Therefore heaven Nature charged
That one body should be filled
With all graces wide-enlarged.
Nature presently distilled
Helen's cheek, but not her heart,
Cleopatra's majesty,
Atalanta's better part,
Sad Lucretia's modesty.
Thus Rosalinde of many parts
By heavenly synod was devised,
Of many faces, eyes, and hearts,
To have the touches dearest prized.
Heaven would that she these gifts should have,
And I to live and die her slave.'
♥ CELIA O Lord, Lord, it is a hard matter for friends to meet; but mountains may be removed with earthquakes, and so encounter.
♥ ROSALIND One inch of delay more is a South Sea of discovery. I prithee tell me who is it quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man out of thy mouth as wine comes out of a narrow-mouthed bottle; either too much at once, or none at all. I prithee take the cork out of thy mouth, that I may drink thy tidings.
CELIA So you may put a man in your belly.
♥ ROSALIND DO you not know I am a woman? When I think, I must speak.
♥ JAQUES Rosalind is your love's name?
ORLANDO Yes, just.
JAQUES I do not like her name.
ORLANDO There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christened.
JAQUES What stature is she of?
ORLANDO Just as high as my heart.
♥ ORLANDO I will chide no breather in the world but myself, against whom I know most faults.
JAQUES The worst fault you have is to be in love.
ORLANDO 'Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue.
♥ JAQUES By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found you.
ORLANDO He is drowned in the brook. Look but in and you shall see him.
♥ ROSALIND By no means, sir. Time travels in divers paces with divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles withal, who Time trots withal, who Tine gallops withal, and who he stands still withal.
ORLANDO. I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
ROSALIND Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the contract of her marriage and the day it is solemnized. If the interim be bit a se'nnight, Time's pace is so hard that it seems the length of seven year.
ORLANDO Who ambles Time withal?
ROSALIND With a spirit that lacks Latin and a rich man that hath not the gout; for the one sleeps easily because he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because he feels no pain; the one lacking the burden of lean and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden of heavy tedious penury. These Time ambles withal.
ORLANDO Who doth he gallop withal?
ROSALIND With a thief to the gallows; for though he go as softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.
ORLANDO Who stays it withal?
ROSALIND With lawyers in the vacation; for they sleep between term and term, and then they perceive not how time moves.
♥ ROSALIND There is none of my uncle's marks upon you. He taught me how to know a man in love; in which cage of rushes I am sure you are not a prisoner.
ORLANDO What were his marks?
ROSALIND A lean cheek, which you have not; a blue eye and sunken, which you have not; and unquestionable spirit, which you have not; a beard neglected, which you have not: but I pardon you for that, for simply your having in beard is a younger brother's revenue. Then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied, and everything about you demonstrating a careless desolation. But you are no such man: you are rather point-device in your accoustrements, as loving yourself than seeming the lover of any other.
♥ ROSALIND Love is merely a madness, and, I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punished and cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too. Yet I profess curing it by counsel.
♥ JAQUES [aside] O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove in a thatched house!
♥ TOUCHSTONE Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.
AUDREY I do not know what poetical is. Is it honest in deed and word? Is it a true thing?
TOUCHSTONE No, truly. For the truest poetry is the most faining, and lovers are given to poetry, and what they swear in poetry may be said, as lovers, they do feign.
AUDREY Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?
TOUCHSTONE I do truly; for thou swear'st to me thou art honest. Now if thou wert a poet, I might have some hope thou didst feign.
AUDREY Would you not have me honest?
TOUCHSTONE No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favored; for honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
JAQUES [aside] A material fool.
AUDREY Well, I am not fair, and therefore I pray the gods make me honest.
TOUCHSTONE Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were to put good meat into an unclean dish.
AUDREY I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.
TOUCHSTONE. Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness! Sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee..
♥ TOUCHSTONE Will you dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go with you to your chapel?
OLIVER MAR-TEXT Is there none here to give the woman?
TOUCHSTONE I will not take her on gift of any man.
♥ JAQUES And will you, being a man of your breeding, be married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to church, and have a good priest that can tell you what marriage us. This fellow will but join you together as they join wainscot; then one of you will prove a shrunk panel, and like a green timber warp, warp.
TOUCHSTONE [aside] I am not in the mind but I were better to be marred of him than of another; for he is not like to marry me well; and not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.
♥ ROSALIND Never talk to me; I will weep.
CELIA Do, I prithee; but yet have the grace to consider that tears do not become a man.
♥ CELIA Nay, certainly there is no truth in him.
ROSALIND Do you think so?
CELIA Yes; I thin he is not a pickpurse nor a horsestealer, but for his verity in love, I do think him as concave as a covered goblet or a worm-eaten nut.
ROSALIND Not true in love?
CELIA Yes, when he is in, but I think he is not in.
ROSALIND You have heard him swear downright he was.
CELIA 'Was' is not 'is.' Besides, the oath of a lover is no stronger than the word of a tipster; they are both the confirmer of false reckonings.
♥ CELIA But all's brave that youth mounts and folly guides.
♥ ROSALIND O, come, let us remove:
The sight of lovers feedeth those in love.
Bring us to this sight, and you shall say
I'll prove a busy actor in their play.
♥ PHEBE I would not be thy executioner.
I fly thee, for I would not injure thee,
Thou tell'st me there is murder in mine eye:
'Tis pretty, sure, and very probably
That eyes, that are the frail'st and softest things,
Who shut their coward gates on atomies,
Should be called tyrants, butchers, murderers.
Now I do frown on thee with all my heart,
And if mine eyes can wound, now let them kill thee.
Now counterfeit to swound; why, now fall down;
Or if thou canst not, O, for shame, for shame,
Lie not, to say mine eyes are murderers.
Now show the wound mine eye hath made in thee;
Scratch thee but with a pin, and there remains
Some scar of it; lean upon a rush,
The cicatrice and capable impressure
Thy palm some moment keeps; but now mine eyes,
Which I have darted at thee, hurt thee not,
Nor I am sure there is no force in eyes
That can do hurt.
SILVIUS O dear Phebe,
If ever, as that ever may be near,
You meet in some fresh cheek the power of fancy,
Then shall you know the wounds invisible
That love's keen arrows make.
♥ ROSALIND
'Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,
Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream
That can entame my spirits to your worship.
You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,
Like foggy south, puffing with wind and rain?
You are a thousand times a properer man
Than she a woman. 'Tis such fools as you
That makes the world full of ill-favored children.
'Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her,
And out of you she sees herself more proper
Than any of her lineaments can show her.
But mistress, know yourself. Down on your knees,
And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love;
For I must tell you friendly in your ear,
Sell when you can, you are not for all markets.
Cry the man mercy, love him, take his offer;
Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer;
So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you well.
♥ ROSALIND
Shepherdess, look on him better
And be not proud. Though all the world could see,
None could be so abused in sight as he.
♥ PHEBE
Dead shepherd, now I find thy saw of might,
'Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?'
♥ PHEBE
..yet he talks well.
But what care I for words? Yet words do well
When he that speaks them pleases those that hear.
♥ ROSALIND They say you are a melancholy fellow.
JAQUES I am so; I do love it better than laughing.
ROSALIND Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows, and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.
JAQUES Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.
ROSALIND Why then, 'tis good to be a post.
JAQUES I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which if fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; nor the soldier's, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness.
ROSALIND A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to be sad. I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men's. Then to have seen much and to have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.
♥ ROSALIND Break an hour's promise in love? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of the thousand part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' th' shoulder, but I'll warrant him heart-whole.
♥ ORLANDO I would kiss before I spoke.
ROSALIND Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were gravelled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers, lacking - God warn us! - matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.
ORLANDO How if the kiss be denied?
ROSALIND Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.
♥ ROSALIND But these are all lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
♥ ROSALIND There's a girl goes before the priest, and certainly a woman's thought runs before her actions.
ORLANDO So do all thoughts; they are winged.
ROSALIND Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.
ORLANDO For ever and a day.
ROSALIND Say 'a day,' without the 'ever.' No, no, Orlando; men are April when they woo, December wen they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than a parrot against rain, more newfangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.
♥ ROSALIND Or else she could not have the wit to do this; the wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman's wit, and it will out at the casement; shut that, and 'twill out at the keyhole; stop that, 'twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.
♥ ROSALIND You shall never take her without her answer unless you take her without her tongue. O, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband's occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool.
♥ ROSALIND Well, Time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let Time try. Adieu.
♥ ROSALIND O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love! But it cannot be sounded. My affection hath an unknown bottom, like the Bay of Portugal.
CELIA Or rather, bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.
ROSALIND No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot of thought, conceived of spleen, and born of madness, that blind rascally boy that abuses every one's eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I'll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of Orlando. I'll go find a shadow, and sigh till he come.
CELIA And I'll sleep.
♥ CELIA Poor shepherd!
ROSALIND Do you pity him? No, he deserves no pity. Wilt thou love such a woman? What, to make thee an instrument, and play false strains upon thee? Not to be endured! Well, go your way to her, for I see love hath made thee a tame snake, and say this to herL that if she love me, I charge her to love thee; if she will ..
♥ WILLIAM Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.
TOUCHSTONE Why, thou say'st well. I do now remember a saying, 'The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.' The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open.
♥ TOUCHSTONE ..for all your writers do consent that ipse is he. Now, you are not ipse, for I am he.
WILLIAM Which he, sir?
TOUCHSTONE He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon (which is in the vulgar, leave) the society (which in the boorish is, company) of this female (which is the common is, woman); which together is, abandon the society of this female, or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage. I will deal in poison with thee or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways. Therefore tremble and depart.
♥ ORLANDO Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you should like her? that but seeing, you should love her? and loving, woo? and wooing, she should grant? And will you persevere to enjoy her?
♥ ROSALIND Nay, 'tis true. There was never anything so sudden but the fight of two rams and Caesar's thrasonical brag of 'I came, saw, and overcame'; for your brother and my sister no sooner met but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy: and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else be incontinent before marriage: they are in the very wrath of love, and they will together; clubs cannot part them.
♥ ORLANDO But, O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!
♥ Enter Silvius and Phebe
ROSALIND
Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.
♥ PHEBE
Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of sighs and tears;
And so am I for Phebe.
PHEBE And I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO And I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND And I for no woman.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of faith and service;
And so am I for Phebe.
PHEBE And I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO And I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND And I for no woman.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of fantasy,
All made of passion, and all made of wishes,
All adoration, duty, and observance,
All humbleness, all patience, and impatience,
All purity, all trial, all observance;
And so am I for Phebe.
PHEBE And so am I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO And so am I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND And so am I for no woman.
PHEBE [to Rosalind]
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
SILVIUS [to Phebe]
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
ORLANDO
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
ROSALIND Why do you speak too, 'Why blame you me to love you?'
ORLANDO
To her that is not here, nor doth not hear.
ROSALIND Pray you, no more of this; 'tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon. [to Silvius] I will help you if I can. [to Phebe] I would love you if I could. To-morrow meet me all together. [to Phebe] I will marry you if ever I marry woman, and I'll be married to-morrow. [to Orlando] I will satisfy you if ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married to-morrow. [to Silvius] I will content you if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married to-morrow. [to Orlando] As you love Rosalind, meet. [to Silvius] As you love Phebe, meet. And as I love no woman, I'll meet. So fare you well, I have left you commands.
♥ center>Song
..This carol they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
How that a life was but a flower
In springtime, &c.
And therefore take the present rime,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
For a love is crownèd with the prime
In springtime, &c.
♥ ORLANDO
I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not,
As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.
♥ TOUCHSTONE If any man doubt that, let him out me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
JAQUES And how was that ta'en up?
TOUCHSTONE Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
..JAQUES But, for the seventh cause. How did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE Upon a lie seven times removed (bear your body more seeming, Audrey) as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard. He sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the kind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip Modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgement: this is called the Reply Churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say I lie: this is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
JAQUES And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?
TOUCHSTONE I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measured swords and parted.
♥ ROSALIND [to Duke]
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
[To Orlando]
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
DUKE SENIOR
If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
ORLANDO
If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
PHEBE
If sight and shape be true,
Why then, my love adieu!
ROSALIND [to Duke]
I'll have no father, if you be not he.
[To Orlando]
I'll have no husband, if you be not he.
[To Phebe]
Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
♥ PHEBE [to Silvius]
I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
♥ ROSALIND It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue, but it no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes, and good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am neither a good epilogue, nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play! I am not furnished like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My way is to conjure you, and I'll begin with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of this play as please you; and I charge you, O men, for the love you bear to women (as I perceive by your simp'ring none of you hates them), that between you and the women the play may please. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that liked me, and breaths that I defied not; and I am sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.