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[margokennedy]

without intending to i wrote a giant thing about me me me. looks and difference... i don't think anyone would bother to read this but i do feel compelled to post it, since it is my diary.  i didn't bother most parts to write extremely well.  it's written in usual casual journal style and pretty all over the place.  please do feel free to read

Comments

[margokennedy]

i'm glad. i'm sad that i came across as shallow at times. sometimes i obviously felt like putting more effort into writing than other times...or maybe sometimes i was even incapable of really writing anything that wasn't shallow for whatever reason (crippling depression and confusion as well as starvation would do it i guess.)

yeah i have throughout my life been told i looked like a boy. when i was little like elementary school age i was extremely tomboyish sometimes and wore my brother's clothes and pretended i really was a boy for fun and a feeling of power or something though i didn't understand that's what it was at the time (lol :O) i also liked wearing dresses and skirts and doing feminine things though idk. i really admired girls who i saw as delicate and feminine and wished i could be more that way instead of "tough" etc and over time developed a complex about femininity (though also went back and forth on that blahblah 14 year old teen angst.) idkkk sometimes I wonder if my extremely feminine personality and sometimes sense of dressing comes from who i really am, or from some complex i have about being mannish somehow. and secret desire to be seen as delicate and weak and pretty blahblah. our society sucks a lot.

[margokennedy]

"Anyway, I know people w depression/social anxiety can misread faces. i.e. reading a neutral face as angered/annoyed/disgusted etc.."
i didn't know that. ;o i don't doubt that i've done that though. i always perceive people as having a negative opinion of me, unless they make it really obvious that they don't (smiling etc.)

yeah all of those things we say are strange. i kind of admire japan's honesty and openness about how important looks are. i was confused for a long time.. even the feminists at my college i remember were kind of stuck up about looks. ho hum.