into every life a little epiphany must fall....
So I check my e-mail this morning....and lo and behold...I see an e-mail from my mom with the subject "MY SPACE PAGE" I was like.... wtf? My reaction wasn't improved much upon actually reading the letter...which was as follows (and yes...she wrote it in all caps ~_~ )
MARGI : i JUST LOOKED AT YOUR THING ON MY SPACE.COM AND YES IAM YELLING AT YOU! I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR LESBIAN COMMENT OR YOUR RELIGION AS BEING WICKEN, YOU ARE A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN AND A BAPTIST . THAT HAD BETTER BE CHANGED OR DONT ASK ME FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. I CAN NOT ABIDE THE LOOK OF IT . IF YOU DONT CARE ABOUT YOURSELF PLEASE HAVE THE COURTESEY FOR MY FEELINGS MOM.
Okay.........the irony is...she KNEW I'm gay. I came out in a letter the summer before last. Allen has continued to pretend it never happened, has never mentioned it...and always make anti-gay comments whenever anything concerning same-sex marriages or the like airs on the news or tv. So I took the day to think over it...and with some encouragement from Eric...I decided to do something I've never done before. I e-mailed mom back...and I told her the truth. My letter was as follows;
Unlike You...I'm not going to yell, because there's no sense in it. First off...if you would've looked at the date, you would have seen that I haven't logged in to that profile in more than a year and a half. I thought I'd deleted it because I don't even like myspace. I requested the profile be deleted, but it will take up to 48 hours for the site to process the deletion request. Secondly...yes, the profile lists me as a lesbian, because I AM one. I've never been sexually attracted to a man in my entire life. What got me is that you KNEW I'm gay....I told you the summer before last...Allen might pretend it never happened, but you even told me you didn't agree with it, but you still loved me. That's fine....you don't *have* to agree with it, but it's not something I can change.
About religion....no, I'm not a baptist. I haven't been a baptist since I figured out I was gay when I was in high school. What sane person would follow a denomination that claims they're an `abomination' over something they had no choice in? I didn't *choose* to not be attracted to guys....if being gay was just a lifestyle choice like southern baptists claim...why would they *choose* to be persecuted their entire lives? To be threatened, to face the possibility of having their kids taken away, or losing their jobs because of discrimination? It would be crazy.
I believe in God.....I've always believed in God. I listed myself as wiccan on that old profile because I'd researched alot of different religions and at that time it was the closest match to my beliefs. I'm a very spiritual, morally good person, which I'd hoped you would have realized by now even if we don't agree on several matters. Image isn't everything. Look at Heather and Tina...they polish their public images like an expensive statue...but they're the ones who didn't care if they stabbed their own mother in the back, ruined their sister's chances of getting her bachelor's degree, or landed us all without even a place to live...for money. I could have banded together with them...that $10,000+ would've put a huge dent in my student loan debt....but I didn't. Why? Because it wasn't right, because I have a conscience and would never betray my own mother like that, especially for something as meaningless as money.
But I can't change who I am, and I'm tired of having to hide books because I know you or Allen would blow up over them, or bite my lip whenever I'm home for longer than a day. Think about the times we watched the evening news, when a story came on covering same-sex marriages...and Allen would roll his eyes and make a disgusted comment...how do you think that made me feel? I had to sit there and not say anything, even though I felt like he'd slapped me in the face every time he did it.
It breaks my heart that you two would be fine with Eric being gay...but if you have to face the truth that *I'm* gay...you can't stand it. It's like you're saying "oh gays are fine...as long as I'm not related to one!" Sue Taylor considered her image and her reputation as the most important thing in her life....and I've always considered you her polar opposite. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter you probably wanted to have, but I am who I am, and I consider myself a good person.
*end of letter* So given the fact that I just sent it...I could be disowned or kicked out tomorrow. But I was tired of having to lie about who I am around the people who should love and support me the most.
MARGI : i JUST LOOKED AT YOUR THING ON MY SPACE.COM AND YES IAM YELLING AT YOU! I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR LESBIAN COMMENT OR YOUR RELIGION AS BEING WICKEN, YOU ARE A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN AND A BAPTIST . THAT HAD BETTER BE CHANGED OR DONT ASK ME FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. I CAN NOT ABIDE THE LOOK OF IT . IF YOU DONT CARE ABOUT YOURSELF PLEASE HAVE THE COURTESEY FOR MY FEELINGS MOM.
Okay.........the irony is...she KNEW I'm gay. I came out in a letter the summer before last. Allen has continued to pretend it never happened, has never mentioned it...and always make anti-gay comments whenever anything concerning same-sex marriages or the like airs on the news or tv. So I took the day to think over it...and with some encouragement from Eric...I decided to do something I've never done before. I e-mailed mom back...and I told her the truth. My letter was as follows;
Unlike You...I'm not going to yell, because there's no sense in it. First off...if you would've looked at the date, you would have seen that I haven't logged in to that profile in more than a year and a half. I thought I'd deleted it because I don't even like myspace. I requested the profile be deleted, but it will take up to 48 hours for the site to process the deletion request. Secondly...yes, the profile lists me as a lesbian, because I AM one. I've never been sexually attracted to a man in my entire life. What got me is that you KNEW I'm gay....I told you the summer before last...Allen might pretend it never happened, but you even told me you didn't agree with it, but you still loved me. That's fine....you don't *have* to agree with it, but it's not something I can change.
About religion....no, I'm not a baptist. I haven't been a baptist since I figured out I was gay when I was in high school. What sane person would follow a denomination that claims they're an `abomination' over something they had no choice in? I didn't *choose* to not be attracted to guys....if being gay was just a lifestyle choice like southern baptists claim...why would they *choose* to be persecuted their entire lives? To be threatened, to face the possibility of having their kids taken away, or losing their jobs because of discrimination? It would be crazy.
I believe in God.....I've always believed in God. I listed myself as wiccan on that old profile because I'd researched alot of different religions and at that time it was the closest match to my beliefs. I'm a very spiritual, morally good person, which I'd hoped you would have realized by now even if we don't agree on several matters. Image isn't everything. Look at Heather and Tina...they polish their public images like an expensive statue...but they're the ones who didn't care if they stabbed their own mother in the back, ruined their sister's chances of getting her bachelor's degree, or landed us all without even a place to live...for money. I could have banded together with them...that $10,000+ would've put a huge dent in my student loan debt....but I didn't. Why? Because it wasn't right, because I have a conscience and would never betray my own mother like that, especially for something as meaningless as money.
But I can't change who I am, and I'm tired of having to hide books because I know you or Allen would blow up over them, or bite my lip whenever I'm home for longer than a day. Think about the times we watched the evening news, when a story came on covering same-sex marriages...and Allen would roll his eyes and make a disgusted comment...how do you think that made me feel? I had to sit there and not say anything, even though I felt like he'd slapped me in the face every time he did it.
It breaks my heart that you two would be fine with Eric being gay...but if you have to face the truth that *I'm* gay...you can't stand it. It's like you're saying "oh gays are fine...as long as I'm not related to one!" Sue Taylor considered her image and her reputation as the most important thing in her life....and I've always considered you her polar opposite. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter you probably wanted to have, but I am who I am, and I consider myself a good person.
*end of letter* So given the fact that I just sent it...I could be disowned or kicked out tomorrow. But I was tired of having to lie about who I am around the people who should love and support me the most.