Here's to 2014!
cw: my flavour of anxiety
*raises a glass*
So, ugh, these past couple of days have been kinda meh. Yeah, I got lots of presents and my chicklet is (finally) here after having gone down to see my dad and then he monopolized her errand running time and then the car broke down and then she showed up late yesterday.
And then my mom just... has to have everything revolve around her, so it's been hard to get to speak to my dearheart even. But we managed and had an alright dinner and watched the original Hairspray together and eventually had a good time.
(FJ and I came home early, thank goodness.)
I've been leaving good wishes for 2014 everywhere I can, and as a result came across the exact problem with my anxiety I've had trouble articulating via
resonant who has a way with words even in their journal posts (envious, lol).
These last couple of months have been hard for me, compounded by the fact that my previously general anxiety has latched on to the knowledge that we are all mortal and it has latched on it hard and viscerally.
(and gods, I am trembling at this but not anywhere near as much as working up to posting comments over at
recessional's mental health thread, so I am getting better, step by slow step)
And you know what? It's actually been slightly good for me because I've had to leave my despair behind. I've taken up getting our living space sorted again. I've been reaching out to those people I admire and friends who've I've missed dearly. I'm reading again. I'm posting again. I'm making myself have goals again and dream again and be the change I want to see in the world again.
I've been creating again.
And I've been eating again and taking my vitamin E and magnesium again. I've been washing again.
The anxiety is still here, but damn it. I have lost almost everything the past few years and I need to stop deliberately letting the anxiety take the rest.
So what if cars are scary? So what if posting is scary? I am blessed enough to have all of you and my creativeness and I want to pick up as I mean to go on.
The boredom made me forget that each day can count, and I can make it count. Living each day mindfully is what should count.
Wish me luck.
*raises a glass*
So, ugh, these past couple of days have been kinda meh. Yeah, I got lots of presents and my chicklet is (finally) here after having gone down to see my dad and then he monopolized her errand running time and then the car broke down and then she showed up late yesterday.
And then my mom just... has to have everything revolve around her, so it's been hard to get to speak to my dearheart even. But we managed and had an alright dinner and watched the original Hairspray together and eventually had a good time.
(FJ and I came home early, thank goodness.)
I've been leaving good wishes for 2014 everywhere I can, and as a result came across the exact problem with my anxiety I've had trouble articulating via
resonant who has a way with words even in their journal posts (envious, lol).
These last couple of months have been hard for me, compounded by the fact that my previously general anxiety has latched on to the knowledge that we are all mortal and it has latched on it hard and viscerally.
(and gods, I am trembling at this but not anywhere near as much as working up to posting comments over at
recessional's mental health thread, so I am getting better, step by slow step)
And you know what? It's actually been slightly good for me because I've had to leave my despair behind. I've taken up getting our living space sorted again. I've been reaching out to those people I admire and friends who've I've missed dearly. I'm reading again. I'm posting again. I'm making myself have goals again and dream again and be the change I want to see in the world again.
I've been creating again.
And I've been eating again and taking my vitamin E and magnesium again. I've been washing again.
The anxiety is still here, but damn it. I have lost almost everything the past few years and I need to stop deliberately letting the anxiety take the rest.
So what if cars are scary? So what if posting is scary? I am blessed enough to have all of you and my creativeness and I want to pick up as I mean to go on.
The boredom made me forget that each day can count, and I can make it count. Living each day mindfully is what should count.
Wish me luck.