[I'm getting the best of both worlds.]
... So why do people try to convince me it's so wrong?
Why would my mother say it's totally ok for me to like men AND women, and not allow me to bring a girlfriend home?
She says it's because she knows people won't accept it as easily as she does, but I doubt it's the only reason. It's not that I'm sure I'm going to get a girlfriend and want to take her home. I would never make someone I love go to a place where they are not welcome.
My mother, my sister and my younger brother know I'm bi. Most of my friends do, too. My father doesn't, though he probably suspects it by now. I was knew that no matter what, I'd have problems with my father for this. And my grandmother. God, I definitely would like to avoid telling her.
I've been in a state where I can only be happy when I'm here, using the computer. That's why I use it so much, really. It's the only time I'm happy. Just today,I started reading a webcomic, Yu+Me. It's beautiful, it made me feel ... somehow like I actually had a place in the world. So anyway. Father was using the computer today, and went into the History and all... So he found the comic. And his reaction was pretty much "So this is what you've been doing all this time? Reading comics about lesbians?" and of course I got upset, because there shouldn't be nothing wrong. It's just a comic. It could be about straight people. I just happened to like this one. And he was only mad because he is a man with his head full of prejudice. I started crying and telling him exactly that, and he said he has nothing against it, and all that crap. The way he talked, made me feel like the worst person in the world. And Mother just totally sided with him, told me to stop crying and overreacting, to shut up. Which she always does when I cry.
It only made me realize something I already suspected: This was never my place, it's the house where I've lived all my life, but it isn't where I belong. I will never belong here. I can never tell my father that I like women. I can't talk to him about my feelings. Any of them.
I just want to live my life and be happy, and have someone I can trust and love, without feeling guilty.