6am
ok jenna wants me to get back on livejournal which is probably a good thing because a) i haven;t really talked to a soul about my life since i left california and b) it's 6am here and i am awake with nothing to do, the only downside being that my wrist hurts, but oh well.
well i have discovered that it is nice and also weird to be friends with your ex. it's really nice, that conversation i had with paul the other day. the same comfortability that i felt when i was wih him was still there. we had a nice conversation about how he doesn't really know me. i am glad to have good standing with him, i mean i shared a lot with him, i trusted him, maybe i even loved him. Sometimes I think that, well no more relationship with him, but if we met today that we would be the best of friends, something i can't say has happened with most guys ... until this year of course.
on the other hand new pictures showed up on facebook today. i felt a twinge of jealousy. people were having fun and i wasn't there, but i dont think i would have fit in anyways. i mean i guess they are my friends but theres something to it that i dont like. oh and i hate guys with long hair. just needed to add that.
also since jenna will prob be the only one to read this, you will be the first to know i guess. i have no fucking clue what i am going to do next year. i have basically decided that i can not afford to go to school, both financially and mentally. i was seriously looking into americorp, but now i'm leaning towards the air force. ideally i would stay in santa cruz with all my friends, but i dont know if i could do that financially, even if i didnt go to school.
i am sick of waiting and wondering what move in day will be like and what i will wear, and why i care so much. and i want my relationship when i get back, at least i think so now, and i wonder if it will be there. ut then again i dont really care seeing how this summer went...
well i have discovered that it is nice and also weird to be friends with your ex. it's really nice, that conversation i had with paul the other day. the same comfortability that i felt when i was wih him was still there. we had a nice conversation about how he doesn't really know me. i am glad to have good standing with him, i mean i shared a lot with him, i trusted him, maybe i even loved him. Sometimes I think that, well no more relationship with him, but if we met today that we would be the best of friends, something i can't say has happened with most guys ... until this year of course.
on the other hand new pictures showed up on facebook today. i felt a twinge of jealousy. people were having fun and i wasn't there, but i dont think i would have fit in anyways. i mean i guess they are my friends but theres something to it that i dont like. oh and i hate guys with long hair. just needed to add that.
also since jenna will prob be the only one to read this, you will be the first to know i guess. i have no fucking clue what i am going to do next year. i have basically decided that i can not afford to go to school, both financially and mentally. i was seriously looking into americorp, but now i'm leaning towards the air force. ideally i would stay in santa cruz with all my friends, but i dont know if i could do that financially, even if i didnt go to school.
i am sick of waiting and wondering what move in day will be like and what i will wear, and why i care so much. and i want my relationship when i get back, at least i think so now, and i wonder if it will be there. ut then again i dont really care seeing how this summer went...