(no subject)
i cant sleep on these utterly freezing nights. i always feel so pensive. i havent written in this thing in forever but i remember how little i used to sleep when i wrote in it all the time, so i suppose its only appropriate to revert back to it now. i've been sitting here for the longest time reading my old entries...as is always constructive. i am shocked at how much ive changed. i think that mostly ive changed for the better, i feel like im stronger and less dependent than i used to be, but i am definitely not as nice as i once was. i kind of miss that about myself, but i guess i was also kind of a doormat. the one thing that i really miss the most is having such all consuming friendships. i suppose its kind of foolish to believe that friends can retain such a huge portion of our lives as we get older but i remember when i used my relationships with people as a form of escapism. i remember never wanting to be at home and always craving company. i find myself being somewhat of a recluse these days. it isnt that i dont know people in brooklyn, but i cant really put my finger on why i dont go out of my way to spend time with people anymore. it seems like the only time i get together with people is when we are meeting for drinks or something. i remember having such amazing times with people before being wasted with them was really an option (or at least a convenient option). maybe all of this sounds stupid, but i couldnt care less. i guess what i really want to say is that i'm really proud to have the friends that i do. i want it known that you guys mean so much to me. i dont want there to be any doubt that there isnt anything i wouldnt do for you all. i love you and thank you for just being who you are. all of you. even people who im not incredibly close to. all of you play your roles and you play them well and i appreciate you. i dont care if this sounds contrite, people need to know how much they are worth sometimes and i dont have a problem telling them.