(no subject)
I know I can't complain about the amount of work I have to do. It's great really. Knowing my rent for next month is pretty much already paid for feels great. But at the same time it's a daunting amount of work that seems to never end.
I spent the first half of the week in a residual pretty good mood though I felt like crap because girl times like to wreak havoc with my body.
The rest of the week has been spent working my ass off (comparatively) and a few times literally. 34 miles! But also my anxiety has been working on me hardcore. My brain has been working on trying to convince itself that Aaron is going to lose interest in me. I should specify it's more like one side of my brain. The Sith side of my brain. The Jedi side is all like umm why are you worrying about something that doesn't exist yet. Worrying about potential futures is a waste of time and also you are awesome...( a fact pounded in by many people, much appreciated by me). So I've been trying to reach a balance of accepting that yes while it is possible it is a)currently irrelevant and b)no indication on my awesomeness as a person and c)it would be stupid of him. Meanwhile my subconscious brain is still having a great time throwing in bad dreams about Justin.
It's like my brain can't just handle a status quo of anything but system failure. It's a fun place to be to have a brain torn between knowing the illogicality of anxiety and the lack of control to stop it from sneaking in.
I was hoping to be able to have free time on Saturday do see if he wanted to do something. But I just don't think that's going to happen. Sad face. I think I am going to call anyways. He had a monumentally huge project this week and has been really busy so I guess I'll just see how that went for him. Best case scenario I'll be able to make plans for later in the week.
Also I think I would be ok with being Neko Case.
I spent the first half of the week in a residual pretty good mood though I felt like crap because girl times like to wreak havoc with my body.
The rest of the week has been spent working my ass off (comparatively) and a few times literally. 34 miles! But also my anxiety has been working on me hardcore. My brain has been working on trying to convince itself that Aaron is going to lose interest in me. I should specify it's more like one side of my brain. The Sith side of my brain. The Jedi side is all like umm why are you worrying about something that doesn't exist yet. Worrying about potential futures is a waste of time and also you are awesome...( a fact pounded in by many people, much appreciated by me). So I've been trying to reach a balance of accepting that yes while it is possible it is a)currently irrelevant and b)no indication on my awesomeness as a person and c)it would be stupid of him. Meanwhile my subconscious brain is still having a great time throwing in bad dreams about Justin.
It's like my brain can't just handle a status quo of anything but system failure. It's a fun place to be to have a brain torn between knowing the illogicality of anxiety and the lack of control to stop it from sneaking in.
I was hoping to be able to have free time on Saturday do see if he wanted to do something. But I just don't think that's going to happen. Sad face. I think I am going to call anyways. He had a monumentally huge project this week and has been really busy so I guess I'll just see how that went for him. Best case scenario I'll be able to make plans for later in the week.
Also I think I would be ok with being Neko Case.