usual bullshit
Yesterday, neighbor's dog had the nerve to get into my backyard. It's been several times already. As usual, I wasn't comfortable talking to the neighbors about it. Those ass holes do NOT look like "good" or "nice" people (although nobody is perfect). (rolls eyes). It appears that the lil fucker climbed a ladder. Then all of a sudden, the lil dipshit was gone from my backyard. As usual, the neighbors did not apologize.
Fuck Mexicans! Especially the day laborers and construction workers @ Niggerland:
almost hitting me with cars
laughing @ me
off leash dogs
"huh" and "what" instead of "excuse me"
"Chino", like it's my name
day laborers shouldn't even be in the united states, but somehow THEY manage to make me feel like *I* do not belong @ home depot. (rolls eyes) And there are so fucking many of them. after defecating @ all the home depots in the bay area, only a couple of them had day laborers. it's been much better, since june 2023, when the store manager FINALLY told security to keep the day laborers out the parking lot, and usually they keep most of the day laborers out the parking lot, but the parking lot has plenty of blind spots, and sometimes day laborers just loiter away all fucking day long.
i do not understand how the fuck those retarded ass holes pay for cars and buddha knows what else?
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this week, monday, tuesday, thurs, friday, off work. every day, went to bed 9 to 10pm, and woke up 4 to 5 am, breakfast, and two hours later, took one hour nap. (major sleep deprivation, shit). nothing accomplished. cvs, walgreen's, trader joe's, ranch 99, safeway, food maxx. library, jogging, laundry, dishes. (executive functioning disorder). exhausted and fatigue all the fucking time. sitting up typing is taking a lot of energy. would rather just like down. but sometimes the phone does not (completely) recharge, and i do not like to go to work with the phone not completely recharged (on the other hand, with or without a phone, i still do not like to go to work). the training room has four computers, but sometimes the training room locked, or full of idiots. the training room has the tv on, but it's not always something i wanna watch. the tv has a wide variety of shows: lifelock commercial, life alert commercial, tv shows about doctors, tv shows about cops, situation comedies, slapstick humor, news. sometimes the breakroom is empty, but often it's full of retards making way too much fucking noise.
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could/should be scrubbing my pigpen, but too fucking tired, apathetic, and lazy.
company sponsored insurance not open for enrollment until november 7 to november 21. so fucking afraid i might fail to sign up in time, like last year, shit.
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talking takes too much fucking energy.
everything takes too much fucking energy.
past couple days, been getting cold temperature. wednesday, briefly sprinkled. dread the winter. last year, feet fucking FROZEN in my Pigpen, and in the end of january, my sister told me the PGE bill too high, so i immediately turned off the space heater (which only heated the hallway anyways) and have not turned it on since then. however, primary doctor said i might have Reynauld's Phenomenon. otherwise some people just "cold" (temperature). when it rains at work, wet shoes from 7am to 7pm. 41 years old, health rapidly getting much worse. not just bench press, but litterboxing and urinating and temperature. on the other hand, roy 66, willie 61 (no longer works there), tattletale tom 55, joe 53, lazy white boy steve 44. lazy white boy steve made redundant for "stealing time". that had NOTHING to do with performance or physical weakness. that stupid lil black girl N.O., was the same height/weight as me, but kept telling the cashier "i can't do ...". and kimmathy and jayla. otherwise about 40 lot attendants in four years. only daniel (a sign on the wall says he's been working there for four years) and tattletale tom (eight years, but not every year has been lot attendant), have been working there longer than me. always afraid of getting sick and shit.
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today's litterbox:
breakfast: 6 minutes, 1 minute, 1 min, 1 min
lunch: 5 min
dinner:
hope metamucil is working. (maybe that's false hope).
paranoid of "anal stenosis", "anal dilator", "LIS surgery" and et cetera.
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sunday, dinner: two "zongzi" (and one hummus and two bananas). monday's bowel movements took even longer than usual.
some articles claim "zongzi" causes constipation and only supposed to eat one per meal. (fine). but I "love" the duck egg zongzi (cantonese style). after work, past couple weeks, went there. but b/c of daylight savings time, i won't be able to do that, starting three weeks later.
nothing to do in my Pigpen. been applying for jobs, but none of them will hire me. and you do not know how easy it is to get fired, until you work there. it's like home depot is a slowly and badly moving car, and i am trying to jump out the car into a faster and better moving car, but those cars won't lemmie jump in, and those cars might not be as great as they appear. esp b/c i do not have a car, public transportation only comes certain times and certain locations. time, money, energy. bad work history (too many short term jobs, getting fired, zero job skills, long amount of unemployment). (how the fuck does Cory not understand how/why i have so much difficulty finding/keeping a dumpsterfire "job", shit? that idiot keeps telling me "you have a college degree". it's like WTF ever, it's a useless degree, and i hate how he keeps reminding me that. shit! last october, i saw him sitting on a bench, and i spoke to him briefly. have not interacted with him since then. yes, he looks like a good and nice person. and his advice did not benefit him financially or in any other way, but i just HATE how he had the nerve to peer pressure me to take community college classes. inefficient and ineffective. what a waste of time, money, and energy, shit!
shit, i should've been a fucking Psychologist! all they do is sit around flapping their retardedass traps!
surfing youtube videos: $$$, defecating, things like that.
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my sister keeps telling me she wants to sell the house. i'm afraid that i won't be able to afford rent b/c i only earn minimum wage, part time, and could get made redundant any day now. also, paranoid of living in a "food dessert". plenty of low income areas are food desserts. (right now i only live two blocks from a large supermarket). maybe i could take my own shopping cart to the supermarket, and take it on the bus, less often. not convenient, but WTF ever. people in chinatown do that all the time. not much parking in chinatown, and plenty of people do not have cars. paranoid of moving somewhere dangerous. but WTF ever. i'm 41. which is past middle age. if i was going to accomplish something, i would already have done so. besides, plenty of people accomplish nothing. and everyone has to die sooner or later anyways. but to die without having really "lived" scares me. but whatever.
"life" goes on. ass holes just keep misunderstanding me, shit!
"thin line between love and hate", to me, means do not be "attached" to love or "aversed" to hate. try to avoid both love and hate, b/c they are close to eachother. love and hate are not opposites.