(no subject)
the only things i feel like saying or talking about the last few days, are broken half-thoughts
i told this to someone last night, that i was shopping last week or the week before. i was in the produce section, and i thought, this is what i dislike most about life, you want to protect every one but you can't protect any one. the notion of protection is a nice one, i like to be told, "i'll protect you," and i think you can protect me. but not in the way i am being protected from the crash, but to be helped afterward. knowing you are being protected, or realizing it after the fact, they are both nice things.
i have very contradictory feelings about people. this goes along with a problem i have of either wanting to talk to a lot of people, or not many at all. sometimes i feel convinced every one is bad, at one point i remember saying "everyone is a liar." that is a hard generalization. i think everyone is bad, i think every one is good. i don't think they are so trustworthy. at the same time, i think mistakes that are made tend to be very humanistic, i do not think we really set out to hurt each other. but the idea that, oh! i have hurt you, that is frightening and comes with this huge weight of responsibility. added on, there is the huge weight of being hurt, and what you should expect from the person that hurt you. what do you do? it's very case-by-case. forgiveness is this monster, and i always remember being told forgiveness is more for yourself. i don't know if i always believe that, but it feels like the best thing to do. i'm not great at it. but i'll do it, eventually.
i like being private and not having a lot of people around, but i like to watch them, i like seeing what they do and say and how they interact with their environment. what they love and hate and how they treat those things. i think knowing what someone likes to eat is important. i admire the quality of enjoying hard flavors. i haven't mastered the ability to pick them apart just yet. i admire the ability to give everyone equal chances. there was a period in time where i was very spoiled, i was too quick to make decisions about others; and it took me some time to see me, being that way, was a person i deeply disliked. i think this goes back to being indecisive about how i regard others. but using those words "regarding others," sounds like i'm sitting on a pretty pouf where i can look down on the rest of the world. i think everyone and myself, we have the same footing, both feet on the ground, and we are trying to sort each other out. no matter how you approach it, everyone's goal is to be happy. if someone said, i don't care about being happy, i would believe that person was being dishonest. if not with the person they say this to, then with themselves. to me, the three most basic human needs are to be loved, to be fed, to sleep. i love sleeping. but i suppose i don't know too much about other people.
i made brownies last night, but i had a problem, because the butter we had in the house was not enough. i needed to add vegetable oil, but i am so stupid with numbers, it took fifteen minutes to figure up the difference in what i had in butter versus oil. they were all gone by this morning, so after work, i made another pan (with only oil). they weren't quite as good, but i undercook brownies so much, it doesn't really matter at all.
you see a pretty piece of clothing in a store, you try it on, it looks ugly. you see something you think is not right, try it on, it fits you. that's mostly how things turn out.
i really like gritty so-so recordings. they're replacing cliche stereotypical photographs. i wrote all of this to myself with this on repeat, oh ho
i told this to someone last night, that i was shopping last week or the week before. i was in the produce section, and i thought, this is what i dislike most about life, you want to protect every one but you can't protect any one. the notion of protection is a nice one, i like to be told, "i'll protect you," and i think you can protect me. but not in the way i am being protected from the crash, but to be helped afterward. knowing you are being protected, or realizing it after the fact, they are both nice things.
i have very contradictory feelings about people. this goes along with a problem i have of either wanting to talk to a lot of people, or not many at all. sometimes i feel convinced every one is bad, at one point i remember saying "everyone is a liar." that is a hard generalization. i think everyone is bad, i think every one is good. i don't think they are so trustworthy. at the same time, i think mistakes that are made tend to be very humanistic, i do not think we really set out to hurt each other. but the idea that, oh! i have hurt you, that is frightening and comes with this huge weight of responsibility. added on, there is the huge weight of being hurt, and what you should expect from the person that hurt you. what do you do? it's very case-by-case. forgiveness is this monster, and i always remember being told forgiveness is more for yourself. i don't know if i always believe that, but it feels like the best thing to do. i'm not great at it. but i'll do it, eventually.
i like being private and not having a lot of people around, but i like to watch them, i like seeing what they do and say and how they interact with their environment. what they love and hate and how they treat those things. i think knowing what someone likes to eat is important. i admire the quality of enjoying hard flavors. i haven't mastered the ability to pick them apart just yet. i admire the ability to give everyone equal chances. there was a period in time where i was very spoiled, i was too quick to make decisions about others; and it took me some time to see me, being that way, was a person i deeply disliked. i think this goes back to being indecisive about how i regard others. but using those words "regarding others," sounds like i'm sitting on a pretty pouf where i can look down on the rest of the world. i think everyone and myself, we have the same footing, both feet on the ground, and we are trying to sort each other out. no matter how you approach it, everyone's goal is to be happy. if someone said, i don't care about being happy, i would believe that person was being dishonest. if not with the person they say this to, then with themselves. to me, the three most basic human needs are to be loved, to be fed, to sleep. i love sleeping. but i suppose i don't know too much about other people.
i made brownies last night, but i had a problem, because the butter we had in the house was not enough. i needed to add vegetable oil, but i am so stupid with numbers, it took fifteen minutes to figure up the difference in what i had in butter versus oil. they were all gone by this morning, so after work, i made another pan (with only oil). they weren't quite as good, but i undercook brownies so much, it doesn't really matter at all.
you see a pretty piece of clothing in a store, you try it on, it looks ugly. you see something you think is not right, try it on, it fits you. that's mostly how things turn out.
Click to viewi really like gritty so-so recordings. they're replacing cliche stereotypical photographs. i wrote all of this to myself with this on repeat, oh ho