(no subject)
i just did some calculations and realized that the substantial amount of financial help that i'll need from my parents to move to rochester will be even more than i thought it was. i feel like such a jerk. i have no idea what makes me think i'm ready for this.
this after they've already put me up for a year, not to mention helped with college, a car, and a computer. and what the hell have i done? i haven't done a goddamned thing.
i'm terrified because never before in my life-- NEVER-- have i been in a situation that i'm more capable of fucking up. i've been nervous about how i'd do at something before, sure, but now i have a terrible vision of coming home in a few months with my tail between my legs, minus some friends and yet more money, and getting more and more stuck. i can honestly see that happening...and i don't know what the fuck to do.
this after they've already put me up for a year, not to mention helped with college, a car, and a computer. and what the hell have i done? i haven't done a goddamned thing.
i'm terrified because never before in my life-- NEVER-- have i been in a situation that i'm more capable of fucking up. i've been nervous about how i'd do at something before, sure, but now i have a terrible vision of coming home in a few months with my tail between my legs, minus some friends and yet more money, and getting more and more stuck. i can honestly see that happening...and i don't know what the fuck to do.