An Oppurtunity to Exit
sometimes it is difficult to do this. usually always it is is difficult to do this. but in all fairness and respect to each being who is associated with me, it must be done. so, if any of you (lj and nonlj, alike) have grown tired of me, feel as though we are no longer growing together in our friendship, wish to give up and let go, Please do so with my blessing.
i try not to miss the faces from the past, all those who have left me, but i still do. one in particular still haunts my dreams all the time. she probably will for the rest of my life. i must accept this and cope as best i can.
it is important to let a person let go when they are ready to let go. . . i think. it's hard, i reply it all in my head, life in my head, wonder if i should have faught harder for what i wanted istead of being a passive obsrver to my own fate. . .
been all full of memory today. see so many partings played over and over. farewell farewell farewell. . .
they come and they go. i try to neither invite them nor hold onto them, still the believer in spiritual magnetism that i am.
but sometimes i really want to send out an invite. like a child would -- full of colors and pictures of cakes and balloons. pizza, fun, games, etc. Haha. if i could do better at curbing the depressive tendencies, the self-isolation, the idealization/devaluation pattern, all other forms of illness and madness, then perhaps i could send out some invites without guilt. and i wouldn't feel the need to give people "outs" to present them with moments where they can leave at their choosing, no questions asked.
blah blah blah.
A can only ever love from a distance. When i get close, i'm different and my love is different and everything falls apart. but from a distance, perhaps i can do some good. i'm in a letter writing mood. anybody want a letter? (that sounded like an invitation, didn't it? ah, i contradict myself constantly, i shouldn't even take notice of it anymore.)
today:
gonna work on keeping it real by not worrying so much about keeping it real.
Farewell.
i try not to miss the faces from the past, all those who have left me, but i still do. one in particular still haunts my dreams all the time. she probably will for the rest of my life. i must accept this and cope as best i can.
it is important to let a person let go when they are ready to let go. . . i think. it's hard, i reply it all in my head, life in my head, wonder if i should have faught harder for what i wanted istead of being a passive obsrver to my own fate. . .
been all full of memory today. see so many partings played over and over. farewell farewell farewell. . .
they come and they go. i try to neither invite them nor hold onto them, still the believer in spiritual magnetism that i am.
but sometimes i really want to send out an invite. like a child would -- full of colors and pictures of cakes and balloons. pizza, fun, games, etc. Haha. if i could do better at curbing the depressive tendencies, the self-isolation, the idealization/devaluation pattern, all other forms of illness and madness, then perhaps i could send out some invites without guilt. and i wouldn't feel the need to give people "outs" to present them with moments where they can leave at their choosing, no questions asked.
blah blah blah.
A can only ever love from a distance. When i get close, i'm different and my love is different and everything falls apart. but from a distance, perhaps i can do some good. i'm in a letter writing mood. anybody want a letter? (that sounded like an invitation, didn't it? ah, i contradict myself constantly, i shouldn't even take notice of it anymore.)
today:
gonna work on keeping it real by not worrying so much about keeping it real.
Farewell.