This day in my history....
So today marks it being 7 years since my mom died.
I've lost quite a few people in my early life. And I'm only 23. I'm just writing this to get this out there. To the universe. Not sure why. I just don't feel like keeping it all in anymore.
She died when I was only 16. And I had to keep myself together. My dad was a mess, and my older brothers and sister had enough of their own grief to deal with without worrying about me. As they always do. We're a very close family.
Her death was a surprise. She had a stroke a month beforehand, but the doctor's said she was fine. Though she had mentally changed.
Then one morning I woke up at 5 am to hearing my sister yelling at my mom to breathe. I had to go outside and wait for the ambulence. Took them 30minutes to get to our place because of how far away from the city we are. I stood out there praying. Shaking in the cold in my pajamas, having no idea what was going on inside the house.
I didn't see her that morning. I had said goodnight to her the night before, and the next time I saw her was in a casket.
Years later my family realised I didn't get a chance to grieve over her death. I bottled everything up, and it was having a bad effect on me.
Harry Potter actually saved my sanity that summer. My sister had just discovered it and read me 3 of the books to distract us.
As much as I wish she could come back to us, I wouldn't want to take her away from the place I know her to be in now. That is my personal belief anyway.
Even today, we try to cheer each other up without actually mentioning what today is. It'd be nice to have someone just say "I'm sorry, I know it's been 7 years, but there is no time limit on grief. On missing someone. Of wondering how things would have been different."
Heck, my best friend didn't even stick by me through it. Several of them, actually. They couldn't handle it.
I'd like to think I would be different if the situation was reversed.