(no subject)
I fear that my psychotic nature has pushed away the girl I love. I really didnt mean to get so pissy this weekend, I was just so stressed. Usually in those circumstances I get out of town, but that wasnt a possibility, and I unwisely kept myself in the situation. I thought I had gotten better at pestering and nagging. I know I have, but I do need to refresh my memory sometimes. Same with the clingy-ness. In all honesty its quite nice to sleep by myself and just chill in my living room alone with a book. But on my last night alone before my parents come home I really want to be with her. And after a stressful weekend and not knowing where I stand with so many people, all I want do do is curl up in her arms. I love to take care of her, but I love it when she comforts me too. Im sure we need to talk, we just havent had time. Ive told her that she needs to confront me but I know she has a problem with that. She always said that instead of confronting me she would just 'get distant'. Well, that is what I would define ignoring my phone calls as. Last time this happened we broke up! I just want to talk to her and apologize and figure out what the fuck we're doing with life right now. Shes got so many stressors and I only want to help her. I've got a lot too right now and I dont know what im going to do with myself, I am beyond words in worry and physically sick at the moment. But I just want to be with her. I love time alone as long as it is on good terms, which I dont feel that this is. I hope that she comes to me and we can discuss all of this and maybe re-set my brain to make life a little easier. *sigh* im crazy about this girl. Shes perfect for me, in the realistic form for once. We get along SO WELL... all I can do is hope for the best.