la la la la
Hey guys. I'm at school right now waiting for Ruth to get out of her first class. Then I am going upstairs to see her for 10 minutes until she has her next class. Then I have an hour and a half to wander around and then go to my classes. Fun!! No, it really is fun. Besides being extremely tired, I'm having a blast.
Ok, guys, now I'm gonna calm down and tell you what's been on my mind.
Yesterday, I was talking to Joey and he (jokingly) told me that he hates me and I realized that I really don't like myself. He told me again and again that he was joking, and I know that he was. It actually would have been really funny, if I hadn't just then realized that I don't like myself. I did have a drinking problem before. And although I didn't admit it to anyone, I knew it for a while and was changing. I have changed a lot since then... well I don't drink as much anymore. But my personality is still different than it used to be when I liked myself. I used to feel pride knowing that I was nice. In fact, my goal was to be the nicest person everyone had ever met. Then I started drinking and I gradually changed into this mean, sarcastic, horrible person. Well, my eyes have opened, and I am trying to change. It will take a while for me to change back into the person that I was, but I will try hard because I want to be that nice, sweet person that I was sooo badly. I did some things that I never would have thought I would do. Things that I don't want to do anymore and that I don't really even want to admit that I did. But I need to admit that I did them because knowing what I did will help me become who I want to be and who I really am. I know that you will all do anything that I need from you because you are all so thoughtful and caring. But what I really want from everyone is to be my friend again. I have been a horrible person to all of you and I really want to be friends again. So if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you all so much.
Well, I guess that that's all there is to say for now. I'll try to keep you guys updated on everything.
Marcy
Ok, guys, now I'm gonna calm down and tell you what's been on my mind.
Yesterday, I was talking to Joey and he (jokingly) told me that he hates me and I realized that I really don't like myself. He told me again and again that he was joking, and I know that he was. It actually would have been really funny, if I hadn't just then realized that I don't like myself. I did have a drinking problem before. And although I didn't admit it to anyone, I knew it for a while and was changing. I have changed a lot since then... well I don't drink as much anymore. But my personality is still different than it used to be when I liked myself. I used to feel pride knowing that I was nice. In fact, my goal was to be the nicest person everyone had ever met. Then I started drinking and I gradually changed into this mean, sarcastic, horrible person. Well, my eyes have opened, and I am trying to change. It will take a while for me to change back into the person that I was, but I will try hard because I want to be that nice, sweet person that I was sooo badly. I did some things that I never would have thought I would do. Things that I don't want to do anymore and that I don't really even want to admit that I did. But I need to admit that I did them because knowing what I did will help me become who I want to be and who I really am. I know that you will all do anything that I need from you because you are all so thoughtful and caring. But what I really want from everyone is to be my friend again. I have been a horrible person to all of you and I really want to be friends again. So if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you all so much.
Well, I guess that that's all there is to say for now. I'll try to keep you guys updated on everything.
Marcy