Aug 08, 2007 12:31
This is what I have been thinking:
Should I move or should I not move. I thought I had my mind made up but now I don't know anymore. I think it might be the best thing for me. I can still even go to SCAD. I just have to send in this last paper by Friday. I could move and start making things happen in my life. Or, I could take the easy way out, I could stay here. I can go to LSU, if I get in. I can get an apartment with Daniel, I can get another apartment by myself. Mostly, I just want to move on with my life, in every aspect. I want to change. I want to be a better person, because I feel as if i've been slacking lately. Then I should move to Savannah right? No, I feel like I would be too overwhelmed and my anxiety would skyrocket and my brain would just melt out of my head. I don't think i'm a strong enough person to move right now. I don't have enough faith in myself. But I don't want to stay in Baton Rouge and keep living this life that i'm living. I just want to move on. I want to prove to myself, and everyone, that I can do this. I want to not be around you anymore. I can't handle seeing you anymore. I feel like a crazy person. I see you for all that you are, and I still can't get this out of my head. I've never been able to get you out of my head. And i've been in self-destruct mode ever since you stopped paying me any attention. It's completely pathetic. And I completely deserve it. Karma is a bitch. I wish that people could be more understanding and forgiving and accepting. You're no one to judge. Who said that what you believe is right? I wish that I could still be close to a lot of people, but that's just not possible. I guess I know what I should do, but the question is will I get off my ass and make it happen.