Esoterism

[marchxmaneuver]

I feel so odd. My whole body is aching, and I absolutely hate the world. There are so many terrible people, so many assholes that are happy. So many jerks partying every night, drinking themselves stupid, sleeping with every girl they want, and they're so happy. And girls who smoke pot, and drink, and mess around with guys all the time, they're so happy. And I don't do anything of these things, and I'm not happy. I feel such powerful hatred for the world, I think I'm going to go insane... I'm just dieing to fight someone, some guy who hits hit girlfriend, or the guy who rapes her, gets her pregnant, then claims the baby isn't his. That's disgusting. I will murder all of you in your sleep. I will gouge your eyes out, pour boiling acid on your lap, then shove dirt down your throat. You all deserve to die.

Yet..I'm content... I'm so contented with Melissa... I can't NOT be happy whenever I think of her, which is pretty darned often. It's so very...strange... It feels like I'm falling... spiraling out of control into something I need and want, but that might kill me.

Have you ever been to the mall, and watched a smiling couple holding hands, and think, "I wonder if she's cheating on him," or "That bruise could have been his fist." It's so wierd... how the world could be so terrible, but one simple thing reminds you of everything beautiful for a split second, and then it all feels worth it.

Melissa, you are my moment.