the most strange is always there in you mind...forever!
ok today was ok. i didn't have a very eventful day todat at school. i didn't crsuh the kids during the evacuation drill on the bus today. i was proud of me. i came home. our new dryer came today! im so excited! it has a light in the dryer! that is cool! i checked that out and then ate some yogurt and some cheese. then i changed into a t-shirt, sports bra, and shorts and went for a run. it was great! i loved it! i felt better about myself when i got home. even though i was covered in sweat. but that made me feel even more accomplished. then dillon came over. i don't know what i feel. but today i noticed that his left eye is starting to become less controled. this is telling me that he is nuerologically deteriorating. i don't know what i am gonna do if i lose him. just when we started to make a break through. i love that boy with all my heart, but i can't help but hate that eye. why now? i mean he is jsut now starting to be able to make the least amount of a mess when he eats. what if i lose him, but he is still alive? what if he is no longer my happy, bundle of happiness? what if i lose that. i kno. i'm weighing too much on the what if's, but i worry about him and tiffy. i love her so much. i love those kids with all my heart. i will die if i lose ither one of them. i can't deal with this at this point in time. i think it might be better if i just put these things in the back of my mind til i can do the things i did when i was hurting. but i can't do that right now. i can't think bout this. i have to go get ready for bed cus i am exhausted. hopefully i will be able to get some sleep. i dount that i will.later