I think I'm fine... but not really sure.
Yeah. Sunday I broke up with Robert. I have never been so relieved in my life, well maybe. like that one time when they told me that i didn't have crone's disease. well any ways. He said that he was ok with it. but i don't want to sound like i am full of myself, but i feel as though these freshmen guys that i have 2nd hour with like me. but i'm not sure. they talk to me and act all stupid and stuff, but i doubt that they think that i am hott, it's just the fact of age and that i will talk to them. but anyways. last night was the north/ south game and yeah we won! both our freshman and our varsity team won! north's band sucks ass though. but i do have to admit it is hard to perform at ISU, mainly b/c the huge concrete wall that your sound bounces off of. and the grass is astro-turf and that is really slippery when wet. but they should be looking at the drum major. but russel(SP?) telling me that my eyes were beautiful kinda made me laugh. but in a way it makes me feel good that someone besides Robert thinks that i'm sorta attractive. i know that that might sound weird, mainly because it's russel, but i just sometimes need to think that i am kinda pretty. even though i don't think that i am. i do have to admit that i like my hair and my eyes. and sometimes my nose and ears, and maybe a freckle every now and then, but i hate everything else.
i honestly don't know why or how people say together. i know, i know, they have feelings for each other and stuff, but what is a feeling? to me a feeling is something that can and most likely will be used against you. to hurt you. a feeling, if you think about it, well to me, is stupid. PLEASE don't get me wrong. i am not saying that you, who have a relationship, are stupid, but i think that I am stupid for acting on mine. i think to me that feelings are empty. and they hurt when let known. i guess that i am really tired of being hurt and having my feelings used against me. i really want to have fun, but at the moment i kinda feel, alone. i have no one to take me to dances, hold me when i cry, tell me that i am beautiful, need me as much as i need them, take me places that i have never been before, hold my hand and kiss my nose, and tell me in differing ways how much they care about me. trust me i am NOT saying that i miss Robert, i am merely stating the fact that i miss feeling the same way as the person that i am with. but my feelings are kinda stupid. i like that guy, to which i will NEVER have, because...yet again i am not pretty or smart enough for him. i don't know if i want a relationship or not. i think that all i want is to be wanted.
i honestly don't know why or how people say together. i know, i know, they have feelings for each other and stuff, but what is a feeling? to me a feeling is something that can and most likely will be used against you. to hurt you. a feeling, if you think about it, well to me, is stupid. PLEASE don't get me wrong. i am not saying that you, who have a relationship, are stupid, but i think that I am stupid for acting on mine. i think to me that feelings are empty. and they hurt when let known. i guess that i am really tired of being hurt and having my feelings used against me. i really want to have fun, but at the moment i kinda feel, alone. i have no one to take me to dances, hold me when i cry, tell me that i am beautiful, need me as much as i need them, take me places that i have never been before, hold my hand and kiss my nose, and tell me in differing ways how much they care about me. trust me i am NOT saying that i miss Robert, i am merely stating the fact that i miss feeling the same way as the person that i am with. but my feelings are kinda stupid. i like that guy, to which i will NEVER have, because...yet again i am not pretty or smart enough for him. i don't know if i want a relationship or not. i think that all i want is to be wanted.