(no subject)
I hope it's temporary. Maybe I'm antsy? I dont know, but today at work I just wasn't all...happy? Maybe I'm just realizing that this is it for me in Modesto, which is sad because I really do love it here; but if I wanna be happy in the long run I know I have to get out of here. It's hard realizing the the place where you grew up and where your family is, well, it just isn't the place for me anymore.
Another thing that got me down was hanging out with Sandy and her friends. I was like, these people are amazingly fun. And broad. And interesting. And talented. And intellectual. And I have limited friends, which I do to myself becuase I have waaay too many trust and commitment issues. But largely because I refuse to settle for friends who are not honest, ethical human beings. But I remember thinking, it sucks because I will never have this sort of large, happy group of friends who have this extended bond. I go through friends like fucking tissue paper.
I was insanely happy when Sandy was here and I would hang out with her, and then another night hang out with Dyana and then another night hang out with Ali. I thought, I love this. I wish I had this all of the time. I realize that I have become such a loner. By choice, of course. And have become really independent. But damn, sometimes, I just need more.
I'll be back to my normal self. I'm just reflecting.
Another thing that got me down was hanging out with Sandy and her friends. I was like, these people are amazingly fun. And broad. And interesting. And talented. And intellectual. And I have limited friends, which I do to myself becuase I have waaay too many trust and commitment issues. But largely because I refuse to settle for friends who are not honest, ethical human beings. But I remember thinking, it sucks because I will never have this sort of large, happy group of friends who have this extended bond. I go through friends like fucking tissue paper.
I was insanely happy when Sandy was here and I would hang out with her, and then another night hang out with Dyana and then another night hang out with Ali. I thought, I love this. I wish I had this all of the time. I realize that I have become such a loner. By choice, of course. And have become really independent. But damn, sometimes, I just need more.
I'll be back to my normal self. I'm just reflecting.