A Whiney Update.
Suddenly, everything seems so... hopeless. Or is it suddenly? Perhaps this realization has been building up for a long, long time. I'm becoming a much more complex person, and surely that comes with growing up. However, my problems grow in complexity, as well. Issues I've written about before on here now seem so minute.
First and foremost, maybe last, I feel that I'm becoming more and more like my mother. I love my mother more than anyone I know, but I wish to be nothing like her... that wish is apparently in vain. I've become more argumentative, aggressive, easily angered. The truth is, I don't even realize it until I reflect later. Sometimes, on very rare occasions, I catch myself in the middle of a ranting monologue, and I realize how crazy I sound. Usually, though, I don't release any of this anger. It's bottling up inside me and I can feel it brimming. Running out of room.
When I was little, I never understood this characteristic in my mom, why she got so angry. I think I understand her more and more every day, and really, I'd rather not.
She's never been married, and I'm nearing a similar course myself. I'm not sure how I can be so sure of something like that at the age of 17, but I'm almost positive. We have the same exact views on men: absolute hopelessness. She thinks that all men are inconsiderate, and I'm starting to agree. I see proof of what she sees, in my brother especially, every day. I want to travel, I hope that it's just guys around here that are like this, but I fear that it's a useless hope. I'm not too worried about relationships now, I guess I'm just thinking about the long run.
That feeling of hopelessness isn't limited to these few facets, I just don't know how to put anything into words anymore.
First and foremost, maybe last, I feel that I'm becoming more and more like my mother. I love my mother more than anyone I know, but I wish to be nothing like her... that wish is apparently in vain. I've become more argumentative, aggressive, easily angered. The truth is, I don't even realize it until I reflect later. Sometimes, on very rare occasions, I catch myself in the middle of a ranting monologue, and I realize how crazy I sound. Usually, though, I don't release any of this anger. It's bottling up inside me and I can feel it brimming. Running out of room.
When I was little, I never understood this characteristic in my mom, why she got so angry. I think I understand her more and more every day, and really, I'd rather not.
She's never been married, and I'm nearing a similar course myself. I'm not sure how I can be so sure of something like that at the age of 17, but I'm almost positive. We have the same exact views on men: absolute hopelessness. She thinks that all men are inconsiderate, and I'm starting to agree. I see proof of what she sees, in my brother especially, every day. I want to travel, I hope that it's just guys around here that are like this, but I fear that it's a useless hope. I'm not too worried about relationships now, I guess I'm just thinking about the long run.
That feeling of hopelessness isn't limited to these few facets, I just don't know how to put anything into words anymore.