(no subject)
what a shitty fucking night dads drunk and being an ass and i just dont want to be home right now but i have no where to go and its not like i have anyone that really gives a shit about me, my life as i have come to realize is shit. i'm 21 unemployed still iving at home no girlfriend, no car i have nothing but yet here i am trying to make sense of myself and what the fuck im suppose to be and do with my life i'm tired of trying to live up to everyones expectations hell i dont even have any for myself. veryone either views me as an ass or a manwhore or a dickhead that one cares about myself. none of which is true. i try and do everything i can for others and im tried of being single i just want to find a girl i can be with and have fun with without it getting all fucked up with sex sadly finding said girl seems fucking impossible mabe what i need is a vacation away from everyone seems like a good ida to me but i have no idea where id go or wat id do maybe newfoundland and just relax. My normal sescape is paintball but even that isnt an escape anymore luke keeps making everything more complicated and fucked up and it doesnt even seem like fun anymore every time we go its "we cant do this we cant do that" im tired of it i just want paintball to be what it used to be a fun game you play with friends. thas another thing "friends" i dont even thing i have any real friends everyone always seems to use me for either sex, cuz i can drive my money when i actually had money or to get close to my friends when i had them just to take them from me i mso tired of all the bullshit in my life hell im fucking tired of everyone and everything i need to get away from very fucking person i know in this fucking province jst a week away so i can relax and become me again hell i dont even know who i am anymore since i keep having to put on these dumb ass masks for everyone to be what they want me to be fuck it im going for a walk maybe i dont even know if i want to