Oh those bitches.
You know who are the worst kind of people in the world? The bottom of the bottom, the worst of the worst, the most evil out of all evil? The most fake, phony, misleading, corrupt, and awful girls in the world?
Should I dare say their names without getting burned at the stake for my beliefs?
For the benefit of society, I will brave these waters. I will put my life on the line, for you, my faithful readers, so that you too may be privy to the deep injustices committed against mankind by these horrific creatures. What horrors am I speaking of, you ask? What terrible and sinful people lie in wake among us, unbeknownst to our closed minds?
Say it with me...
GIRL SCOUTS!
For four hard-earned dollars you get one box of about fifteen cookies. For FOUR DOLLARS, you get FIFTEEN cookies. If you do the math, that divides into more than TWENTY FIVE CENTS per cookie. Have we toiled hours and hours breaking our backs and working by the sweat of our brow, only to be ridiculed and humiliated in such a demeaning manner? For this deep crime against humanity no one seems to care about? Who will speak for us against these brainwashing, insidious, manipulative, children? Who will fight for our rights to pay decent wages for COOKIES? Picture this scenario in your mind. Meet Jane. Jane is a hard-worker. She makes 100,000 dollars per year and is a model citizen of her community. She has four children, all honors students and leaders of their respective schools. But Jane's life was not the utopian dream you might imagine it to be. Jane had a scarring flaw, one that could not be erased by the hands of time, one that degraded her life into nothing but ashes of what it once was. Jane was addicted, not to marijuana, not to cocaine, not to heroin, but to something far worse...to Girl Scout cookies. At first, it was simply an indulgence, a box here and there. But four dollars turned into eight dollars, eight into twelve, twelve into sixteen, until huge sums of money were being wasted on such a crippling addiction. When the boxes ran out, she could not sleep and spent her nights meticulously crawling the floor to find any spare crumb left behind. Jane became a shell of a woman, a silhouette of a human being, a loss to our great society. Please remember to keep Jane and those similar to her in your prayers, for they are still suffering at the hands of their evil captors.
Despite such despairing stories, there is hope. There are organizations that work tirelessy against these evils, Fudge Shoppe, Nestle, and Oreo to name a few. Let's please not forget those selfless heroes that fight on our behalf every day. Let's not forget the most hope inspiring individual, the greatest hero in our struggle, the Keebler elf. May he live to see the day when his unfailing efforts are rewarded. In conclusion, I hope you, my reader, have become enlightened and inspired to join in solidarity against these crimes. Like Martin Luther King Jr., I too have a dream, that one day, my little children may wander their communities without the fear that we live in today, and I pray for these dear Girl Scouts, that they may see the error of their ways and repent before their souls are lost to the Evil One forever. Thank you, and God bless you and your loved ones in our eternal struggle.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA sometimes I think I really am insane.
Should I dare say their names without getting burned at the stake for my beliefs?
For the benefit of society, I will brave these waters. I will put my life on the line, for you, my faithful readers, so that you too may be privy to the deep injustices committed against mankind by these horrific creatures. What horrors am I speaking of, you ask? What terrible and sinful people lie in wake among us, unbeknownst to our closed minds?
Say it with me...
GIRL SCOUTS!
For four hard-earned dollars you get one box of about fifteen cookies. For FOUR DOLLARS, you get FIFTEEN cookies. If you do the math, that divides into more than TWENTY FIVE CENTS per cookie. Have we toiled hours and hours breaking our backs and working by the sweat of our brow, only to be ridiculed and humiliated in such a demeaning manner? For this deep crime against humanity no one seems to care about? Who will speak for us against these brainwashing, insidious, manipulative, children? Who will fight for our rights to pay decent wages for COOKIES? Picture this scenario in your mind. Meet Jane. Jane is a hard-worker. She makes 100,000 dollars per year and is a model citizen of her community. She has four children, all honors students and leaders of their respective schools. But Jane's life was not the utopian dream you might imagine it to be. Jane had a scarring flaw, one that could not be erased by the hands of time, one that degraded her life into nothing but ashes of what it once was. Jane was addicted, not to marijuana, not to cocaine, not to heroin, but to something far worse...to Girl Scout cookies. At first, it was simply an indulgence, a box here and there. But four dollars turned into eight dollars, eight into twelve, twelve into sixteen, until huge sums of money were being wasted on such a crippling addiction. When the boxes ran out, she could not sleep and spent her nights meticulously crawling the floor to find any spare crumb left behind. Jane became a shell of a woman, a silhouette of a human being, a loss to our great society. Please remember to keep Jane and those similar to her in your prayers, for they are still suffering at the hands of their evil captors.
Despite such despairing stories, there is hope. There are organizations that work tirelessy against these evils, Fudge Shoppe, Nestle, and Oreo to name a few. Let's please not forget those selfless heroes that fight on our behalf every day. Let's not forget the most hope inspiring individual, the greatest hero in our struggle, the Keebler elf. May he live to see the day when his unfailing efforts are rewarded. In conclusion, I hope you, my reader, have become enlightened and inspired to join in solidarity against these crimes. Like Martin Luther King Jr., I too have a dream, that one day, my little children may wander their communities without the fear that we live in today, and I pray for these dear Girl Scouts, that they may see the error of their ways and repent before their souls are lost to the Evil One forever. Thank you, and God bless you and your loved ones in our eternal struggle.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA sometimes I think I really am insane.