(no subject)
Tonight could have been a beautiful night, well it was... literally. The air was cool, the sky was clear and flecked with stars. A beautiful night outside and I had thought it would be a beautiful night for me. Amanda invited me over her house for coffee. She sounded a little distracted, slightly reserved, worried, and that concerned me. She didn't seem fine like she said she was.
I guess nothing with Amanda turns out like you think it will. She's complicated, I doubt she understands herself but she survives and I admire that. But tonight threw me for a loop. The other night was supposed to be closure for us so when she invited me over I wasn't expecting anything. But standing on her bedroom patio and listening to her speak about how much she loves the view and the breeze, her demeanor change from slightly reserved to blatantly open even without really speaking the words. I felt it, saw it in her eyes. She turned to me and the words fell from our lips... nothing important nothing monumental, just small nothings that held more meaning than we expected them to.
She was wearing the cross I had given her a few days ago. I had given it to her after we'd split, I hadn't expected to see her wearing it, but she clutched it in her hand and I was lost in the sight of the glowing diamonds against her skin. Things got quiet and then the tears appeared. I can't stand to see her cry and in the short time we've known each other I've seen them far too much. She asked me to leave because she couldn't stand to see me, she wasn't prepared for this... it was too much. Too. Much.
So, I left her with tears streaming down her cheeks, stopping to look back just to regret the action. I can't see her like this. I can't.
I guess nothing with Amanda turns out like you think it will. She's complicated, I doubt she understands herself but she survives and I admire that. But tonight threw me for a loop. The other night was supposed to be closure for us so when she invited me over I wasn't expecting anything. But standing on her bedroom patio and listening to her speak about how much she loves the view and the breeze, her demeanor change from slightly reserved to blatantly open even without really speaking the words. I felt it, saw it in her eyes. She turned to me and the words fell from our lips... nothing important nothing monumental, just small nothings that held more meaning than we expected them to.
She was wearing the cross I had given her a few days ago. I had given it to her after we'd split, I hadn't expected to see her wearing it, but she clutched it in her hand and I was lost in the sight of the glowing diamonds against her skin. Things got quiet and then the tears appeared. I can't stand to see her cry and in the short time we've known each other I've seen them far too much. She asked me to leave because she couldn't stand to see me, she wasn't prepared for this... it was too much. Too. Much.
So, I left her with tears streaming down her cheeks, stopping to look back just to regret the action. I can't see her like this. I can't.