(no subject)
THE ENGAGEMENT STORY
So, this story goes back a while, specifically to February. Talia and I had to weather some adverse condition. They were pretty crazy, but they solidified in both our minds the idea that we were in it, or should be in it, for the long haul. So around then I started thinking about rings and staging.
It also goes back even further, to one of our first dates together. We met around the time Interrobang dissolved, and Margie's idea was to take the $200ish we'd made as a band and have a fun dinner together. The place Margie proposed is one of her favorite restaurants, Rok Bistro. Talia, as it turned out, liked it too, so much so that she asked to go there again for her birthday not long after. We visited again on Valentine's Day, in February, in the midst of all the chaos that was happening during that time, and enjoyed it again.
In the meanwhile, I was evaluating ring designs. I found a lot of things that were pretty, but none that really jumped out at me as being something Talia would like... until I remembered that she likes puzzle rings. A couple Google searches and some clicking later, and I had my bling.
The next question was how to actually stage the proposal. Since I planned to do it on our two-year anniversary, I had plenty of time to contemplate. I thought about doing something grand and elaborate--I am a musician, after all--but Talia dropped hints that this would be a bad idea. So I scaled down. My cousin Randy suggested having our families near to hand, but there was no way to accomplish this without spending vast scads of money. Rebecca eventually suggested simply proposing over dinner and then organizing a both-families dessert night, which would allow everyone to celebrate, and that was my working plan for a while.
And then the ring arrived, at the end of July, and it was even nicer than I thought it might be. I carried it with me during weekends in the event that some moment would spontaneously emerge... but none really did. In addition, we kept getting all these questions and hints from the people around us: "When's it your turn," "Is that your fiance," etc. We're going to get even more of them in October, when we attend the wedding of Talia's younger brother Darren (he proposed over Christmas). And doing it at two years would've been very predictable (Talia's words, not mine). Basically, there was no good reason to wait. But if I wanted to not wait, I'd need to manufacture an opportunity.
So I had a brainstorm.
I booked Rok for the two of us on Saturday August 22nd, the last Saturday before class resumed. The stated purpose was to celebrate the end of summer, energize her for the school year ahead, and generally just have one fun last hurrah. Talia's very good at detecting spoilers, so I said nothing about where specifically we were going, and the first surprise was our destination. (The second was how quiet it was. For a short period, we had the front room of the restaurant all to ourselves.)
Talia said she knew it was a possibility in the back of her head. The last time she had a girls' night out--herself, plus her friends Kira, Casey and Amy--Casey asked, "So, which of us is going to get married soonest," and everyone looked at Talia. Including Kira and Amy, who have both been with their respective boyfriends since before Talia and I met. Plus, when some other friends asked if I was planning to propose, Talia bluffed that she had found the ring. (She had not. I hid it in my desk and in my underwear drawer, two places I knew she was unlikely to have reason to look into.) And, whilst filling out an apartment application earlier that very Saturday, I had listed Talia as my spouse. I wrote on the application, "That is not, technically speaking, factually true, but the other option was 'Dependent' and that's even less accurate, so we're going with 'spouse'", and Talia saw me write this--and, to be clear, I meant it--but it still made her bullshit detectors light up. (Like I said, she's very sensitive to spoilers.) But I also knew she was not necessarily expecting it now. The week before, she'd run into a Starbucks coworker whom she had not gotten along with, and who had made unkind remarks towards Talia's relationship status. "Maybe," I said to her, "the next time you see her, you'll have something to prove her wrong," and Talia said, "Nah, I'm gonna see her before that."
And when I pulled out the ring, she was still pretty much blindsided.
Sadly, I wasn't able to do much of a rapturous speech, and I didn't have room to get down on one knee. Talia described it as being awkward and adorable. And clearly it didn't stop her any, because she said "Of course!" And I put it on her finger, and just like that, we were affianced.
And then our waiter--the only one who noticed--took pictures for us and gave us a free dessert. Which was very sweet, but the one thing Talia and I agreed upon was that we were already really, really full.
Originally Talia had had the thought to walk around downtown Sunnyvale after dinner and soak in some of the ambiance, but after dinner took a turn for the unexpected, she wanted to celebrate with people instead. She texted Casey, who lives in San Jose... but Casey was in a movie. So we fell back to home and showed the ring to Talia's mom and her boyfriend. And then we started sending out emails and some text messages, and eventually on Monday the Big Facebook Announcement. Some people we haven't talked to in decades are pinging us with congratulations. And of course we're starting to work on wedding plans, which is even more complicated. We haven't decided on colors or a Save The Date theme or a venue or anything. But one step at a time.
And the first one, we just took.
So, this story goes back a while, specifically to February. Talia and I had to weather some adverse condition. They were pretty crazy, but they solidified in both our minds the idea that we were in it, or should be in it, for the long haul. So around then I started thinking about rings and staging.
It also goes back even further, to one of our first dates together. We met around the time Interrobang dissolved, and Margie's idea was to take the $200ish we'd made as a band and have a fun dinner together. The place Margie proposed is one of her favorite restaurants, Rok Bistro. Talia, as it turned out, liked it too, so much so that she asked to go there again for her birthday not long after. We visited again on Valentine's Day, in February, in the midst of all the chaos that was happening during that time, and enjoyed it again.
In the meanwhile, I was evaluating ring designs. I found a lot of things that were pretty, but none that really jumped out at me as being something Talia would like... until I remembered that she likes puzzle rings. A couple Google searches and some clicking later, and I had my bling.
The next question was how to actually stage the proposal. Since I planned to do it on our two-year anniversary, I had plenty of time to contemplate. I thought about doing something grand and elaborate--I am a musician, after all--but Talia dropped hints that this would be a bad idea. So I scaled down. My cousin Randy suggested having our families near to hand, but there was no way to accomplish this without spending vast scads of money. Rebecca eventually suggested simply proposing over dinner and then organizing a both-families dessert night, which would allow everyone to celebrate, and that was my working plan for a while.
And then the ring arrived, at the end of July, and it was even nicer than I thought it might be. I carried it with me during weekends in the event that some moment would spontaneously emerge... but none really did. In addition, we kept getting all these questions and hints from the people around us: "When's it your turn," "Is that your fiance," etc. We're going to get even more of them in October, when we attend the wedding of Talia's younger brother Darren (he proposed over Christmas). And doing it at two years would've been very predictable (Talia's words, not mine). Basically, there was no good reason to wait. But if I wanted to not wait, I'd need to manufacture an opportunity.
So I had a brainstorm.
I booked Rok for the two of us on Saturday August 22nd, the last Saturday before class resumed. The stated purpose was to celebrate the end of summer, energize her for the school year ahead, and generally just have one fun last hurrah. Talia's very good at detecting spoilers, so I said nothing about where specifically we were going, and the first surprise was our destination. (The second was how quiet it was. For a short period, we had the front room of the restaurant all to ourselves.)
Talia said she knew it was a possibility in the back of her head. The last time she had a girls' night out--herself, plus her friends Kira, Casey and Amy--Casey asked, "So, which of us is going to get married soonest," and everyone looked at Talia. Including Kira and Amy, who have both been with their respective boyfriends since before Talia and I met. Plus, when some other friends asked if I was planning to propose, Talia bluffed that she had found the ring. (She had not. I hid it in my desk and in my underwear drawer, two places I knew she was unlikely to have reason to look into.) And, whilst filling out an apartment application earlier that very Saturday, I had listed Talia as my spouse. I wrote on the application, "That is not, technically speaking, factually true, but the other option was 'Dependent' and that's even less accurate, so we're going with 'spouse'", and Talia saw me write this--and, to be clear, I meant it--but it still made her bullshit detectors light up. (Like I said, she's very sensitive to spoilers.) But I also knew she was not necessarily expecting it now. The week before, she'd run into a Starbucks coworker whom she had not gotten along with, and who had made unkind remarks towards Talia's relationship status. "Maybe," I said to her, "the next time you see her, you'll have something to prove her wrong," and Talia said, "Nah, I'm gonna see her before that."
And when I pulled out the ring, she was still pretty much blindsided.
Sadly, I wasn't able to do much of a rapturous speech, and I didn't have room to get down on one knee. Talia described it as being awkward and adorable. And clearly it didn't stop her any, because she said "Of course!" And I put it on her finger, and just like that, we were affianced.
And then our waiter--the only one who noticed--took pictures for us and gave us a free dessert. Which was very sweet, but the one thing Talia and I agreed upon was that we were already really, really full.
Originally Talia had had the thought to walk around downtown Sunnyvale after dinner and soak in some of the ambiance, but after dinner took a turn for the unexpected, she wanted to celebrate with people instead. She texted Casey, who lives in San Jose... but Casey was in a movie. So we fell back to home and showed the ring to Talia's mom and her boyfriend. And then we started sending out emails and some text messages, and eventually on Monday the Big Facebook Announcement. Some people we haven't talked to in decades are pinging us with congratulations. And of course we're starting to work on wedding plans, which is even more complicated. We haven't decided on colors or a Save The Date theme or a venue or anything. But one step at a time.
And the first one, we just took.