I'm laying in bed listening to Dog play god of war. I honestly cant tell if he's smoking a cigarette or if it's just me. Sleepy. Groggy. A little out of it. My head hurts. It hurts a lot. It also feels buzzy. Like an electric shock. Unpleasent.
Curled up on my side, I try to get back to sleep. A strange tightness in my throat. It feels like my stomach is trying to crawl up and make a happy home there. Force myself to wake up a little and swallow. Feeling is gone for a few seconds. Strange images pass through my mind and my body jerks, everything at once. A pathetic, weak sound is forced out. I feel almost like I'm holding my breath underwater. The fear hits me very hard and I roll over to tell dog that I dont feel so good. He usually takes this as a pretty normal thing, but this time he actually turns down the tv, puts a movie in, and lays down with me.
A little more comfortable. Resting my head on his chest while I try to get to sleep again. I see another set of random images. Plain as day. Tight throat again. Almost like I need to be sick. Another sound pops out and I twitch again. Wake up... Swallow... repeat.
Dizzy and tired, I try again. So close to sleep this time. The buzzing feeling comes back. Very strong. Like wings flapping in my face. Someone reaching in and ringing my brain out. My entire body goes tense at once. Hands forced open. Teeth clench. Hold for a few seconds. I'm still consious. Just... very impared. One last sound as my body goes limp then begins jerking randomly. Fast. Even my stomach muscles hurt. I feel like I'm outside myself. Some part of me feels giggly and happy while the other part is terrified and sad. Finally the rhythmic jerking slows to a hard twitch now and again.
A heavy sigh from dog. He asks if I'm still here and he puts his arm around my head. Messing with my hair a little as I let out a tired whimper and nod.
Thats the last thing I really remember before I fell asleep. A few hard jerks woke me up in the middle of the night, but other than that I slept like the dead.
I'm a little twitchy and tired today and my head aches. My jaws hurt from clenching my teeth so hard and my neck is stiff. I got my morning welbutrin in at the right time, and hopefully I'll remember to take my evening dose at the right time.
I should mention probably that I already know I had a seizure, and all that. *Shrug.* I forget that the people on livejournal dont know neeeeearly as much about me lately as the people on y!gallery do. Which btw is where I've been journaling lately. *ducks and covers* I think I kinda forgot to let everyone in on what's been happening in my life. I think after last year with the abortion unpleasentness I've been really lax with my journal.
I have myoclonic seizures when my body is at rest. I've had simple partials aaaaaaall my life, but didnt know what they were until recently when I discovered that I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY! (big developement in lauraland) The depersonalization issue being explained was sooo nice. The drugs make things worse, but they make my life livable.
*edited to take out some useless code and add... stuff*