(no subject)
Well, Alot has happen since I last wrote in this(I don't know whether I should use "in" or "on", Whatever)...Maybe within this. Alot of people think they know something about me, Or know how I am. That is not correct, Whatever you heard is bullshit. I'm me, When I meet a person, I'm very polite; I can talk to anyone... Whatever I used to be in the past is bullshit, I'm so diffrent now, Not very many people know me now. I know there's one person that knows me pretty well, Other than, My Dad, My Brother, And Stephen(My other brother)
So one of the biggest things that was on my mind alot, Not lately SO much, But there's this girl I used to date(I'll leave it at that). She had an abortion with my kid. It's a really fucked up thing, But it was for the best. I can't handle a kid right now, Neither can she... Well she could of handled it, But, When I have a kid, I NEED TO HAVE: a house that I aquired, A crib, And all of the other stuff that a successfull person should have before they have a kid. I also need to be married(That's another BIG subject of something on my mind lately, But nevermind that let's get back to ABORTION) I hate that word, It's such a sad, cruel, disgusting, filthy, fucking primitve word. I really love that girl, She loves me too, But we're just friends, Because we just remind each other of what we could've had, and it's scary. I know in time, We may get together again... I dunno, I wanted that kid so fucking bad. That kid would of been set, It would've had such a better life than I have(not neccesarily), But DAMN IT. I hate thinking about this, Typing things out has allways helped me deal with things. I post in this alot privately, I don't know why I'm even posting publicly, I don't think anybody reads this, We'll see. I don't know, I wish I would've been five years older and she would of got pregnent, I will have everything I need for a kid in five years, Which is also scary in itself. I want a kid with her, But shit happens, So, We're in the present and all we have is the future. The future is only what you make of the present.
Like I said, Marriage, What a weird thing. Not neccassarilly, But my parents have been married twenty-two years, and now they are getting a divorce. My mother, Whom, Moved to Dallas four years ago, Because the Federal Reserve Bank closed down the San Antonio branch. Has been having an affair. Something I suspected almost two years ago, When your mothers' organizational behavior change, You notice. I want to get married one day, It's scary though, This world is, And I qoute Ludacris "trying to figure out why this world is so cold" (I had to play the song, Just because I qouted it) No one has the morals that, Ten years ago, People used to have. It can only get worse, Is a very strong statement, But not nec. I've come to terms with the formentioned, Along time ago actually. I've been through so much in my life already, I could die, And have not one single regret. Everything happens for a reason. If I died tomorrow, It would be sad. I could've had such a good life, Past that day. I know one day, I'll eventually have to die. It's the only gurantee this Life has. Slowly living to die. What's a measure of life; Time. Is there such a thing as time?, Or is it just another thing society, Has intuitively, Inscripted into our minds... Where the fuck did that come from... Uh,... Dude, Okay. Sometimes, I zone out while I'm typing, And weird shit ends up on the screen. That just happened.
I used to do drugs, I don't anymore, Because I think the only reason I used them, Is to forget, And now I don't want to forget. They made me numb to what I didn't want to think, feel, speak, taste, or hear about. Now, I don't need that, I have myself, That's the only thing I absolutely need in this life. I need other things, But, For survival purposes, I just need myself. I can do so much, I'm a somewhat intelligent person. I believe, That if I had to, I could sell "Ketchup popsickles, To a lady with white gloves." I can talk to people very efficiently. When I worked at Sea Island shrimp house, I learned alot. Not about sea food. Even though, I did however, I learned how to read people alot better than I already could. If you used to know me, You know what I'm talking about. Many older people that came into sea island, Knew I respected them, Just in the way I carried myself, spoke, And how I used my eyes. You speak with your eyes, Alot more than your mouth. Your eyes are very loud, If you know how to use your eyes, It can do alot of things for you., That you never thought possible.
There is alot more on my mind than just this... There's so much more, But I need to do other things than just sit here at the computer and type... Goodbye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So one of the biggest things that was on my mind alot, Not lately SO much, But there's this girl I used to date(I'll leave it at that). She had an abortion with my kid. It's a really fucked up thing, But it was for the best. I can't handle a kid right now, Neither can she... Well she could of handled it, But, When I have a kid, I NEED TO HAVE: a house that I aquired, A crib, And all of the other stuff that a successfull person should have before they have a kid. I also need to be married(That's another BIG subject of something on my mind lately, But nevermind that let's get back to ABORTION) I hate that word, It's such a sad, cruel, disgusting, filthy, fucking primitve word. I really love that girl, She loves me too, But we're just friends, Because we just remind each other of what we could've had, and it's scary. I know in time, We may get together again... I dunno, I wanted that kid so fucking bad. That kid would of been set, It would've had such a better life than I have(not neccesarily), But DAMN IT. I hate thinking about this, Typing things out has allways helped me deal with things. I post in this alot privately, I don't know why I'm even posting publicly, I don't think anybody reads this, We'll see. I don't know, I wish I would've been five years older and she would of got pregnent, I will have everything I need for a kid in five years, Which is also scary in itself. I want a kid with her, But shit happens, So, We're in the present and all we have is the future. The future is only what you make of the present.
Like I said, Marriage, What a weird thing. Not neccassarilly, But my parents have been married twenty-two years, and now they are getting a divorce. My mother, Whom, Moved to Dallas four years ago, Because the Federal Reserve Bank closed down the San Antonio branch. Has been having an affair. Something I suspected almost two years ago, When your mothers' organizational behavior change, You notice. I want to get married one day, It's scary though, This world is, And I qoute Ludacris "trying to figure out why this world is so cold" (I had to play the song, Just because I qouted it) No one has the morals that, Ten years ago, People used to have. It can only get worse, Is a very strong statement, But not nec. I've come to terms with the formentioned, Along time ago actually. I've been through so much in my life already, I could die, And have not one single regret. Everything happens for a reason. If I died tomorrow, It would be sad. I could've had such a good life, Past that day. I know one day, I'll eventually have to die. It's the only gurantee this Life has. Slowly living to die. What's a measure of life; Time. Is there such a thing as time?, Or is it just another thing society, Has intuitively, Inscripted into our minds... Where the fuck did that come from... Uh,... Dude, Okay. Sometimes, I zone out while I'm typing, And weird shit ends up on the screen. That just happened.
I used to do drugs, I don't anymore, Because I think the only reason I used them, Is to forget, And now I don't want to forget. They made me numb to what I didn't want to think, feel, speak, taste, or hear about. Now, I don't need that, I have myself, That's the only thing I absolutely need in this life. I need other things, But, For survival purposes, I just need myself. I can do so much, I'm a somewhat intelligent person. I believe, That if I had to, I could sell "Ketchup popsickles, To a lady with white gloves." I can talk to people very efficiently. When I worked at Sea Island shrimp house, I learned alot. Not about sea food. Even though, I did however, I learned how to read people alot better than I already could. If you used to know me, You know what I'm talking about. Many older people that came into sea island, Knew I respected them, Just in the way I carried myself, spoke, And how I used my eyes. You speak with your eyes, Alot more than your mouth. Your eyes are very loud, If you know how to use your eyes, It can do alot of things for you., That you never thought possible.
There is alot more on my mind than just this... There's so much more, But I need to do other things than just sit here at the computer and type... Goodbye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------