Remembering . . .
Today is a day that will never be forgotten.
Hi, Mom,
I’ve wanted to write to you for a long time, just to say . . . I don’t know. Just to write. I’ve started, written and re-written this letter a thousand times in my head, but I’ve never finished it. Here goes.
One year ago today, you left the world and went home to your parents. It was a peaceful passing, like you wanted - so different from the pain you struggled with. I know wherever you are, you’re free of the pain and suffering you endured. I picture you sitting with your parents enjoying a good cup of coffee, reminding Andy to be nice and behave himself or you’ll tell his wife when she arrives and being immensely loved by the dogs in your life.
I know you’re watching people, especially your family. You were always more concerned about everyone else than yourself. We’re okay - you are missed in more ways that I can say, but we remind ourselves that you’re free of that enduring pain.
I miss you, Mom, and I know you’re still worrying about me. I’d tell you to stop, but that doesn’t work - you’ll just worry more. When you died, I knew one of your concerns for me would be about my job - starting a new school year at a new school by missing the first day for the students, even for your death, doesn’t exactly put out a good first impression. Even so, the school staff was great in that tense situation - my closest co-workers pulled together to make that first day still successful for my students. They were also good to me and I’m happy to say that I’m back there this year. I’m looking forward to the new year. I enjoy my work, Mom, really enjoy it in ways that I haven’t at the other schools I’ve been at. The staff is fabulous to work with and the students are good kids - even when I’m upset with them, they still make me smile.
I’m still at home - Dad, C & I haven’t destroyed each other yet. Dad continues to be an irritant with his “logical discussions.” I still haven’t found a way to satisfactorily explain the “how” or “why” he’s annoying - he just it. How you put up with his “cheshire cat grin,” batting eyelashes & all, I still don’t know. Yes, he still says he’s so sweet and loveable . . .
No, no boyfriend to report . . I think the boyfriend committees have gone into hiding, so your grandkids aren’t coming anytime soon. Don’t worry, though - you still have D & M. I know they were important to you and I plan on spoiling them in your place. M is going to be in first grade and D is starting kindergarten - what will J do without them during the day? Her house has always been so full of kids!
We held a party for you - a festive one, the kind you liked - at the Masonic Lodge. Eastern Star was there to honor you - that was the extent of the formality. The rest was devoted to eating good food and sharing stories. Everyone had good things to say and I believe the laughter outweighed the tears. The place was packed, Mom - lots of people came out. It was great to see so many lives that you touched!
It was a year of firsts. The first holidays without you - Christmas was the hardest. You loved having the house decorated and the tree up. Pulling out those Hallmark angel ornaments was rough, remembering that tradition I started so long ago. D and M still got their ornaments - I still went to the state fair got them just like you asked. That tradition is staying without a doubt - they will get their annual Christmas ornament from you.
The first thunderstorms of the year came in the spring. You loved listening to those storms and watching the lightening on the porch. March also meant the first birthday without you wishing me a happy birthday, especially since I turned 30 this year. Yes, I know that makes you feel old, but just remember: Dad’s older (and he always will be).
The first days of hot weather came early, but summer brought more of those HOT days that you loved. They were those rare days where the rest of us were sweating up a storm and you were finally, even if only for a few moments, at a comfortable temperature instead of the freezing cold that required the electric blanket and heating pad year-round. My first year of teaching in this new-to-me school ended with the elation of knowing that I would be returning to it in the fall. That elation didn’t last too long, as it morphed into fret and worry over what will happen this school year and whether or not I’ll have a job next year. With my track record, who knows!?
Summer also meant I had a lot of time on my hands since I wasn’t teaching and (you can be proud of me!) I didn’t have a second job to work. For a while, I thought boredom was going to drive me insane before Dad would, but I managed to find ways to cope, both with the boredom and the hot weather - I found lots of places with good air conditioning to keep me cool.
Here we are now, one year later. You are still missed a lot and thought about as well. Those still here are moving one, knowing you would haunt us if we sat around and did nothing, but it’s a little tougher without you as a wife, mother, sister, in-law and friend. There are still so many memories of you out there and I hope I don’t lose them, because they’re all that I have left.
I’ll try my best to keep Dad from driving you further to insanity with Jeopardy, James Bond & sporting events (his “history in the making”) - he says you are now being “civilized.” A little help - maybe come down and haunt him, just saying “N!” in that way that meant I’m irritated and you’re the reason why - wouldn’t be bad, either.
Tonight, J and I are going to the state fair. Kenny Rogers is playing at the Grandstand and we’ll be thinking about you - I remember how much you enjoyed his concert at Grand Casino that you went to for your anniversary present from me one year. Already got the food list ready: pronto pup, cream puff, cheese curds, Hawaiian shaved ice and french fries (extra salt, gotta have ketchup!) just for you. The walleye, though, you’re going to have to get yourself. We’ll be sure to check out all the shops and find some good deals. I’ll find the Christmas ornaments for D and M and make sure to get their names and the year on them for you.
Most of all, Mom, I love you! I never said that enough and I hope you hear me now.
Your daughter
Let the day begin - may it be peaceful for all.
Hi, Mom,
I’ve wanted to write to you for a long time, just to say . . . I don’t know. Just to write. I’ve started, written and re-written this letter a thousand times in my head, but I’ve never finished it. Here goes.
One year ago today, you left the world and went home to your parents. It was a peaceful passing, like you wanted - so different from the pain you struggled with. I know wherever you are, you’re free of the pain and suffering you endured. I picture you sitting with your parents enjoying a good cup of coffee, reminding Andy to be nice and behave himself or you’ll tell his wife when she arrives and being immensely loved by the dogs in your life.
I know you’re watching people, especially your family. You were always more concerned about everyone else than yourself. We’re okay - you are missed in more ways that I can say, but we remind ourselves that you’re free of that enduring pain.
I miss you, Mom, and I know you’re still worrying about me. I’d tell you to stop, but that doesn’t work - you’ll just worry more. When you died, I knew one of your concerns for me would be about my job - starting a new school year at a new school by missing the first day for the students, even for your death, doesn’t exactly put out a good first impression. Even so, the school staff was great in that tense situation - my closest co-workers pulled together to make that first day still successful for my students. They were also good to me and I’m happy to say that I’m back there this year. I’m looking forward to the new year. I enjoy my work, Mom, really enjoy it in ways that I haven’t at the other schools I’ve been at. The staff is fabulous to work with and the students are good kids - even when I’m upset with them, they still make me smile.
I’m still at home - Dad, C & I haven’t destroyed each other yet. Dad continues to be an irritant with his “logical discussions.” I still haven’t found a way to satisfactorily explain the “how” or “why” he’s annoying - he just it. How you put up with his “cheshire cat grin,” batting eyelashes & all, I still don’t know. Yes, he still says he’s so sweet and loveable . . .
No, no boyfriend to report . . I think the boyfriend committees have gone into hiding, so your grandkids aren’t coming anytime soon. Don’t worry, though - you still have D & M. I know they were important to you and I plan on spoiling them in your place. M is going to be in first grade and D is starting kindergarten - what will J do without them during the day? Her house has always been so full of kids!
We held a party for you - a festive one, the kind you liked - at the Masonic Lodge. Eastern Star was there to honor you - that was the extent of the formality. The rest was devoted to eating good food and sharing stories. Everyone had good things to say and I believe the laughter outweighed the tears. The place was packed, Mom - lots of people came out. It was great to see so many lives that you touched!
It was a year of firsts. The first holidays without you - Christmas was the hardest. You loved having the house decorated and the tree up. Pulling out those Hallmark angel ornaments was rough, remembering that tradition I started so long ago. D and M still got their ornaments - I still went to the state fair got them just like you asked. That tradition is staying without a doubt - they will get their annual Christmas ornament from you.
The first thunderstorms of the year came in the spring. You loved listening to those storms and watching the lightening on the porch. March also meant the first birthday without you wishing me a happy birthday, especially since I turned 30 this year. Yes, I know that makes you feel old, but just remember: Dad’s older (and he always will be).
The first days of hot weather came early, but summer brought more of those HOT days that you loved. They were those rare days where the rest of us were sweating up a storm and you were finally, even if only for a few moments, at a comfortable temperature instead of the freezing cold that required the electric blanket and heating pad year-round. My first year of teaching in this new-to-me school ended with the elation of knowing that I would be returning to it in the fall. That elation didn’t last too long, as it morphed into fret and worry over what will happen this school year and whether or not I’ll have a job next year. With my track record, who knows!?
Summer also meant I had a lot of time on my hands since I wasn’t teaching and (you can be proud of me!) I didn’t have a second job to work. For a while, I thought boredom was going to drive me insane before Dad would, but I managed to find ways to cope, both with the boredom and the hot weather - I found lots of places with good air conditioning to keep me cool.
Here we are now, one year later. You are still missed a lot and thought about as well. Those still here are moving one, knowing you would haunt us if we sat around and did nothing, but it’s a little tougher without you as a wife, mother, sister, in-law and friend. There are still so many memories of you out there and I hope I don’t lose them, because they’re all that I have left.
I’ll try my best to keep Dad from driving you further to insanity with Jeopardy, James Bond & sporting events (his “history in the making”) - he says you are now being “civilized.” A little help - maybe come down and haunt him, just saying “N!” in that way that meant I’m irritated and you’re the reason why - wouldn’t be bad, either.
Tonight, J and I are going to the state fair. Kenny Rogers is playing at the Grandstand and we’ll be thinking about you - I remember how much you enjoyed his concert at Grand Casino that you went to for your anniversary present from me one year. Already got the food list ready: pronto pup, cream puff, cheese curds, Hawaiian shaved ice and french fries (extra salt, gotta have ketchup!) just for you. The walleye, though, you’re going to have to get yourself. We’ll be sure to check out all the shops and find some good deals. I’ll find the Christmas ornaments for D and M and make sure to get their names and the year on them for you.
Most of all, Mom, I love you! I never said that enough and I hope you hear me now.
Your daughter
Let the day begin - may it be peaceful for all.