A Moment of Remembrance
Hi, Mom,
Eleven years have passed. Every year is a passage of time filled with experiences that you are not here to share in. Yes, life has moved on for all of us still here, but not without a thought or two of you somewhere along the line.
Dad is truly a grandpa and I daresay loving every minute of it. Every time he talks about his granddaughters, I can picture that bright, beaming smile - not the Cheshire-cat one that meant a ‘logical discussion’ was next and bringing all sorts of frustration and aggravation with it - and hear the sheer joy and happiness in his voice. Being grandpa, of course, means he does have to spoil them with Tootsie Rolls, much to the amusement and exasperation of my brother.
Your granddaughters are growing up into wonderful young ladies, ones that I have no doubt you would be smiling and boasting about just as a grandma would. I’ve done what I can for spoiling them in your place as well as just me for being Auntie and am always looking for those opportunities for more. They, along with another ‘niece’ I’ve gained from a friend in Tennessee, love the Raggedy Ann dolls and clothes that I’ve made over the last year. That ongoing project has only increased my appreciation for your work all those years ago doing the same for me - making the dolls and all the clothes. (I expect the Cabbage Patch doll clothes will be next - I have those patterns, too.)
I won’t lie - it does hurt to know your granddaughters will never have the experience of being with you, of having your love and affection as everyone else who knew you did. Memories, stories and pictures, while powerful on their own, just aren’t the same. My scrapbook with all of my favorite photos of you is with the rest of my stuff in Minnesota, an unfortunate casualty of having limited space for ‘stuff’ as I’ve moved from place to place - eventually, it will join me and I’ll set up a place of my own. Until then, I’ll see a beautiful purple flower and think of the lilacs you loved and those lilac bushes in the backyard. I’ll see a bouquet of fresh flowers or a dozen roses and remember making you smile when I’d surprise you with them. I’ll hear a Beach Boys song and remember going to their concert at the state fair. I’ll hear a Kenny Rogers song and think of how you smiled remembering the concert you and Dad went to one year as my anniversary present for both of you. I’ll watch the rain come down and think about those times sitting on the porch, watching the thunderstorms. I’ll pass by a corn dog or mini-donut stand at some outdoor festival and think of all those visits to the state fair for a pronto pup, French fries, cream puff and homemade potato chips.
There’s no Caribou Coffee around here for me to get a coffee cooler to enjoy in your memory, so I’ll make do with a similar drink from Starbucks and think of you, remembering your love and your life, hoping that, as your daughter, I still make you proud.
I still miss you and I still love you and I thank you for being Mom.
Link to last year’s letter: http://marauderswolf.livejournal.com/147210.html