who i am, or wish i was?
i am very indecisive in almost everything i do. i need someone else's seal of approval before i can confidently carry out any sort of task. or, in some cases, someones disproval. just an acknowledgement.
i guess, most would say that makes me highly self conscious and dependant. i will go to most any length to try and prove to myself this isn't true. even if i know it is a hopeless task.
i would die without my friends. quite literally. they are who i live for. they are my purpose in life. without them, i am left empty, and try and fill their space with pointless tasks, such as eating lots. which i then feel guilty for.
i hate the thought of not being able to help people. especially tash and alyce, becuase i know what it is like to be thrown into the middle of nowhere, and have no one know you, and feel like no ones listening. i know how it feels to see people stare at you, and to know that they have just been talking about you.
Issac is an idiot, and deserved every single word of that lecture that the guy said to him about calling people emo when he has no freakin idea what the word even means. I AM NOT YOURS TO JUDGE, NOR TO LABEL. i am not yours full stop.
i am in love with a boy who...
i don't regret anything i have ever done. everything i have done has made me who i am today. perhaps i could have done things differently, but i wont take it back.
i am scared for dani...
if i was a boy, i'd marry nat. and i have told her so. she is awesome. i don't know what i would do without her.
my dad is invincable. he will never die. i will die before he does, epsecially if it is for him. if he dies before me, my whole belief system will come crashing down, because i believe with all my heart that he is beyond this world, and nothing can hurt him. he will just get back up and keep swinging. the day he dies, my spirit dies. it scares me to think that. becuase i would hate him to know that i am that weak.
i would like to think a lot of people would read this blog. because i like feeling loved. i like attention. i can admit it. a lot probably wont though.
i have a complex about being an individual. trying so hard to be myself has made me just like everyone else.
i guess, most would say that makes me highly self conscious and dependant. i will go to most any length to try and prove to myself this isn't true. even if i know it is a hopeless task.
i would die without my friends. quite literally. they are who i live for. they are my purpose in life. without them, i am left empty, and try and fill their space with pointless tasks, such as eating lots. which i then feel guilty for.
i hate the thought of not being able to help people. especially tash and alyce, becuase i know what it is like to be thrown into the middle of nowhere, and have no one know you, and feel like no ones listening. i know how it feels to see people stare at you, and to know that they have just been talking about you.
Issac is an idiot, and deserved every single word of that lecture that the guy said to him about calling people emo when he has no freakin idea what the word even means. I AM NOT YOURS TO JUDGE, NOR TO LABEL. i am not yours full stop.
i am in love with a boy who...
i don't regret anything i have ever done. everything i have done has made me who i am today. perhaps i could have done things differently, but i wont take it back.
i am scared for dani...
if i was a boy, i'd marry nat. and i have told her so. she is awesome. i don't know what i would do without her.
my dad is invincable. he will never die. i will die before he does, epsecially if it is for him. if he dies before me, my whole belief system will come crashing down, because i believe with all my heart that he is beyond this world, and nothing can hurt him. he will just get back up and keep swinging. the day he dies, my spirit dies. it scares me to think that. becuase i would hate him to know that i am that weak.
i would like to think a lot of people would read this blog. because i like feeling loved. i like attention. i can admit it. a lot probably wont though.
i have a complex about being an individual. trying so hard to be myself has made me just like everyone else.