I'm slightly more coherent today. But not by much.
So, a slightly more in-depth review of the End of Time, part II. Or, as I prefer to think of it, the Doctor/Master saga, part eight hundred and fifty billion.
The slash in this was so ridiculously off the scale. Which means I tend to be pretty forgiving of more minor details, like, you know, plot. (Which is a good thing, cuz... there wasn't much of one.)
"The Enmity of the Ages, which would suggest..."
"The Doctor. And the Master."
I love how they just know, immediately, that it's the Doctor and the Master. God, just how epic is your break-up when the whole entire fucking planet knows about it?
But let's get straight to the point, shall we? BONDAGE.
THIS EPISODE HAS ALREADY EARNED AN A++++++++ IN MY BOOK.
"Hush! Listen to your Master!"
Okay, I promise this post won't just be me perving over John Simm. I may possibly be lying, though.
"Oh, he loves playing with Earth girls."
The way he says it. No, not jealous at all then, Master?
OH DONNA DONNA DONNA.
Shame that's, like, all you get to do this episode.
WINK.
I LOVE IT. It's so on the same lines as stopping in the middle of a swordfight to steal the Master's sandwich. OH DOCTOR, ILU. NEVER CHANGE.
And then, and then, so much epic slash I can't even. Everyone's been quoting this bit since it was released as a promo, and I DON'T CARE, it's getting quoted again.
Master: Tell me. Where's your TARDIS?
Doctor: You could be so wonderful.
Master: Where is it?
Doctor: You are a genius. You are stone cold brilliant, you are. I swear, you really are.
But you could be so much more. You could be beautiful. With a mind like that, we could travel the stars. It would be my honour. 'Cos you don't need to own the universe, just see it! I have the privilege of seeing the whole of time and space. That's ownership enough."
Master: Would it stop, then? The noise in my head?
Doctor: I can help.
Master: Don't know what I'd be without that noise.
Doctor: Wonder what I'd be, without you.
Master: Yeah.
Oh. Oh. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO GAY MARRIED IN SPACE. There's a moment here, just a moment, where I can almost believe that the Doctor could talk the Master into abandoning his plans and going with him. Just the tiniest fraction of a moment, but it's there.
Or maybe he would just be like, "Fuck you, Doctor, I still haven't forgiven you for proposing in this exact same fashion only to have it be a trick to try to imprison me a in time loop with the Axons. Bitch." Yeah, probably that, but when Wilf interrupted their moment of tenderness and slash, I think I had the same expression as the Master here:
Oh, poor baby Koschei.
The Time Lords fucked you over good, didn't they?
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN GAY MARRIED IN SPACE WITH THE DOCTOR ALL THESE YEARS.
FUCK YOU, RASSILON.
Um. This cap included without comment:
"Let's find it, you and me."
OH GOD, THAT'S THE AU I WANT, RIGHT THERE.
"Where's the TARDIS?"
(THE TARDIS? Should that be your TARDIS? Oh well, we already know that Master/Doctor's TARDIS is canon, I guess she is the only one for him.)
For some reason, I think UNIT!Master is possibly the hottest of them all.
OH, HELLO. NECK.
See, not just perving over John Simm.
OH SHIT, IT'S MYSTERIOUS TIME LADY PERSON AGAIN.
"I was lost, so very long ago."
WHO ARE YOU, THEN? And how are you projecting yourself from inside the Time Bubble? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
But, meanwhile, let's get back to the slash, because next there's this bit:
Wilf: If the Master dies, what happens to all the people?
Doctor: I dunno
Wilf: Doctor? What happens?
Doctor: The template snaps.
Wilf: They go back to being human? They're alive? And human? Then don't you dare, sir. Don't you dare put him before them.
HUMANS OR THE MASTER, DOCTOR, WHICH WILL IT BE?
AND HE CAN'T DO IT.
*flails around wildly*
I just like this cap of the Master standing in the center of the diamond/star there.
OH FUCK, IT'S GALLIFREY.
IT'S ON, BITCHES.
How much do I love that he refuses to take up arms against the Master, but the Time Lords? NO PROBLEM. Renegades stand together, yo.
Um. Yeah.
Wilf: I've heard you talk about your people like they're wonderful
Doctor: That's how I choose to remember them.
Oh, come on, Doctor, you never liked them. Remember that time they exiled you? After KILLING you? Yeah.
Hello again UNIT!Master.
Then there was the missile chase bit, which, personally, I think could've been seriously improved with the addition of hoverboats.
Aaand, it went on nearly as long as a Pertwee hoverboat chase. Weirdly, this is the bit of the episode that bothers me the most. Missiles, Master, really? I think I've just watched Frontier in Space too many times, with that bit where Delgado!Master is all, "Rocket fire at long range? I don't know, somehow it lacks that personal touch."
Looks like someone's about to end up on the wrong end of Rassilon's rod.
"My Lord Doctor. My Lord Master."
FOR SOME REASON THIS IS TOTALLY THE HOTTEST MOMENT OF THE EPISODE. WITH HIM SAYING THEIR TITLES. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW EITHER.
"Hey, no, hey! That's mine! Hush!"
It took me, like, three times watching this scene before I got that he was referring to getting to reveal his evol plan and gloating over it. Oh Master, ILU. Don't ever change.
So pretty, this cap, with the Doctor at the center of the star.
This cap is here because Simm!Master in that pink dress is never not hilarious.
See what I mean?
"The approach begins!"
"The approach of WHAT?"
I love how he immediately looks to the Doctor here for an explanation. I was watching Colony in Space the other day (well, episode 6, because that's the non-boring part) and shit would happen and Delgado!Master would look to the Doctor to explain what was going on. At the time I was like WTF, Master, do you really need the Doctor to exposition for you? But I also like it. Shit goes all to hell, who does he look to?
Included because the Master is on his knees. Did you think I'd pass up a chance make a reference to THE TIME MONSTER?!?
AND THIS IS WHERE I STARTED FLAILING PRETTY MUCH CONTINUOUSLY FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE.
THE DOCTOR. PROTECTING THE MASTER. AKSFJAKL:JFKL:DJG:LKSFJG:SGKJ:
"Kill him and GALLIFREY could be yours!"
LOVE him here. Oh man. I know he's being all wonderfully Delgado-like and playing both sides at once, but it is also so so Delgado!Master-like to be urging the Doctor to seize power. (Oh yes, Colony in Space again. The only thing better than ruling the universe is ruling the universe with the Doctor.)
OH. OH WAIT. OH FUCK.
"You never would, you coward."
That line is ridiculously beautiful and all, but, uhhhh, Master? I know we were all pretty distracted by Turlough's short shorts during Planet of Fire, but I would've thought you'd remember, you know, the Doctor burning you to death in a column of volcanic gases. I mean, I know it didn't take, obviously, but still.
Oh. I think he remembered.
FUCK. YEAH.
OH BUT IT'S HER.
TENNNNNNNNNN. I'M GOING TO MISS YOUR ANGSTY FACE AFTER ALL, I REALLY AM.
I didn't notice until capping this the tears running down her face. *loves her, whoever she is*
AND OH FUCK ME AGAIN.
I AM BROKEN.
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
AKLAJDGKL:SJGKLJSGKL:SFJGKL:SFJG:SLGJ;
THAT SMILE.
OH SHIT, RASSILON.
WAIT. WTF. RASSILON!?
AND THEN. AND THEN. "GET OUT OF THE WAY."
THAT IS THE MASTER, SAVING THE DOCTOR'S LIFE. And getting revenge on Rassilon, but also SAVING THE DOCTOR'S LIFE.
FUCK. YEAH.
So the Master disappears along with the Time Lords. I'm not worried. No one's better at not dying than the Master. (If he did get sucked back into the time bubble, he can always run off and fobwatch himself again, right? NO WORRIES.)
Aaaaaaand, then Ten took approximately an hour and a half to die. (At least it was shorter than Five's, I guess, who took, like, three and a half episodes.) For the purposes of this post, we'll just skip ahead to end. Right after this cap of Ten looking angsty and gorgeous.
Quick recap:
Martha/Mickey WTF. (But they were ridiculously smoking hot, though, both of them.) LUKE ILU. LOL JACK/WHAT'S HIS FACE. VERITY NEWMAN <3<3<3<3<3 AND DONNA GETS MARRIED OFF.
Oh, wait, I forgot I have to cap this part, which someone pointed out to me.
"There's one thing you never told me. That woman, who was she?"
And Ten looks over...
At Wilf's granddaughter.
That clinches it for me. I was betting on Romana, but I'm convinced now it was Susan. WHICH MAKES IT EVEN MORE ANGSTFUL, OMG.
Finally, after more angsting and going to visit Jackie, we get:
ELEVEN.
OH, ELEVEN, HOW AM I ALREADY SO IN LOVE WITH YOU?
BECAUSE YOU'RE TOTALLY ADORABLE, THAT'S WHY.
I always said I was easy like that.
The slash in this was so ridiculously off the scale. Which means I tend to be pretty forgiving of more minor details, like, you know, plot. (Which is a good thing, cuz... there wasn't much of one.)
"The Enmity of the Ages, which would suggest..."
"The Doctor. And the Master."
I love how they just know, immediately, that it's the Doctor and the Master. God, just how epic is your break-up when the whole entire fucking planet knows about it?
But let's get straight to the point, shall we? BONDAGE.
THIS EPISODE HAS ALREADY EARNED AN A++++++++ IN MY BOOK.
"Hush! Listen to your Master!"
Okay, I promise this post won't just be me perving over John Simm. I may possibly be lying, though.
"Oh, he loves playing with Earth girls."
The way he says it. No, not jealous at all then, Master?
OH DONNA DONNA DONNA.
Shame that's, like, all you get to do this episode.
WINK.
I LOVE IT. It's so on the same lines as stopping in the middle of a swordfight to steal the Master's sandwich. OH DOCTOR, ILU. NEVER CHANGE.
And then, and then, so much epic slash I can't even. Everyone's been quoting this bit since it was released as a promo, and I DON'T CARE, it's getting quoted again.
Master: Tell me. Where's your TARDIS?
Doctor: You could be so wonderful.
Master: Where is it?
Doctor: You are a genius. You are stone cold brilliant, you are. I swear, you really are.
But you could be so much more. You could be beautiful. With a mind like that, we could travel the stars. It would be my honour. 'Cos you don't need to own the universe, just see it! I have the privilege of seeing the whole of time and space. That's ownership enough."
Master: Would it stop, then? The noise in my head?
Doctor: I can help.
Master: Don't know what I'd be without that noise.
Doctor: Wonder what I'd be, without you.
Master: Yeah.
Oh. Oh. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO GAY MARRIED IN SPACE. There's a moment here, just a moment, where I can almost believe that the Doctor could talk the Master into abandoning his plans and going with him. Just the tiniest fraction of a moment, but it's there.
Or maybe he would just be like, "Fuck you, Doctor, I still haven't forgiven you for proposing in this exact same fashion only to have it be a trick to try to imprison me a in time loop with the Axons. Bitch." Yeah, probably that, but when Wilf interrupted their moment of tenderness and slash, I think I had the same expression as the Master here:
Oh, poor baby Koschei.
The Time Lords fucked you over good, didn't they?
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN GAY MARRIED IN SPACE WITH THE DOCTOR ALL THESE YEARS.
FUCK YOU, RASSILON.
Um. This cap included without comment:
"Let's find it, you and me."
OH GOD, THAT'S THE AU I WANT, RIGHT THERE.
"Where's the TARDIS?"
(THE TARDIS? Should that be your TARDIS? Oh well, we already know that Master/Doctor's TARDIS is canon, I guess she is the only one for him.)
For some reason, I think UNIT!Master is possibly the hottest of them all.
OH, HELLO. NECK.
See, not just perving over John Simm.
OH SHIT, IT'S MYSTERIOUS TIME LADY PERSON AGAIN.
"I was lost, so very long ago."
WHO ARE YOU, THEN? And how are you projecting yourself from inside the Time Bubble? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
But, meanwhile, let's get back to the slash, because next there's this bit:
Wilf: If the Master dies, what happens to all the people?
Doctor: I dunno
Wilf: Doctor? What happens?
Doctor: The template snaps.
Wilf: They go back to being human? They're alive? And human? Then don't you dare, sir. Don't you dare put him before them.
HUMANS OR THE MASTER, DOCTOR, WHICH WILL IT BE?
AND HE CAN'T DO IT.
*flails around wildly*
I just like this cap of the Master standing in the center of the diamond/star there.
OH FUCK, IT'S GALLIFREY.
IT'S ON, BITCHES.
How much do I love that he refuses to take up arms against the Master, but the Time Lords? NO PROBLEM. Renegades stand together, yo.
Um. Yeah.
Wilf: I've heard you talk about your people like they're wonderful
Doctor: That's how I choose to remember them.
Oh, come on, Doctor, you never liked them. Remember that time they exiled you? After KILLING you? Yeah.
Hello again UNIT!Master.
Then there was the missile chase bit, which, personally, I think could've been seriously improved with the addition of hoverboats.
Aaand, it went on nearly as long as a Pertwee hoverboat chase. Weirdly, this is the bit of the episode that bothers me the most. Missiles, Master, really? I think I've just watched Frontier in Space too many times, with that bit where Delgado!Master is all, "Rocket fire at long range? I don't know, somehow it lacks that personal touch."
Looks like someone's about to end up on the wrong end of Rassilon's rod.
"My Lord Doctor. My Lord Master."
FOR SOME REASON THIS IS TOTALLY THE HOTTEST MOMENT OF THE EPISODE. WITH HIM SAYING THEIR TITLES. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW EITHER.
"Hey, no, hey! That's mine! Hush!"
It took me, like, three times watching this scene before I got that he was referring to getting to reveal his evol plan and gloating over it. Oh Master, ILU. Don't ever change.
So pretty, this cap, with the Doctor at the center of the star.
This cap is here because Simm!Master in that pink dress is never not hilarious.
See what I mean?
"The approach begins!"
"The approach of WHAT?"
I love how he immediately looks to the Doctor here for an explanation. I was watching Colony in Space the other day (well, episode 6, because that's the non-boring part) and shit would happen and Delgado!Master would look to the Doctor to explain what was going on. At the time I was like WTF, Master, do you really need the Doctor to exposition for you? But I also like it. Shit goes all to hell, who does he look to?
Included because the Master is on his knees. Did you think I'd pass up a chance make a reference to THE TIME MONSTER?!?
AND THIS IS WHERE I STARTED FLAILING PRETTY MUCH CONTINUOUSLY FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE.
THE DOCTOR. PROTECTING THE MASTER. AKSFJAKL:JFKL:DJG:LKSFJG:SGKJ:
"Kill him and GALLIFREY could be yours!"
LOVE him here. Oh man. I know he's being all wonderfully Delgado-like and playing both sides at once, but it is also so so Delgado!Master-like to be urging the Doctor to seize power. (Oh yes, Colony in Space again. The only thing better than ruling the universe is ruling the universe with the Doctor.)
OH. OH WAIT. OH FUCK.
"You never would, you coward."
That line is ridiculously beautiful and all, but, uhhhh, Master? I know we were all pretty distracted by Turlough's short shorts during Planet of Fire, but I would've thought you'd remember, you know, the Doctor burning you to death in a column of volcanic gases. I mean, I know it didn't take, obviously, but still.
Oh. I think he remembered.
FUCK. YEAH.
OH BUT IT'S HER.
TENNNNNNNNNN. I'M GOING TO MISS YOUR ANGSTY FACE AFTER ALL, I REALLY AM.
I didn't notice until capping this the tears running down her face. *loves her, whoever she is*
AND OH FUCK ME AGAIN.
I AM BROKEN.
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
AKLAJDGKL:SJGKLJSGKL:SFJGKL:SFJG:SLGJ;
THAT SMILE.
OH SHIT, RASSILON.
WAIT. WTF. RASSILON!?
AND THEN. AND THEN. "GET OUT OF THE WAY."
THAT IS THE MASTER, SAVING THE DOCTOR'S LIFE. And getting revenge on Rassilon, but also SAVING THE DOCTOR'S LIFE.
FUCK. YEAH.
So the Master disappears along with the Time Lords. I'm not worried. No one's better at not dying than the Master. (If he did get sucked back into the time bubble, he can always run off and fobwatch himself again, right? NO WORRIES.)
Aaaaaaand, then Ten took approximately an hour and a half to die. (At least it was shorter than Five's, I guess, who took, like, three and a half episodes.) For the purposes of this post, we'll just skip ahead to end. Right after this cap of Ten looking angsty and gorgeous.
Quick recap:
Martha/Mickey WTF. (But they were ridiculously smoking hot, though, both of them.) LUKE ILU. LOL JACK/WHAT'S HIS FACE. VERITY NEWMAN <3<3<3<3<3 AND DONNA GETS MARRIED OFF.
Oh, wait, I forgot I have to cap this part, which someone pointed out to me.
"There's one thing you never told me. That woman, who was she?"
And Ten looks over...
At Wilf's granddaughter.
That clinches it for me. I was betting on Romana, but I'm convinced now it was Susan. WHICH MAKES IT EVEN MORE ANGSTFUL, OMG.
Finally, after more angsting and going to visit Jackie, we get:
ELEVEN.
OH, ELEVEN, HOW AM I ALREADY SO IN LOVE WITH YOU?
BECAUSE YOU'RE TOTALLY ADORABLE, THAT'S WHY.
I always said I was easy like that.