(no subject)
I was chatting with ralkanalast night and she noticed she'd had a year in the past ten where she hadn't posted any fic. I'm the curious sort, and so I went thru my fic on my website and found that I hadn't posted any fic in 2009 and 2011. That was depressing. Seriously depressing.
I know I wrote fic in both of those years, I have plenty of files on my laptop as proof. But nothing was posted, not a single freaking word. All I can think is that one, I didn't realize it at the time, and two, that life was throwing some crap at me that kept me from posting. I know there was Mom's breast cancer surgery and Codi's broken arm and PTSD from the tornado in 2011 -- easy to see why I wasn't concerned about fic. But for 2009? No clue.
The one thing I can really blame, and it's my own fault, is that I haven't been able to find anyone to beta my fic. ralkana has been my beta for so many years, and she's top notch, that it's hard to find anyone that I think would be able to measure up. And she's had a lot going on, including not having a laptop or way to edit for awhile now, and not been able to beta for me. I understand she has this life she keeps talking about... I dunno... it's really unfair to me... ;) (heavy on the sarcasm there).
I'm not confident in my own ability to edit my fic, and I would die if a plot hole or massive typos got by me. I have nightmares where I walk into a classroom and there's a test going on and I'm late and I'm naked and my participles are dangling! And so fic just sits and waits until she has both the time and a computer to help.
Another crazy thing, I can't seem to keep anyone else as a beta. They read thru once and then go *poof*. Srsly, not joking here. I did have one person who made it thru three chapters of a fic and then never answered another email. Which makes me wonder if my fic is bad -- and I kinda think it's not but you know how fragile a writer's ego can be -- or if it needs so much editing that they don't want to do that much work.
So.... I'm just venting here. I'm feeling more depressed than I should be over this. I mean it's fic and not RL for god's sake. But... sigh.... I feel like slashing my wrists in a really well written scene, you know?
I know I wrote fic in both of those years, I have plenty of files on my laptop as proof. But nothing was posted, not a single freaking word. All I can think is that one, I didn't realize it at the time, and two, that life was throwing some crap at me that kept me from posting. I know there was Mom's breast cancer surgery and Codi's broken arm and PTSD from the tornado in 2011 -- easy to see why I wasn't concerned about fic. But for 2009? No clue.
The one thing I can really blame, and it's my own fault, is that I haven't been able to find anyone to beta my fic. ralkana has been my beta for so many years, and she's top notch, that it's hard to find anyone that I think would be able to measure up. And she's had a lot going on, including not having a laptop or way to edit for awhile now, and not been able to beta for me. I understand she has this life she keeps talking about... I dunno... it's really unfair to me... ;) (heavy on the sarcasm there).
I'm not confident in my own ability to edit my fic, and I would die if a plot hole or massive typos got by me. I have nightmares where I walk into a classroom and there's a test going on and I'm late and I'm naked and my participles are dangling! And so fic just sits and waits until she has both the time and a computer to help.
Another crazy thing, I can't seem to keep anyone else as a beta. They read thru once and then go *poof*. Srsly, not joking here. I did have one person who made it thru three chapters of a fic and then never answered another email. Which makes me wonder if my fic is bad -- and I kinda think it's not but you know how fragile a writer's ego can be -- or if it needs so much editing that they don't want to do that much work.
So.... I'm just venting here. I'm feeling more depressed than I should be over this. I mean it's fic and not RL for god's sake. But... sigh.... I feel like slashing my wrists in a really well written scene, you know?