you can check out any time you like... but you can never leave
_____ is in the hospital again. I won't elaborate because her reasons are her own. She's getting ECT for 2 weeks starting tomorrow morning. This scares the hell out of me. I'm not about to invalidate her choice; she asked them to do it (no suggestions, etc.), it's her body, and she feels like it's a last resort. To someone with a seizure disorder, asking to have induced seizures is ridiculous. I can't fathom it. But it's not my choice. I've been biting my tongue about the side-effects. They told her she may have memory loss; she hopes she loses her memory because maybe that will make her forget some sadness. That's not how it works, but... And I had to keep biting my tongue about Aunt LaVerne, who was so screwed up by ECT that the family ostracized her for 40 years. I keep telling myself that it has to be different now, that medical science has advanced. The truth is that doctors still don't understand depression and mood disorders and brain mapping is relatively new. I'm so afraid for her. I certainly don't feel good right now, and I don't want to feel like she does, but I'd trade with her in a second. idk, I'm masochistic like that.
The nurses are apparently being v invalidating. "You're not going to groups, so you must not want to get better" is something _____ keeps hearing. Um, if she didn't want to get better, she'd have sliced herself to shreds, killed herself, and never come looking for a bed. It's frustrating how they treat you on the ward. You're either handled with kid gloves or forced to do things that make you uncomfortable because they'll theoretically make you "better".
Honestly, I don't think there's a "better" for psych disorders. We're treatable and can be in remission, but that illness is always in our DNA, waiting for a trigger- or just biding its time and waiting for nothing. It's part of us, but it doesn't define us. I'm always going to have this, that, and the other, but some days will be good and some (read: most =/ ) will be bad. I've never met a person with a mental illness who has been "cured".
Anywho, I'm not in a bad mood or anything. I'm just afraid for my dear friend. But it's her body, her choice. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed and hope I don't have another panic attack.
Oh, and to the person who commented and then deleted their comment before I could read it- it's very difficult to make me angry, especially online. Comment away!
The nurses are apparently being v invalidating. "You're not going to groups, so you must not want to get better" is something _____ keeps hearing. Um, if she didn't want to get better, she'd have sliced herself to shreds, killed herself, and never come looking for a bed. It's frustrating how they treat you on the ward. You're either handled with kid gloves or forced to do things that make you uncomfortable because they'll theoretically make you "better".
Honestly, I don't think there's a "better" for psych disorders. We're treatable and can be in remission, but that illness is always in our DNA, waiting for a trigger- or just biding its time and waiting for nothing. It's part of us, but it doesn't define us. I'm always going to have this, that, and the other, but some days will be good and some (read: most =/ ) will be bad. I've never met a person with a mental illness who has been "cured".
Anywho, I'm not in a bad mood or anything. I'm just afraid for my dear friend. But it's her body, her choice. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed and hope I don't have another panic attack.
Oh, and to the person who commented and then deleted their comment before I could read it- it's very difficult to make me angry, especially online. Comment away!