Sapphire and Faded Jeans
Title: Sapphire and Faded Jeans
Rating: PG
Pairing: Blaine/Santana [friendship], Blaine/Kurt, Santana/Brittany
Spoilers: none, unless you’ve not seen more than the pilot….
Summary: “Hey Blanderson, still moping over your boy toy? I’d tell you to get a grip but your level of moping seems to have a direct correlation with the amount of hair gel you use, so I figure your drowning in self pity is doing wonders for your carbon footprint.”
A/N: I’m tagging this as part of the 'Dream on, Dreamer' 'verse because it just feels like it fits. Its’ the Blaine/Santana friendship and how I see the dynamics of it working [I don’t really know why but I ship this friendship so hard!]
Also, I don’t know much about these two outside of what we’ve seen on the show so please put any inaccuracies down to artistic license. Or something.
Title stolen from Corinne Bailey Rae. This is Blaine and Santana's theme tune in my head…
Everyone always says you shouldn’t have a favourite, that parents shouldn’t favour one child over another, teachers shouldn’t favour a particular student, that you shouldn’t like that brother more than you like that sister. That the greatest love should be equal and unconditional.
Everyone says it, but at the same time nobody really believes it; everyone finds out sooner or later that it is impossible to love everybody equally, that there is always going to be somebody who makes your heart expand that little bit more.
People often tell Blaine that he is the favourite.
He hadn’t always been the favourite at school, unless you counted being the favourite target and Blaine didn’t; there was nothing notable in being the kid most other kids chose to try and disembowel on a daily basis but once he’d been discharged from hospital [where his natural charm and good manners rendered him the favourite with the nurses] he relatively quickly became the favourite at Dalton; he was always the top of his classes, quickly becoming lead vocalist for the Warblers, shining and excelling at everything he did.
He was the poster boy for all that was good about that navy blue blazer: Blaine Anderson, Dalton Academy’s golden boy.
Even Kurt thought that Dalton, and in particular The Warblers suffered from a nasty bout of favouritism, getting antsy and biting out Blaine and the Pips in that tone that was ‘coming from a place of caring, Blaine’ but managing at the same time to be cutting in the way that only Kurt could and that had stung because it wasn’t like Blaine had never asked for any of it. He wanted it, sure, but it hadn’t been handed to him on a plate: he’d worked hard and sung hard and he’d had to audition just like everybody else and the Warblers had a council, it was all so fair, except maybe it had only seemed fair to Blaine because he was the one allowed to shine.
Then, he’d fallen in love with Kurt, without even realising it and had realised quite quickly with a stomach churning certainty that he couldn’t even function without having this beautiful, talented, intelligent boy by his side. Following Kurt had never been a choice, really, but a necessity and so from the top of the ladder at Dalton, Blaine had become the new boy at McKinley. The new gay boy at the same school where Kurt had been tossed into dumpsters for as long as he could remember but where Blaine wore his bow-ties and let his boyfriend give him flowers; where he danced and sang with the Cheerio’s on his very first day and stole the spotlight in Glee Club from under Finn Hudson’s nose without even really meaning too; where he got the lead in the school musical even though he wasn’t even a senior; where Mr Shue’s eyes seemed to light up every time he opened his mouth like Blaine was his key to success and where he never got slushied (at school) even once.
Blaine’s enthusiasm was infectious and even the people that wanted to hate him all eventually found themselves all but captivated by the boy with the bow-ties and the smile and the voice because Blaine was different somehow to anybody else they had ever met and without really knowing it, McKinley needed that change.
At home Blaine was the youngest child, youngest by a long stretch; the ‘happy accident,’ and each of his siblings had pronounced him pretty much from birth as the favourite of their parents, steadfast in the belief that Mom and Dad love Blaine more.
Blaine thinks that’s shit.
If his parents were different with him when he was younger it’s because that’s what he was: younger and there is no way he can ever be considered the favourite. It’s always been obvious to Blaine that his sister is his Father’s favourite and his brother his Mom’s and Blaine just arrived late and hovered on the periphery and never quite fit in and he never cared, never expected more from them than the love they gave.
Now?
Well, what Blaine is now is a disappointment. The son that shunned Dalton Academy and the dreams his parents had for him that nestled within it’s overly grand walls in favour of McKinley and his own dreams and the boy he loved. And therein lies the biggest issue because Blaine’s sexuality is something that is noted but never acknowledged but that doesn’t mean that Blaine can’t sometimes taste his parents disappointment, bitter in the back of his mouth.
If the Anderson family had a black sheep he told Santana once, then Blaine would be it.
Santana.
There is just something about Santana that has gotten under Blaine’s skin. Apart from Kurt [and Kurt is Kurt and Blaine can’t really count him because he is on a whole other level altogether. Kurt is what Blaine thinks about when he thinks about love. Kurt, tasting like coffee, feeling like forever, holding Blaine so tightly that he forgets sometimes to care about anything but them and residing on a pedestal that nobody else can ever reach, no matter how they scramble] Blaine has never had a favourite.
His brother and sister are so much older than him and so different to both him and each other that it has always been impossible for him to single one of them out as ‘more loveable’ than the others. He adores them both, equally.
The same goes for his friends, they were a group at Dalton, friends as a collective rather than one on one and Blaine has never been lonely but neither has there ever been one person that he would single out as more. At McKinley he was the new kid so friendships and relationships were already established by the time he Tom Jones’d his way on to the scene, but Blaine didn’t mind because people were friendly, for the most part at least, and he had Kurt and he didn’t really need much else.
Until Santana.
Perhaps it’s because he shouldn’t like her that Blaine likes her so much, after all everybody knows there is a certain appeal in the forbidden. Perhaps it’s because she has been ostracised by the people she loves the most making her more of a black sheep than he will ever be, grabbing the title with both hands and staunchly refusing to give it back. Perhaps it’s pity. Perhaps it’s because she intrigues him, this girl who is all sharp corners and rough lines and words that cut so deep they leave scars or perhaps it’s just because Santana is so different to the rest of them, and because on some level he can relate to her.
Blaine doesn’t know why when he has a whole brood of friends calling and texting and trying, desperate to be allowed in, the only person he actually wants to see is the one person who will have not a single word of comfort, who will actually probably try to make him feel worse, he just knows that every day she pokes her head through the door with a disdainful look and a ‘hey Blanderson, still moping over your boy toy? I’d tell you to get a grip but your level of moping seems to have a direct correlation with the amount of hair gel you use, so I figure your drowning in self pity is doing wonders for your carbon footprint,’ and it makes the cloud of gloom that has settled over him since Kurt left for New York lift a little.
So he chooses not to analyse and to just accept.
He likes that with Santana it’s easy, with Santana he can just be because Santana has no expectations. He doesn’t have to mask the pain because he doesn’t feel the need to shield her from it, and he doesn’t need to pretend he doesn’t miss Kurt so badly it’s eating him from the inside out because he knows she won’t make a fuss or offer platitudes that make him want to punch something.
She doesn’t pretend to understand and she doesn’t ask him continually if he’s okay. She doesn’t ask him ever if he’s okay and she is as snide and as cruel to him as she has ever been yet when she kicks off her shoes, lies beside him on the bed and hands him one of her earphones it all feels a little easier.
***
Santana Lopez has never been the favourite and has never had a favourite.
She can’t favour her mother, who lied to her throughout her entire life and who was so rarely there when Santana cried that one day she just stopped crying. But neither can she favour her father who was the very definition of ‘absent parent’. She isn’t sure who to blame for her parents pathetic excuse for a relationship and so she blames them both.
She might have favoured her Grandmother once, but that all turned to shit pretty quickly because as Santana has learned, the world is full of people waiting to fuck you over, to hold you close and then to send you sprawling the second you let yourself relax and so it’s best, really, to never let anybody get close.
Anybody except Brittany.
Santana has let Brittany get close but that’s not the same at all and it’s not for want of trying not too. Oh how she tried but somehow the harder Santana fought her feelings for Brittany the deeper she fell until she had no choice really, but to go with it and that is the biggest shittest thing of all because Santana knows that Britt will never hurt her on purpose but she also knows that she will hurt her all the same
She was never her mother’s favourite, because how can you have a favourite when there is only one to choose from? She rather thinks that if there had been another, a brother or a sister, then that is who her mother would have favoured because a lot of the time she doesn’t seem to really like Santana all that much.
She was the teacher’s favourite once but that just wound up with her stuck in a Motel room waiting for sex with a man who should have been home with his wife and three small children and despite appearances Santana does have some shame so she tries not to think about that.
She made herself prickly, made keeping people at arms length and viciously wounding those who considered, even for the briefest of seconds, trying to get closer into an art form and does her hardest to make sure that she never needs anybody. Yet somehow, despite everything she found herself as a part of the fucking Glee Club. The hard as nails cheerleader who takes no prisoners thrust right into the middle of this frightening, crazy, incredible family and some days it’s all she can do not to run a mile.
She will never be Mr Schue’s favourite and she fights her hardest to make sure of it just like she fights against Quinn and Rachel Berry and Tina and Mercedes and gets such a kick out of the fact that she’s fucked both Puck and Finn and they pretty much hate her for it. She fights against them all, fights so hard that it leaves her so drained some days that all she can do is sleep, curled into Brittany as she sings Disney songs with Lord Tubbington and braids freaking flowers into Santana’s hair. Yet against all odds she seems to have forged some kind of friendship with this fucked up group of misfits and whilst she would never admit it, Santana is sensible enough to know that this is something to be grateful for.
The girls hate her, she thinks. She is unsure why but thinks it probably goes deeper than her sleeping with most of their boyfriends. She thinks they hold her personally accountable for all the bad things that have ever happened to them, which whilst utterly unfair is possibly understandable.
The boys hate her, she thinks. The boys hate her because they feel threatened by her. She knows too much about them all and for Santana knowledge is a power that she has never been afraid to use. A power she uses as a force field to protect herself from pain: take a step closer and I will rip you to fucking shreds.
As for Kurt, Kurt doesn’t hate her. She doesn’t think. Kurt seems to bounce from pitying her and being utterly indifferent and in some ways Santana thinks that’s worse.
So, she is part of the crazy New Directions family although she can’t help but feel that secretly - or not so secretly - every single one of them wishes she wasn’t.
Except for Blaine.
Santana doesn’t get what it is about Blaine because Blaine doesn’t hate her, nor is he indifferent. Blaine is so completely different to the rest of the group that sometimes she wonders how he manages despite his dissimilarity to just seem to fit. He is like a breath of fresh air and out of everyone she has ever met Blaine is the only person she can truly relate too.
She didn’t realise quite what he meant to her until he came back from helping Kurt move to New York: they had developed a relationship of sorts, after the whole debacle that forced her out of her safe little closet and she knew that she cared for him, she just never knew quite how much. When she met him that night in the Lima Bean looking so totally and utterly lost, the Kurt-shaped hole to his side painfully visible, Santana had felt like somebody had reached in and ripped her heart out through her chest.
Blaine, so it feels, is the only person that understands her, the only person that really wants too.
Blaine knows how overwhelmed she can get sometimes, and he understands how sometimes loving Brittany, beautiful perfect Brittany just about breaks her heart and how she sees her future and is so afraid that Brittany will never be the part of it that Santana so desperately needs her to be and that it scares her so much that she wants to run and never look back but instead just finds herself holding on.
Blaine doesn’t blame her for the things she has done in her past, even the things that involve Kurt and he doesn’t hate her for the all the cruel words she has hurled in his direction, that she continues to hurl in his direction.
Blaine understands who Santana really is, he sees past the hard shell but he never really tries to break through it; he lets her be a bitch day in and day out. Sometimes he gives back as good as he gets, sometimes he lets it all just roll over him like she hasn’t even spoken, like she’s not even a blip on his radar, and, sometimes he tells her to fuck off but he never ever asks her why and Santana thinks that might be what she likes about him the best.
When she is with Blaine she truly feels like she can just be and when she kicks off her shoes, lies beside him on the bed and hands him one of her earphones it all feels a little easier.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Blaine/Santana [friendship], Blaine/Kurt, Santana/Brittany
Spoilers: none, unless you’ve not seen more than the pilot….
Summary: “Hey Blanderson, still moping over your boy toy? I’d tell you to get a grip but your level of moping seems to have a direct correlation with the amount of hair gel you use, so I figure your drowning in self pity is doing wonders for your carbon footprint.”
A/N: I’m tagging this as part of the 'Dream on, Dreamer' 'verse because it just feels like it fits. Its’ the Blaine/Santana friendship and how I see the dynamics of it working [I don’t really know why but I ship this friendship so hard!]
Also, I don’t know much about these two outside of what we’ve seen on the show so please put any inaccuracies down to artistic license. Or something.
Title stolen from Corinne Bailey Rae. This is Blaine and Santana's theme tune in my head…
Everyone always says you shouldn’t have a favourite, that parents shouldn’t favour one child over another, teachers shouldn’t favour a particular student, that you shouldn’t like that brother more than you like that sister. That the greatest love should be equal and unconditional.
Everyone says it, but at the same time nobody really believes it; everyone finds out sooner or later that it is impossible to love everybody equally, that there is always going to be somebody who makes your heart expand that little bit more.
People often tell Blaine that he is the favourite.
He hadn’t always been the favourite at school, unless you counted being the favourite target and Blaine didn’t; there was nothing notable in being the kid most other kids chose to try and disembowel on a daily basis but once he’d been discharged from hospital [where his natural charm and good manners rendered him the favourite with the nurses] he relatively quickly became the favourite at Dalton; he was always the top of his classes, quickly becoming lead vocalist for the Warblers, shining and excelling at everything he did.
He was the poster boy for all that was good about that navy blue blazer: Blaine Anderson, Dalton Academy’s golden boy.
Even Kurt thought that Dalton, and in particular The Warblers suffered from a nasty bout of favouritism, getting antsy and biting out Blaine and the Pips in that tone that was ‘coming from a place of caring, Blaine’ but managing at the same time to be cutting in the way that only Kurt could and that had stung because it wasn’t like Blaine had never asked for any of it. He wanted it, sure, but it hadn’t been handed to him on a plate: he’d worked hard and sung hard and he’d had to audition just like everybody else and the Warblers had a council, it was all so fair, except maybe it had only seemed fair to Blaine because he was the one allowed to shine.
Then, he’d fallen in love with Kurt, without even realising it and had realised quite quickly with a stomach churning certainty that he couldn’t even function without having this beautiful, talented, intelligent boy by his side. Following Kurt had never been a choice, really, but a necessity and so from the top of the ladder at Dalton, Blaine had become the new boy at McKinley. The new gay boy at the same school where Kurt had been tossed into dumpsters for as long as he could remember but where Blaine wore his bow-ties and let his boyfriend give him flowers; where he danced and sang with the Cheerio’s on his very first day and stole the spotlight in Glee Club from under Finn Hudson’s nose without even really meaning too; where he got the lead in the school musical even though he wasn’t even a senior; where Mr Shue’s eyes seemed to light up every time he opened his mouth like Blaine was his key to success and where he never got slushied (at school) even once.
Blaine’s enthusiasm was infectious and even the people that wanted to hate him all eventually found themselves all but captivated by the boy with the bow-ties and the smile and the voice because Blaine was different somehow to anybody else they had ever met and without really knowing it, McKinley needed that change.
At home Blaine was the youngest child, youngest by a long stretch; the ‘happy accident,’ and each of his siblings had pronounced him pretty much from birth as the favourite of their parents, steadfast in the belief that Mom and Dad love Blaine more.
Blaine thinks that’s shit.
If his parents were different with him when he was younger it’s because that’s what he was: younger and there is no way he can ever be considered the favourite. It’s always been obvious to Blaine that his sister is his Father’s favourite and his brother his Mom’s and Blaine just arrived late and hovered on the periphery and never quite fit in and he never cared, never expected more from them than the love they gave.
Now?
Well, what Blaine is now is a disappointment. The son that shunned Dalton Academy and the dreams his parents had for him that nestled within it’s overly grand walls in favour of McKinley and his own dreams and the boy he loved. And therein lies the biggest issue because Blaine’s sexuality is something that is noted but never acknowledged but that doesn’t mean that Blaine can’t sometimes taste his parents disappointment, bitter in the back of his mouth.
If the Anderson family had a black sheep he told Santana once, then Blaine would be it.
Santana.
There is just something about Santana that has gotten under Blaine’s skin. Apart from Kurt [and Kurt is Kurt and Blaine can’t really count him because he is on a whole other level altogether. Kurt is what Blaine thinks about when he thinks about love. Kurt, tasting like coffee, feeling like forever, holding Blaine so tightly that he forgets sometimes to care about anything but them and residing on a pedestal that nobody else can ever reach, no matter how they scramble] Blaine has never had a favourite.
His brother and sister are so much older than him and so different to both him and each other that it has always been impossible for him to single one of them out as ‘more loveable’ than the others. He adores them both, equally.
The same goes for his friends, they were a group at Dalton, friends as a collective rather than one on one and Blaine has never been lonely but neither has there ever been one person that he would single out as more. At McKinley he was the new kid so friendships and relationships were already established by the time he Tom Jones’d his way on to the scene, but Blaine didn’t mind because people were friendly, for the most part at least, and he had Kurt and he didn’t really need much else.
Until Santana.
Perhaps it’s because he shouldn’t like her that Blaine likes her so much, after all everybody knows there is a certain appeal in the forbidden. Perhaps it’s because she has been ostracised by the people she loves the most making her more of a black sheep than he will ever be, grabbing the title with both hands and staunchly refusing to give it back. Perhaps it’s pity. Perhaps it’s because she intrigues him, this girl who is all sharp corners and rough lines and words that cut so deep they leave scars or perhaps it’s just because Santana is so different to the rest of them, and because on some level he can relate to her.
Blaine doesn’t know why when he has a whole brood of friends calling and texting and trying, desperate to be allowed in, the only person he actually wants to see is the one person who will have not a single word of comfort, who will actually probably try to make him feel worse, he just knows that every day she pokes her head through the door with a disdainful look and a ‘hey Blanderson, still moping over your boy toy? I’d tell you to get a grip but your level of moping seems to have a direct correlation with the amount of hair gel you use, so I figure your drowning in self pity is doing wonders for your carbon footprint,’ and it makes the cloud of gloom that has settled over him since Kurt left for New York lift a little.
So he chooses not to analyse and to just accept.
He likes that with Santana it’s easy, with Santana he can just be because Santana has no expectations. He doesn’t have to mask the pain because he doesn’t feel the need to shield her from it, and he doesn’t need to pretend he doesn’t miss Kurt so badly it’s eating him from the inside out because he knows she won’t make a fuss or offer platitudes that make him want to punch something.
She doesn’t pretend to understand and she doesn’t ask him continually if he’s okay. She doesn’t ask him ever if he’s okay and she is as snide and as cruel to him as she has ever been yet when she kicks off her shoes, lies beside him on the bed and hands him one of her earphones it all feels a little easier.
***
Santana Lopez has never been the favourite and has never had a favourite.
She can’t favour her mother, who lied to her throughout her entire life and who was so rarely there when Santana cried that one day she just stopped crying. But neither can she favour her father who was the very definition of ‘absent parent’. She isn’t sure who to blame for her parents pathetic excuse for a relationship and so she blames them both.
She might have favoured her Grandmother once, but that all turned to shit pretty quickly because as Santana has learned, the world is full of people waiting to fuck you over, to hold you close and then to send you sprawling the second you let yourself relax and so it’s best, really, to never let anybody get close.
Anybody except Brittany.
Santana has let Brittany get close but that’s not the same at all and it’s not for want of trying not too. Oh how she tried but somehow the harder Santana fought her feelings for Brittany the deeper she fell until she had no choice really, but to go with it and that is the biggest shittest thing of all because Santana knows that Britt will never hurt her on purpose but she also knows that she will hurt her all the same
She was never her mother’s favourite, because how can you have a favourite when there is only one to choose from? She rather thinks that if there had been another, a brother or a sister, then that is who her mother would have favoured because a lot of the time she doesn’t seem to really like Santana all that much.
She was the teacher’s favourite once but that just wound up with her stuck in a Motel room waiting for sex with a man who should have been home with his wife and three small children and despite appearances Santana does have some shame so she tries not to think about that.
She made herself prickly, made keeping people at arms length and viciously wounding those who considered, even for the briefest of seconds, trying to get closer into an art form and does her hardest to make sure that she never needs anybody. Yet somehow, despite everything she found herself as a part of the fucking Glee Club. The hard as nails cheerleader who takes no prisoners thrust right into the middle of this frightening, crazy, incredible family and some days it’s all she can do not to run a mile.
She will never be Mr Schue’s favourite and she fights her hardest to make sure of it just like she fights against Quinn and Rachel Berry and Tina and Mercedes and gets such a kick out of the fact that she’s fucked both Puck and Finn and they pretty much hate her for it. She fights against them all, fights so hard that it leaves her so drained some days that all she can do is sleep, curled into Brittany as she sings Disney songs with Lord Tubbington and braids freaking flowers into Santana’s hair. Yet against all odds she seems to have forged some kind of friendship with this fucked up group of misfits and whilst she would never admit it, Santana is sensible enough to know that this is something to be grateful for.
The girls hate her, she thinks. She is unsure why but thinks it probably goes deeper than her sleeping with most of their boyfriends. She thinks they hold her personally accountable for all the bad things that have ever happened to them, which whilst utterly unfair is possibly understandable.
The boys hate her, she thinks. The boys hate her because they feel threatened by her. She knows too much about them all and for Santana knowledge is a power that she has never been afraid to use. A power she uses as a force field to protect herself from pain: take a step closer and I will rip you to fucking shreds.
As for Kurt, Kurt doesn’t hate her. She doesn’t think. Kurt seems to bounce from pitying her and being utterly indifferent and in some ways Santana thinks that’s worse.
So, she is part of the crazy New Directions family although she can’t help but feel that secretly - or not so secretly - every single one of them wishes she wasn’t.
Except for Blaine.
Santana doesn’t get what it is about Blaine because Blaine doesn’t hate her, nor is he indifferent. Blaine is so completely different to the rest of the group that sometimes she wonders how he manages despite his dissimilarity to just seem to fit. He is like a breath of fresh air and out of everyone she has ever met Blaine is the only person she can truly relate too.
She didn’t realise quite what he meant to her until he came back from helping Kurt move to New York: they had developed a relationship of sorts, after the whole debacle that forced her out of her safe little closet and she knew that she cared for him, she just never knew quite how much. When she met him that night in the Lima Bean looking so totally and utterly lost, the Kurt-shaped hole to his side painfully visible, Santana had felt like somebody had reached in and ripped her heart out through her chest.
Blaine, so it feels, is the only person that understands her, the only person that really wants too.
Blaine knows how overwhelmed she can get sometimes, and he understands how sometimes loving Brittany, beautiful perfect Brittany just about breaks her heart and how she sees her future and is so afraid that Brittany will never be the part of it that Santana so desperately needs her to be and that it scares her so much that she wants to run and never look back but instead just finds herself holding on.
Blaine doesn’t blame her for the things she has done in her past, even the things that involve Kurt and he doesn’t hate her for the all the cruel words she has hurled in his direction, that she continues to hurl in his direction.
Blaine understands who Santana really is, he sees past the hard shell but he never really tries to break through it; he lets her be a bitch day in and day out. Sometimes he gives back as good as he gets, sometimes he lets it all just roll over him like she hasn’t even spoken, like she’s not even a blip on his radar, and, sometimes he tells her to fuck off but he never ever asks her why and Santana thinks that might be what she likes about him the best.
When she is with Blaine she truly feels like she can just be and when she kicks off her shoes, lies beside him on the bed and hands him one of her earphones it all feels a little easier.