rachel, rachel.
backsliding, and to think...
i had no where to go but sideways.
its the day that i realize that my life is in front of me,
and i hate that.
that feeling of being overwhelmed to the point
that id just give up if i didnt have any dignity at all...
and most of the time i dont.
its these times when i realize that i am nothing to
anyone, not even myself. sitting here, and thinking...
my brain on the go. but nothing else.
its not even that sentimental. or invigorating.
i ate a raw cow, and i may be dead. but thats not worth
any of life. everyone knows that. to have been faced,
with that side...and then turned around and HERE SHE IS!
oh, the joy....but sometimes i wish it were that quick. you know?
like, now shes home. but maybe where she was going was better.
id rather not see her like this, because i am selfish. id rather not
remember the frailty. the commonalities of death.
that, is real.
if nothing else ever was....
but i should. i should because i am thought of as a loyal person...
though fuck me! i have been nothing like it.
the sweatshirt left in cold, i never once.
and the way she could rub my elbow...and hug so deep. she tall, i short.
a bugs life, is what it was.
necklaces in pictures. and that i will always remember.
she was.
she was, still here!
not in my head, its not right. she IS an amazing life.
and power, and almighty, and goodness, she!
strength. overcoming,
i couldnt. ever. compare.
to 19.
in 25 years.
if that,
i had no where to go but sideways.
its the day that i realize that my life is in front of me,
and i hate that.
that feeling of being overwhelmed to the point
that id just give up if i didnt have any dignity at all...
and most of the time i dont.
its these times when i realize that i am nothing to
anyone, not even myself. sitting here, and thinking...
my brain on the go. but nothing else.
its not even that sentimental. or invigorating.
i ate a raw cow, and i may be dead. but thats not worth
any of life. everyone knows that. to have been faced,
with that side...and then turned around and HERE SHE IS!
oh, the joy....but sometimes i wish it were that quick. you know?
like, now shes home. but maybe where she was going was better.
id rather not see her like this, because i am selfish. id rather not
remember the frailty. the commonalities of death.
that, is real.
if nothing else ever was....
but i should. i should because i am thought of as a loyal person...
though fuck me! i have been nothing like it.
the sweatshirt left in cold, i never once.
and the way she could rub my elbow...and hug so deep. she tall, i short.
a bugs life, is what it was.
necklaces in pictures. and that i will always remember.
she was.
she was, still here!
not in my head, its not right. she IS an amazing life.
and power, and almighty, and goodness, she!
strength. overcoming,
i couldnt. ever. compare.
to 19.
in 25 years.
if that,