these subtle new truths rip me apart
It bothers me why I am so naive as to write in my public journal for all to see whenever I have some sort of self dilemna. What I say gives no apparent knowledge to the subject, as I only give my readers variables to what I am saying. I cannot be asking for help because no one can know who or what I am talking about. However.
Here it is. I wake up sometimes in some deeper level of reality, as if the person I were before were a mask to my sleeping self. The mask changes from some happy character, sad, eccentric.. whatever it is. It is just that when I have these breif periods of awareness, I realize I can find no reason for anything. I cannot explain why at times I can connect with people, and at other times feel as if I have been switched to manual but I do not know how to operate the controls.
If a kiss is not meant to be that loses its sense of never ending time, to where you are trying to figure out how to rotate your lips or thinking about what you should do with your tongue... if that is wrong... then what about when you find yourself in the seat of a plane with the navigation control turned off?
That is as far as I can hold that thought. For my next thought.. I have accidentally or 'seemingly' found myself stuck in a position where I know that whatever I do will result in my making a stupid move. I wish I could burst open and just say 'who' and 'why', but just after typing this I realize thinking it out will not help and I need to only follow things through as they happen. Now, I think worrying over something will just cease the good or the bad to the happen... a risk is a risk because it puts us somewhere else from where we stand...
Maybe I would have say typing all this would be waste of my time, but I see things slightly differently now..
aside from that, I think this might just be the most confused entry I have written in a while in any journal..
Here it is. I wake up sometimes in some deeper level of reality, as if the person I were before were a mask to my sleeping self. The mask changes from some happy character, sad, eccentric.. whatever it is. It is just that when I have these breif periods of awareness, I realize I can find no reason for anything. I cannot explain why at times I can connect with people, and at other times feel as if I have been switched to manual but I do not know how to operate the controls.
If a kiss is not meant to be that loses its sense of never ending time, to where you are trying to figure out how to rotate your lips or thinking about what you should do with your tongue... if that is wrong... then what about when you find yourself in the seat of a plane with the navigation control turned off?
That is as far as I can hold that thought. For my next thought.. I have accidentally or 'seemingly' found myself stuck in a position where I know that whatever I do will result in my making a stupid move. I wish I could burst open and just say 'who' and 'why', but just after typing this I realize thinking it out will not help and I need to only follow things through as they happen. Now, I think worrying over something will just cease the good or the bad to the happen... a risk is a risk because it puts us somewhere else from where we stand...
Maybe I would have say typing all this would be waste of my time, but I see things slightly differently now..
aside from that, I think this might just be the most confused entry I have written in a while in any journal..