i suppose its about time i write something.
ive been here in england for about three days now, and everything is going smoothly as anticipated. nothing seems to have changed here; my bro and cousin get along great, my aunt is as moody as ever, my grandma still lives on a distant planet, and we're highly dysfunctional. but its great.
ive been trying to keep my mind off of things back home. considering how much of my life was ruined when i was overseas,i try not to think of anything negative because its only going to make me paranoid and quite frankly, ive had enough of that. ive had enough of pain and insecurity, although both aren't going to go away for a good long time. ive accepted them both, which is a move i know i shouldnt be making, but if im going to live with them (and that is not a choice), i might as well acknowledge it and carry on instead of trying to hide and struggle with it. am i hurting? everyday. but is it enough to throw me off track? no, only somedays. I consider myself ok right now, albeit some days of real struggle. And I'm satisfied to some extent with my state.
i miss my raggedies. you are all my girls. maybe because ive been the only guy for a while (where the hell did artur go?). i hate the fact that im only going to be back for five days when i get back. so im certainly not going to see them enough. in that five day time span, i plan on (in no particular order):
a)seeing my raggedies as much as possible (haha, Miranda).
b)seeing jason. i havent seen him in forever.
c)seeing Neetu. same situation.
d)rounding up the guys (vimal, divyam, danny, tons [if hes interested],etc.)
b)partying with hazel and co.
i havent seen jason at all. or neetu. that bothers me.
what bothers me more? angie lives twenty minutes away from me in new york, and in philly. and i hardly see her.
and nana! i miss my sweet mama.
i want to curl up in bed, and wake up after long naps and feel at home.
ive been trying to keep my mind off of things back home. considering how much of my life was ruined when i was overseas,i try not to think of anything negative because its only going to make me paranoid and quite frankly, ive had enough of that. ive had enough of pain and insecurity, although both aren't going to go away for a good long time. ive accepted them both, which is a move i know i shouldnt be making, but if im going to live with them (and that is not a choice), i might as well acknowledge it and carry on instead of trying to hide and struggle with it. am i hurting? everyday. but is it enough to throw me off track? no, only somedays. I consider myself ok right now, albeit some days of real struggle. And I'm satisfied to some extent with my state.
i miss my raggedies. you are all my girls. maybe because ive been the only guy for a while (where the hell did artur go?). i hate the fact that im only going to be back for five days when i get back. so im certainly not going to see them enough. in that five day time span, i plan on (in no particular order):
a)seeing my raggedies as much as possible (haha, Miranda).
b)seeing jason. i havent seen him in forever.
c)seeing Neetu. same situation.
d)rounding up the guys (vimal, divyam, danny, tons [if hes interested],etc.)
b)partying with hazel and co.
i havent seen jason at all. or neetu. that bothers me.
what bothers me more? angie lives twenty minutes away from me in new york, and in philly. and i hardly see her.
and nana! i miss my sweet mama.
i want to curl up in bed, and wake up after long naps and feel at home.