(no subject)
We've hit our first big rough patch of marriage. I've been really depressed about it and am trying to stay optimistic. I'm in a good mood right now though. I made my husband 86 that Roseanne girl out of our life because it just got really bad. They were flirting in front of me and it was killing me. Everyone and there mother seems to be getting on my case about it saying I'm a controlling bitch etc, etc. I don't know things are just bad right now. I hate myself most of the time and am blaming myself for everything. I have no self esteem at all. Its shitty. I've been suicidal even, and I actually cut for the first time since high school. Kyle and I signed up for couples conseling. It's not until the 29th but at least it's scheduled finally. It's going to be a rough next few months. Still don't have a job. Not sure if I'll be able to go back to school. My stepmother's death anneversary just recently passed. That was really hard. Especially since I thought I was going to be spliting up with my husband on that day. Not good at all. Just bleh crappy crap. Thought I should update this though.